(Closed) Stressed About a Surprise Shower

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

No. I couldn’t do this either. I think you should be honest with your bridesmaids, and tell them how wonderful they are for planning this etc. etc., but explain how it makes you feel, and tell them surprises genuinely upset you and give you anxiety.

Post # 4
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think its fair to ask the party to be a surprise, but not the time when it happens. Honestly, things come up and what if you make last minute plans on the day of your shower?

Let the details be a surprise (but there really isn’t a lot of difference between types of showers anyway) but get a date from them. Hopefully that eases your mind.

Post # 5
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with PP Just let them know that you are having anxiety and ask if you can just find out the date of the shower and what to wear (or some other detail your stressing about) But they could keep everything else a secret…

Post # 6
46219 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m taking the opposite position. Lots of things in life are a surprise. You already know they are planning a shower, so you make a special point of keeping your grooming up to date. It’s not like it’s the depth of winter anyhow. It’s spring- we shave our legs on a regular basis- don’t we?

Remember, these are people who love you. They won’t give a hoot what you are dressed like, but, because they love you, they likely will go out of their way to ensure they catch you in an appropriate state. More than likely one of them will be meeting you for lunch etc, so you will be dressed appropriately.

Let it go. There are lots of things in life to stress over. This isn’t one of them.

Post # 7
293 posts
Helper bee

Wow, this just seems ridiculous to me on their part. How could they possibly expect you to keep your schedule open and be ready for a party all the time? I would get as stressed out and anxious as you are!

The shower is for your benefit, not theirs, so it should be done in a way that makes you feel comfortable and happy. Some people like surprises but if you’re not one of those, why should you have to deal with it?

I would talk to them and tell them how you feel. Let them know you appreciate their effort but it just isn’t what you want from your shower. 

Post # 8
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

When I got married the first time, I had a surprise shower. My bridesmaids lured me to “stop by my sisters” on the way to work. When I got there, surprise!! They had thought enough to get my shift covered (I was a manager at a restaurant) and even buy me a few (3 I think) outfits to change into in case I was uncomfortable. I think you could get a cute outfit and give it to one of your BMs to bring to the shower so you can change if you want. Then, like PP’s have said, keep up with the shaving! 🙂 Relax and have fun, remember, everyone is there to celebrate with you!! 🙂

Post # 9
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would be totally freaked out too! I would really level with them and let them know how much you appreciate it, but you really can’t handle the anxiety. If you don’t want to do that – can you ask your mom or sister or someone else who you’re close to that would have been invited? That way you can find out without spoiling their work on surprising you.

Good luck!

Post # 10
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I understand what some of the PPs are saying about going with it and being grateful about the shower, but I think I would feel the way you do if I were in this position. It’s nice that your friends want it to be fun and a surprise, but you should be honest with them if you’re not totally comfortable with it.

It is ultimately for you, and maybe they do not realize you aren’t in love with the idea. I’m sure they wouldn’t want to do something that made you anxious or unhappy. Let them know how you feel. This should be something fun and exciting for you, not something that causes stress and anxiety. Good luck!

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