Post # 1
::Sigh::. How to start this post?
Basically, Darling Husband and I have been married for a little over a year, but have dated for 10 (!!). We’ve never been a seriously sexual couple but we’ve never really hit a rough patch either. I’d say we average 1-2 times a week with some type of fun (though not always sex)
However, lately our sex life has been in the trash. Darling Husband is defending his PhD in a MONTH and is under so much stress that we don’t get much couple time. We do have scheduled date nights, but the last few times we’ve attempted to have sex he hasn’t been able to preform.
In 10 years, I’ve never seen this happen. It makes him upset, it makes me upset. I’m sure it’s due to stress or something but it makes me wonder if this will continue if and when Darling Husband is a professor and is under even more stress.
Last night he finally admitted (though near tears) that condoms really kill his ability to preform. I know that’s not the entire issue, but I’m willing to entertain the idea that it’s part of the problem. The issue with that is that I’ve had TERRIBLE luck on BC pills. They kill my libido, make me depressed, etc. So we’re at this weird impass where he feels like condoms are desentizing him and I’m not wiling to go back on pills that make me nutty. Can you see how this is further killing our sex life?
So, I don’t know Bee-board, sound off. What have other people done who have had a hard time with bc pills? The nuva ring? I’m not willing to try and IUD yet… And have you ever had a rough spot in your sex lives due to stress and busy lives?
Signed- A sad and sex-deprived bee.
Post # 3
I have problems with hormones killing my drive too. I am on Nuvaring right now and it has the least amount of side effects for me. As for his stress, I don’t think there is a lot you can do about that. My husband is working and going to grad school and it kills his sex drive too. We are still working on getting our stuff sorted out as well.
Post # 4
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: Let me know what you guys “sort out” 🙂 Goodluck!
Post # 5
Would you guys consider Natural Family Planning…?
If you haven’t read already, I would suggest the book : Taking Charge of your Fertility !
Post # 6
Have you thought about other BC options?
Like the sponge or a diaphragm?
Hope you guys can figure something out.
Post # 7
I had horrible trouble with hormonal bc and a health issue that crept up this year has my doctor hesitant about prescribing it again. My guy hates condoms and I always forget about them. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS BUT IT IS WHAT WE ARE DOING – we are using the withdrawal method. It’s worked for me for years without a scare. But if you aren’t willing to risk having kids I DO NOT suggest it. But it’s what works for us.
Post # 9
@FuturemrsBas, I was also about to suggest an IUD. I’m currently on the pill and am not loving the side effects (moodiness enhanced by the stress of law school, and weight gain, mostly…) so I’m thinking about talking to my doc about switching. The only problem is the cost…
Post # 10
I looked into an IUD (extensively) and I’m just not sold on it. I haven’t had a child yet, and I’ve heard that means a VERY painful insertion. More than that I’ve had friends that did it and had insane cramping/ tons of breakthrough bleeding/etc. Maybe some other bees could share their experiences, but the ones I’ve witnessed have me running in other directions…
Post # 11
Could you look into some kind of IUD that may not give you the side effects? My friend just got a copper IUD inserted. It is non hormonal and as soon as she takes it out she can TTC.
Post # 12
Personally, the IUD kinda scares me, so I’m with ya on not wanting to go that route. We’re back on condoms too since I’ve stopped my BC pill, and it took us a little trial and error to find ones that didn’t completely desensitize him. Are you trying the thinnest kinds? There are some w/ lube/texture on the inside for him, or some that ahem, vibrate… Also, have you tried the sponge, or diaphragm that PPs already suggested? As far as stress goes, yes it is a HUGE libido killer. I think everyone falls prey to stress/not so great sex life once in awhile. Hopefully you can get through this soon!
Post # 13
Just another vote for an IUD. I got a Mirena (the one with some hormones), and I love it. I have not had children, and while yeah, it hurt like a booger – the time it hurt was only maybe 30 seconds, if that. Then for a day or two it felt like mild period cramps (so i took motrin.) I love it. I’ve had it just about a year, and no breakthrough bleeding, and extremely light and short (like, done in a day) periods. So it might be worth talking to your OBGYN. It can be a really great choice.
Post # 14
Too Much Information Alert but.
I can relate……
I have tried every type of birth control available. IUD, Nuva Ring, and about every pill out there. I have had bad reactions to them all. I am also alergic to just about every type of lubricant, latex, and even the non latex condoms bother me. So whats a girl to do? Well we use the pull out method……
Not the he’s almost there method however. My FH has amazing control of his male parts. We have intercourse until we are both satisfied (well at least I am) then I usually will use my hands and mouth to help him to cum.
Post # 15
Ehhhh BC sucks! Let’s all go ahead and sit and ponder the suckiness of it for a minute…… We used condoms for a while but they killed it for both my me and my Fiance so we practice the BC and pull-out method. I know. I know that even with the combo this method is really not the best but hey…we both gotta get ours ;). I have had tons of problems throughout the years with BC and I have found the only one that makes me not a complete freaking nut case and also doesn’t leave me feeling nauseous is Loestrin. I have been using this steadily for about 4 years now and I love it. Maybe you should ask your OB/GYN for a sample of it. NuvaRing made me an ABSOLUTE crazy person though, it was not for me but it is very convenient. But it’ll take time to learn what works for your body. Take time and think it over make the best decision for you, it’s your body. You could always stick with the condoms and get yours then help him out manually.
Post # 16
@Eva Peron: Seconded!
NPF is super easy and effective. You just need to abstain during your furtile phase which is about a week per month, and then every other day you’re good to go without worrying about contraceptives or getting pregnant.