Strange/Rude things said by FIL's or IL's

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do you get along with your Future/ In Laws?
    Yes : (74 votes)
    53 %
    No : (11 votes)
    8 %
    We don't speak : (6 votes)
    4 %
    We talk all of the time : (18 votes)
    13 %
    I like voting in polls : (23 votes)
    16 %
    Other : (8 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2163 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I voted that I get along with FILs but I can’t lie that half the time I don’t really like them. I grew up in a very tight-knit family, although my mother and father were divorced. In my mom’s house, everyone was open and very close. In my father’s house, we were all really close but we had rules about having a time and place for everything, being hospitable to guests, containing anger, blah blah…just basically having a set outward appearance and all of our family stuff was only family business.

    Again, I like my FILs. Sometimes they seem like aliens to me in their rudeness and sometimes it’s hard for me to get over some of the things they say.

    One time, FFIL made a comment that he was “sitting here looking at a picture of my son and some broad”…that “broad” being me; he was looking at the picture we took at the spring carnival. We live in California, FILs live in Ohio so they are pretty happy when they get pictures from us. I know he was just joking around. I know he liked the picture because he told me so. I just…can’t believe he called me “some broad”…that kind of “joking around” doesn’t fly in my family.

    FMIL made some rude comments about my dad being dead, but I won’t get into that one. Too emotionally charged.

    FBIL screamed at FI and I when we drove 24 hours to see his new baby, all because he wanted FI to go to a bar down the street with him and FI didn’t want to. FI hates bars. FI doesn’t drink. I like bars but I wasn’t the one he was trying to convince. Then he carried his resentment over to the next day and yelled at us some more, which made us decide that we had to leave since he obviously couldn’t get over the fact that FI refused to go out with him. We lasted 2.5 out of 6 days on our vacation there. Sad.

    It bums me out that FI’s family isn’t like mine…I know we are all different, but I think FI gets sad sometimes when he sees how unified we are…and then he sees his own family. I’m so glad my family loves him the way they do.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I get along with SO’s family very well. I also like the fact that his mom is extremely talkative. I’m an introvert, and I never have to worry about carrying my end of the conversation with her.

    I have a relationship with his sister as well. I was recently MoH in her wedding.

    Even though we aren’t married yet, they are definitely family, and I get more defensive of them than offended by them.

    Post # 5
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee

    It was kinda hard for me to pick the one that was right for me. I have not had an easy time with his parents or he with mine. Basically they’re just very different so it’s different for what we’re each used to. My mom is reserved and waits until the person is gone before saying something bad, except for a few times they’ve gotten into it, while his has no problem bad mouthing me even where I can hear it. Ultimately I think they’re problems are they don’t want us to grow up and make our own decisions and so they are acting the same but in different ways. 

     

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    2696 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’ll preface by saying I LOVE my inlaws. They are fantastic, amazing people.

    The one negative thing that I will unfortunately not be able to forget (it doesnt effect our relationship now) was when I was pregnant with DD.

    Sidenote: there hasn’t been a girl born on his side of the family in 84 years. We all figured I was having a boy.

    When we found out we were having a girl, the reaction I got was, “what? You’re kidding? Oh well, you’ll have to try again next time for a boy!”

    …and if that wasn’t WTF enough, later on they were joking that we had to “send her back.”

    I realize now that they were just porbably saying it out of discomfort–none of them really knew how to deal with a little girl. It was still VERY hurtful though. I always wanted a little girl, and figured I wouldn’t have one…so I was ecstatic..and not to mention she was the first girl in 84 years–that’s a feat!

    Now they love DD to bits and never talk about wanting to send her back for a boy 🙂 hehe

    Post # 7
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    Okay, so I voted we get along, but I can’t say I care for them very much.  DH’s family is sooo different than mine (of course, we are all different and that is the beauty of inter-personal relationships), and most times our interactions with each other are awkward.  His family lives pretty far away and we will probably average visiting them 1-2 times per year (due to him being able to get off work), which is probably about the same time we visit my family (also pretty far away).  I may visit my family more just because I have more flexibility with my schedule.  Anyway, his parents and sister have very strained relationships with each other (basically it’s mother/daughter vs father).  They have never really been rude to me and seem to like me okay but they are so quiet and awkward I don’t really know what they’re thinking.  There are other underlying issues I can’t go into here, but I just feel like my family is closer than his.  And my family is in love with DH (he really feels their love and affection every time we visit).  I don’t really feel the same way when we visit his family.

    As for your FMIL’s question about being in the delivery room…nope, I would not have mine in there with me…that’s just weird IMO.  

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I love my MIL, and she’s an awesome lady.  However, we’ve had some hilarious wedding planning moments with her.  For example, we were throwing around the idea of a home-state destination wedding four hours and a ferry ride north of the airport (most guests are OOT).  We eliminated the idea for travel/time reasons, and she was like “oh, why don’t you just charter a sea plane to shuttle people up!”

    …erm, we’d need a freakin flock of seaplanes to get our 100 person wedding up into the islands.  Second of all, holy expensive batman we can’t afford that.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3633 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I wasn’t sure how to vote in your poll. Generally speaking, I get along with my ILs but it’s not all rainbows and lollipops and they’ve said things to me or about me that make me (and DH usually) angry or annoyed. For example, FIL was a doctor ages ago in another country (like seriously AGES ago) and now that I’m PG, he asked if I’m swollen yet, how much weight I’ve gained, and if I’m planning to breast feed. No one else has asked me that, even other women (aside from PG women commiserating), aside from my OB. This didn’t anger me but DH and I thought this was kind of peculiar bordering on overstepping his boundaries. When we were planning the wedding, the ILs (including SIL) did say things or expect things that upset both DH and me. So with this in mind, I don’t think I can say 100% I get along with them but it’s not like it’s 100% I don’t get along with them either.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2311 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My in-laws are EXTREMELY rude. They are your standard religious hypocrites. I am not the same faith as them and this is a difficult thing for them to tolerate (let alone, accept!). Even though i have been attending church EVERY Sunday since i met my now DH. And i dont even follow my own faith with that much conviction. And on top if it, a few women in their family are of a different faith but that doesnt matter. We are all equally heathens. Lol! So we get a fair bit of nonsense spewn at us.

    And not to mrntion, my in-laws are separated more than a decade but since according to their religion they are not allowed to divorce, they dont tell people they are even separated to avoid religious embarassment. So they lie. Which is okay. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I get along with my MIL, but I don’t adore hanging out with her.  She can be childish and self-absorbed, and I don’t especially respect her religious views.  I try to be as polite as possible around her, which makes things very small-talky and therefore boring.  She also has a somewhat contentious relationship with my husband sometimes.  There is a lot of baggage between them, and I am largely sympathetic with his view of the relationship.

    Unfortunately, my FIL passed away about a year before we got married.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    7098 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    A few gems-

    While trying on dresses: “well you don’t have to be shy in front of me, someday I’ll be in the delivery room holding up a leg!”  Um WHAT? No, just no.

    After losing about 40 lbs before the wedding (I lost about 50 total and have kept it off): “well you look great, but I think you hit your peak too soon!” Apparently I was just supposed to wait until 2 months before the wedding and crash diet, and then go back to eating whatever and never exercising like she did.

    Just last week she apparently thought it was totally fine to just let herself into our house to drop off some check for something, because she was going out of town. I was so pissed about that but of course my DH is too non-confrontational to make a big deal out of it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1226 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I’ve never met my FFIL. I do get on with my FMIL but I’m not exactly friendly with her – like, I can chat to her at a family dinner or something but I won’t go out of my way to talk to her. I can’t really forgive her and FFIL for the way they treated my FI as a child, which caused a lot of problems in his adult life.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My mother-in-law told me, as I was reading a book, that “People who read a lot are always fat.”  Then she also mentioned, later, that “People who do crafts are fat.”  

    Yeah okay lady.

    But mostly she’s okay.  Judgemental, but okay.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    My in-laws are…heh…well…um…some of their worst behavior hasn’t been directed toward me, but to others in our vicinity. I’ll never forget the time my father-in-law (along with the rest of the family) was at a restaurant. He ordered his food and ate it over the course of 20 or 30 minutes, with the waitress making multiple stops by the table in between.

    After eating, and handing her the plate, he bitches, “That wasn’t supposed to have tomatoes on it.” My jaw dropped. She stared at him like, “Uh…wut?” Funny how it wasn’t a problem the entire time he was eating it. What did he expect her to do, make him a second plate? I told my husband that I was so embarrassed I didn’t want to go back again for a while. I tried to linger for ages (we drove separately), so I could apologize and give her a bigger tip, but my husband apparently wasn’t getting what I was trying to do – so we ended up leaving.

    I used to work out with my mother-in-law. It was my dumb attempt to try and bond with her. On one of these particular outings (this was shortly before we were engaged), I lamented that I thought I was never going to be an aunt. This was after learning that my-now-sister-in-law was pregnant, making my husband an uncle. MIL misheard me, then snapped at me, “You two need to wait a few years before you even think about having kids.” It was a ‘WOAH’ moment. It was also the moment I basically permanently closed down to her. We’re very different people.

    My in-laws live in their own filth (I don’t mean, ‘their house is kind of dirty.’ I mean, their children have complexes about it and there are rooms in their house they haven’t been able to access in years.), and I was horrified when my mother-in-law grabbed our three-month-old niece recently, then started shaking her to ‘play.’ My husband’s grandma was quick to speak up, but that solidified that Grandma isn’t getting unsupervised time with any child of mine anytime soon.

    I get along well enough with my in-laws to talk to them for an hour, maybe two at a time, but I get very uncomfortable when I’m left alone in a room with them. We have -nothing- to talk about other than my husband, and after a while, that even gets uncomfortable. My own husband is uncomfortable around his family. It doesn’t bode well for me in bonding with them. They annoy the crap out of me, usually – mostly my sister-in-law and mother-in-law. My husband’s grandparents are pretty cool and his dad is tolerable…for the most part.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    This didn’t happen to me, but I know someone whose sister in law told her, “Wow you put on a lot of weight! But you look good with all those extra pounds! We should be gym buddies.” I didn’t even know what to say about that.

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