Post # 1
My bridesmaid just called me to tell me that she can’t zip her dress up at all, and the wedding is in 16 days! I’m upset with her for waiting this long to figure this out and also for even telling me about it without trying to take it to a seamstress first! What am I supposed to do about it, honestly… I have been a bridesmaid in several weddings and I would never tell the bride about a problem that I caused myself knowing that it would only stress her out! We ordered the dresses 5 months ago. I don’t know what to tell her. She’s taking it to a seamstress tomorrow to see what they can do, but what happens if they can’t make it larger? I’m feeling frustrated and upset, I know that nobody else’s lives revolve around our wedding… but the only real responsibility of a bridesmaid is to wear the dress and show up on the day. I let the girls pick the dresses!! 🙁 Maybe I just need to go to sleep. If the dress doesn’t fit by the day of the wedding, the dresses aren’t like anything you can just buy at the mall… it would look awkward and probabbly be more embarrassing for her to stand up there in a random mismatched dress due to gaining weight. I want her to be in my wedding and a part of my day and now I feel like she won’t be able to.
Post # 2
Absolute worse comes to worse, she can’t stand up there during the ceremony. But she will still be there the day of to support you- getting ready with you, helping you get your dress on, and celebrating your marriage.
That being said, I would think a seamstress could fix the issue. This is really out of your control, so no use stressing about (I know it is hard not to!) I’m sure your bridesmaid feels bad enough as is about her weight gain.
Post # 3
Don’t freak out yet probably the seamstress can do something about it or your friend will lose weight (not that u should tell her to of course, it’s just the reaction most girls would have if they were concerned about fitting in a dress for a wedding). Wait until it’s definitely a problem to freak out. What’s the style of the dress? Maybe a corset or spanx can help.
Post # 4
Shapewear may help a little. Unless the dress size is drastically different (as in your friend gained a lot of weight or ordered sizes down hoping to lose the weight for the wedding), a seamstress should be able to fix it.
At this point, it’s all on her. If she has the dress, she gets to be a BM. If she doesn’t, she gets to be a guest.
Post # 5
At the end of the day what matters more- that your BM’s are all in the exact same dress or that your closest friends are standing up there as your BM’s ?
I also think the tone of some of the posts on this thread are ridiculous. Punishing someone for weight-gain? Making her stand-down over a dress? Shaming her for weight gain by saying the dress don’t fit so you can do all the other jobs but stand up for me at the ceremony? Seriously? This is a human being with feelings, who is probably more upset about the weight gain than anyone and who has probably been secretly working her butt off to fit back into it and not some matchy matchy wedding prop.
Get her to ask the seamstress about a corset back for the dress as it will make it larger. But if there is nothing she can do about the dress let her get a new one that is similar and fits. Because a dress should never trump a friendship.
Also please do not pressure her or give her too hard a time. She might resought to crash dieting or worse.
Post # 6
j_jaye: I never said anything about shaming her or acted like if the dress doesn’t fit she’s not in my wedding. Maybe you should reread the post and get a grip. My concern is that she won’t want to be in the wedding anymore because her dress doesn’t fit and she’s embarrassed to wear a random different style. It’s not a dress that can be converted to a corset back unfortunately. Please don’t insinuate that I feel that my bridesmaids are props for the wedding. My friend is texting me about it upset and I’m doing nothing but consoling her and being a good friend. I’ve told her we can work something out. My weight fluctuates often, so please don’t act like I don’t have empathy or sensitivity to the situation, B.
She is taking it to a seamstress today and I’m sure they can let it out a bit and maybe add side panels if needed. I just wish she would have tried her dress on a couple of weeks ago and figured this out then. Now rush alterations are going to cost her much more and I feel bad.
Post # 7
For my cousins wedding I didnt get my dress (long story) until the week before the wedding….I had it fitted within 2 days of the wedding…it’s a big deal;but nothing to go crazy over
Post # 8
happycamper8: raspberrymojito: Apple_Blossom: thank you for your responses. She told me she’s going to a seamstress today and hoping they can let it out a little. It’s not a style that would work with a corset back as there is a pretty ruffle that runs down along the back. I called the store we purchased the dresses from and even if we rush order another dress wouldn’t be in in time. I didn’t think about the fact that if she didn’t want to be in the wedding ceremony anymore that she could still be involved in the getting ready and day of fun. Thanks for making that point happycamper8!
Post # 9
Doxie7: Seamstresses are miracle workers! Last year I stepped in last minute as a BM for my friend, taking the size 10 dress that the dropout BM had. I had to get it pretty !much reconstructed to a size 4, so the bust wouldn’t look weird. It can be done! They usually leave about an inch or two on each side to let out, so they should be able to get it fixed up. I commend your BM for being up front with you though, unfortunately stressing you out, but it’s good she was honest about the situation.
Post # 10
Doxie7: First, I would be happy she told you now. It is better than her taking it to a seamstress, finding out it doesn’t work, and telling you and it is better than her dropping completely without talking to you at all.
Wait to see what the seamstress says and go from there (they can take it out and add a panel). Sinbce from your previous response you’re scraed she will drop out, just reassure her that you still want to her to stand next to you because she is your friend. If she is adamant about not standing up then tell her you still value your friendship and want her to participate as much as possible.
Post # 11
Doxie7: I’m sorry about the problem, my first thought too was to change the dress into a corset but since that won’t work, there might be a way the seamstress can add a little extra fabric and disguise it under the ruffle, or something like that. Obviously without photos, we aren’t much help, but don’t worry, a lot of seamstresses can do some amazing things! Let us know how it turns out.
Post # 12
First .. breathe. Your friend told you because, well, you’re the bride. She is also taking it to the seamstress herself and trying to fix it, so what more do you want her to do?
The tone of your first post is rather mean compared to your responses. Yes, it’s frustrating and stressful, but wouldn’t you rather know now and be prepared than not know til the day before your wedding?
Honestly, it would stress me out too, but it’s no-one’s fault. Wait it out and see what the seamstress can do. No point creating such a huge drama when, in all likelihood, you already have a solution.
Best of luck for your wedding!
Post # 13
If you post the style of dress perhaps some of us bees who sew can think up something that may work?
Shapewear might help.
In all fairness to her though, a similar thing happened to me with my sister’s wedding and it wasn’t my fault at all. I ordered the dress about 4-5 months out. David’s Bridal kept saying they lost the dress, then they were on backorder, yadda yadda yadda. I finally got the dress about a week before the wedding. I had tried on a 4 in store and this 4 was significantly larger and was the wrong length (I questioned whether it was even the same dress…) so it required significant alterations the day before the ceremony.
Are you absolutely sure this is her doing and it’s not a case of perhaps it hadn’t arrived on time and she didn’t want to stress you? My sister was stressed enough so I told her none of it.
Post # 14
Doxie7: I had a bridesmaid do the exact same thing to me about a month before the wedding. Turns out, she just needed someone else to zip it up because she was unable to get it all the way up herself – and then it fit fine. I reacted like you. She called me and cried for an hour about how it doesnt fit but wouldnt listen to me when I said, well go exchange it for another one.
I also had another bridesmaid who went through TWO SIZES of dresses in 6 months, and she DIDNT tell me and showed up the day of with the wrong style dress. Don’t even get me started on that.
Hopefully the seamstress will be able to figure it out. Bottom line is, if she can’t, she doesnt stand up there with you (as awful as that sounds..she is going to stick out like a sore thumb). I understand how upsetting it is to gain weight, but if you know you’re eating a lot or not working out…you should know in the back of your mind that you’re not going to fit into that dress and get it taken care of two weeks before the wedding.
Post # 15
janereaction: I think the original post was crabbier than I meant to be, I was really stressed with other situations as well and felt better after a good nights rest. I still plan to give her her gifts and card even if she backs out. I agree that I’m glad that she didn’t wait until the day before the wedding to tell me, but I still wish she would have been better prepared in making sure her dress worked for her (time wise). It will all be okay and I was just venting/hoping for advice or to hear from other people who have been there and that it turned out okay. I was a bridesmaid a few years ago for a friend and switched dresses with a fellow bridesmaid (she had gained a little weight and I had lost a little weight). I was comfortable in either size but the other bridesmaid was uncomfortable in her original dress so we just switched! I’m sure that everything will work out.
ClassicCorvette: megz06: FutureMrs.Huemiller: thank you for your responses. I appreciate your thoughts and feedback!