Post # 1
Basically I’m at my wits end a bit and I don’t know how to handle it. I just had surgery (3rd) my doc has said I need a bowel resection that has a high chance of permanent colostomy bag and hysterectomy. Pregnancy would not be possible after either op. he said he can shut down my ovaries (to prevent further damage) for up to max two years to allow us to be in a better position to have a child then after he’d do the necessary operations.
The atmosphere in our house is awful at the moment. It’s like there is literally no room for any romance or enjoyment for ourselves. It’s become a chore. I said yes 3 yrs ago but a proper engagement hasn’t materialised. I literally do not have any more time for him to get his act together. The longer this drags on the more unhappy and worried I feel.
I don’t know how to make this better. I’m trying to take in what all this means for my/our lives as a whole. And part of me is really upset we can’t just think about marriage and engagement like a normal couple without considering hospital stuff 🙁
Post # 3
@Redd6 Big Hugs. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Post # 4
@Redd6: I’m soooooo sorry you are going through this! I think that it does show his dedication to you by sticking by your side during this time. I know it wouldn’t be easy for either of you. I’m sure it’s fairly normal for things to be a bit tough after your 3rd surgery and the news about a hysterectomy and colostomy bag.
Maybe the 2 of you should take some time away together and rent a place for the weekend? Something to clear your heads. If you feel like the 2 of you keep talking about the hospital stuff too much, then tell him that the specific weekend away is a “no hospital talk” zone. It’ll give you 2 sometime to just appreciate eachother.
Also, are you both open to the idea of adoption or surrogacy?
Post # 5
Hey, thanks for the support ladies. He definately is dedicated, having the health stuff going on it’s kind of like having a third person in the relationship. We’re going on holiday in a few weeks so that will be our time together . In the meantime I’ve made a big effort to not be down about it, or complain too much if I’m sore and he’s been to the gym a few times – both of which seem to have made for a happier household!
We’ve talked about adoption before, haven’t really considered surrogacy, I think he would be more up for those options than me to be honest. i’d like to at least try to have a baby naturally, to have some regular choices. I was always very feminine. . . all this it’s kind of made me feel less so and a bit insecure.
I’m also in the middle of a degree, so I’m now having to consider giving that up too due to the urgency of things. I’m really not sure what to do.
On the bright side my family seem to have made peace with the fact that I may have to get pregnant before being married . . . so that’s taken some of the pressure off
It’s not the worst situation in the world I just wish there was some part of my life that wasn’t dominated by it.
Anyway thanks for being there and for the advice. We had a really lovely day with our neices yesterday and watching movies, so I think with more relaxing we should be ok!