Post # 1
I am to the point where I am just sick of thinking about the wedding…..and its not even close yet! There is just so much stress between his family problems and trying to please other people. I am just afraid this weddding is not going to be what I want. I really want to have it at the lodge on the lake up north, where my granparents and my parents have land. It is meaningful to me…I just want a small wedding with close family and friends. But I have a large family and I know they will be disappointed if they can’t all come. And I always the the response…”but thats kinds of far…no one’s going to want to drive 3 hours.” Well I dont care….thats what I WANT! Ah, and thinking about my FIL just stresses me out automatically.
I just need a break….
Post # 3
Okay breathe. Yeah wedding planning can be really stressful especially when you are trying to please others. You have plenty of time between now and your wedding day so yes, give yourself a break from all the madness that comes with planning. Try and relax; I don’t think it’s humanly possible to have planning on your mind for that long a period of time.
Post # 4
Since you have so much time – take a break – it does get stressful and the closer it gets, the worse it is – atleast that’s how it was for me. Take some time and focus on the other things right now. I think that if you want it three hours away – do it. It’s your decision. We did that and I’m so glad we did. Yes, our numbers were low, but that’s what we wanted in the first place.
Post # 5
You and FI need to figure out what the two of you want to do and then do it. If people aren’t willing to drive 3 hours to your wedding (I’m assuming they can find a place to stay overnight close to the wedding), then they shouldn’t be there to begin with.
Most of my family is driving 5-8 hours to come to my wedding (and I have done that same drive for their weddings).
The first thing you need to learn about wedding planning is that its about you and your FI and what the two of you want your wedding to be. If you are worried about everyone else, then you are going to be completely stressed out the entire time.
Post # 6
Wow. Frankly, if someone gave me attitude about having to drive 3 hours to come to my wedding, I wouldn’t want them there anyway. 3 hours is so not even that bad. I’ve driven 9 hours not to mention flown here there and everywhere for weddings because I care about the people getting married. Bottom line is that if people care about you and love you, they’ll be willing to take an OMG THREE HOURS to drive to share your special day with you. And, girl, have your wedding where you want! If that’s your dream, make it happen and don’t listen to these fools.
Post # 7
Oh, and I forgot to mention the fact that I totally get you on people sucking the fun out of planning. When you’re dealing with difficult people or situations, it’s totally normal to just sort of shut down and not want to deal with it. I agree with pps that you should take a little break and de-stress. You’ve got time. Also, when you’re ready to start up again, maybe try to just keep the planning details on the DL so you don’t have to listen to unsolicited opinions. It’s not about making everyone else happy if you can’t be happy, too.
Post # 8
I feel you.
When I started thinking about the planning, I worried about my big family (and tiny budget), and how they would get to my “far” venue (I didn’t book it, but it would be like a 1.5 hr drive)….it was all stressing me out, and I hadn’t even finalized one thing nor picked a wedding date.
So we are just having a small wedding, just immediate family and a handful of friends. I don’t care what anyone says anymore. Its what we want and can afford to do.
Post # 9
Three hours is not too far to ask people to drive. I mean, it’s within driving distance, it’s not like you’re asking them to book a really expensive flight. They could make it fun and do a caravan.
Post # 10
do what you want to do …Tell them i am sorry , but this is what you want, if you can’t come maybe you can have a party later …OR ..you can have that nice quiet ceremony at the lodge and have the reception close to everyone else ??? What do you think about this idea ?
Post # 11
you know what? I found my dream venue too. it’s a beautiful sixteen sided glass atrium with west walls facing a lake, and has a dance floor that spills out onto a three level patio, and they drape the whole place in candles and twinkle lights in the open wood beam rafters; dinner at sunset with dancing in the open air into the night… I’ve never been a big wedding kinda girl, but this place set me crying.
It’s expensive, but we were ready to work our budget around it.
But … the longer I worked on ideas for it, the less it seemed to fit. I still got choked up every time I thought about it, but … it seats 350-500, and we’re inviting 200, expecting about 150; it’s hours from home, and we don’t know of a church nearby to get married; it really was just too far out of our budget, and their approved caterers were also out of our budget.
And so, one day, I had a good long cry and said goodbye to this beautiful atrium. And then I walked away and started to hunt for something else that I could love just as much.
I haven’t found it yet, but I’m getting there, and now I can look back and realize that my whole wedding experience was NOT tied up in one ‘perfect’ venue that would have dictated everything about my wedding. Since we walked away, we’ve relaxed from black tie to funky casual, we’ve abandoned lilies for candles, we’re finding that our wedding is going to be a lot more fun (both to plan and experience) in a smaller, closer to home, less ‘perfect’ venue.
If you decide to change venues, I hope you’ll find that it doesn’t ruin the experience. There’s joy to be found wherever love happens, even if it isn’t where you originally expected to get married.
Post # 12
I can totally understand where you are coming from, but it is your and your fi’s day and you are going to be remembering this for your entire life.
Three hours is not unreasonable. I believe if they are family and they love you, they will drive it and if they don’t, they aren’t “family” and shouldn’t be there. Just because people are related to you, doesn’t make them family! I honesty and truely believe this.
I think having a talk with your fi and deciding on what you want and going from there. There will always be complainers, debby downers, and people who think you need their opinion even if it’s not helpful.
Do what feels best and what you will love; somethings doesn’t work out but you should decide that–not your fmil, not your OMG 3 hour relatives: But you and your fi!
Post # 13
Yes, you need a break.
I promise, you won’t always feel that way. I think I ride the biggest emotional rollercoaster I’ve ever ridden before while planning this wedding. I felt just like you at least three times during the year I’ve planned. But I’ve also felt other things too.
So take a break, step back, do something fun, you’ve got time! Enjoy this time! Eventually, you’ll figure it all out.