- 3 months ago
- Wedding: May 2017
Hi all, I’m in a knot about this, and although my situation with my guests is mostly drama-free, I don’t feel right about it. My fella and I are having a small wedding (abot 35 guests). He’s a decade+ older than me and his guests include a close knit (read: cliquey) group of friends, some of whom I get on with, and a rather traditional set of family who haven’t exactly embraced me.
Apart from my parents, my guests are mostly people I haven’t seen in years- a couple of close friends I’ve drifted a bit from as they live far away, and their partners whom I don’t know. My sister has been making excuses about not coming from the start- when we originally set a different date for the wedding, and she was in ok health. She’s now been ill with labyrinthitis and dizziness, and I’m sympathetic. She’ll come to the wedding if she’s well enough, she says, but my partner and I both know what she’s like and very much doubt she’ll come even if she’s recovered enough to travel. Outside of that, My relatives live very far from me- I mean a 13 hour flight from somewhere tropical. I didn’t expect the vast majority of them to be able to make it as it’s an expensive journey for them, and there’s the pricey London accommodation, although my parents can host a couple of them. The cousins who can afford to come…can’t come, because it will be hard to find time off work. I have lots of relatives but am only close to two of my cousins (who are amongst those who could afford it). One of these cousins told me she can’t make it because she was saving up to visit the country our ancestors are from. That was what really stung- there was no rush or impetus for her holiday, and the country isn’t going anywhere, so it was quite hurtful. She now says she is tied up with work (!). My other cousin is amazing and he’s like a brother to me, enthusiastic about the wedding from the start, and determined to come. This week he’s said he can’t, and is upset about it. He has just started a new job and it’ll be difficult to get time off. If he was the only one of my relatives to come- even if my sister won’t come- I’d have bee happy, because it would mean so much, but that’s not going to happen.
I just don’t feel right about the wedding now- really sad and empty. I worry that, while I’m sure it will be great for my partners’s friends and family, I’ll just feel like a stranger at my own wedding. To add to things, I have just done a Masters degree and having trouble finding work, while my partner is having massive difficulties at work- and his company will prob only exist for another year max. It just feels like too much at the moment, and I don’t know what to do. We got an amazing deal on our venue- we booked really early, when the terms and pricing were different, and the venue are honouring that. Not likely to carry it forward if we postponed the wedding. Even if we did postpone, guests may still not be able to make it, I’d be working, but my partner will probably be freshly out of a job. A small wedding with just our parents would be a nightmare as they’ve never met, and my relationship with my partner’s parents has been strained. Things are better but there are still issues.
Then there’s the option of just getting married quiety with no guests at all. It would make sense, as only about 5 of our guests are interested/involved with us as a couple, the rest are there for either me, or him. So no-one in our lives have really been involved with us, or mixed with each other. I guess the wedding would be a nice way of starting that off, but on the other hand it feels a bit empty
Sorry to ramble on so long! I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so would be glad of any thoughts or advice!