Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married next spring and my best friend has pulled herself out of the wedding. She might have another committment they may be during that weekend but nothing is definite. She says she can’t get out of it and got upset at me when I asked if given advance notice, she would be able to miss it to be in the wedding that day. I didn’t feel she had all of the details of this event before deciding to not be a part of it and it made me upset. I also had another friend that just wasn’t able to deal with weddings. I considered her since she is a good friend but decided not to include her because I think it would cause too much stress. Plus, why would I want someone that doesn’t value it next to me?
I currently have 3 bridesmaids: My sister, another close friend who lives elsewhere, and a close friend from back home that I’ve known for years (I was in her wedding as well). I moved away several years ago and no one that I picked currently lives here with me to go pick out things with me (though I am getting married back home).
I can’t decide if I should keep it at that or if I should also include some girls that I’ve met and become friends with through my fiance here. They all went to school together and are very close. Both girls have been supportive of us as a couple and of the wedding but I’m not sure if I’m close enough to them to include them in our wedding party. I think they would do a great job and make it fun but I also don’t know if asking them would catch them off guard because I’m not sure if they consider me ‘close.’ Both of them are married and included people they were very close to in school in their wedding party.
I don’t really have a close-knit circle of friends from school. I’ve always been the type of person that develops close relationships with a few people instead of being involved in large groups. Honestly, I am a little disappointed with the wedding party process and not sure what I should do. I don’t want my fiance to feel like he can’t include everyone he wants to because of my situation but I’m seriously not sure what I should/want to do! I am a little disappointed with my friends.
Post # 3
I know with my situation, my FI had 10 people he wanted to include on his side, and I had about four. We compromised, and I did half the number he had, which puts him at eight (he hasn’t spoken to two of his potential GM in years, so it wasn’t too much of a sacrifice). Would that work in your situation?
If you want to, go ahead and ask the other girls. They might just be flattered, and it might make you guys closer! It’s never offensive to asked to be included in a BP, so at worst they’ll say no but still feel flattered you asked.
Post # 4
Don’t stress! I know it’s easier said then done but you can do this!!!
Because my FI has lots of brothers, a really close cousin & 2 guys he’s really close with…he wanted them to all be apart of our big day. I on the other hand am an only child and I’m not very close to anyone in my extended family so it’s all girlfriends for me too! Needless to say, our wedding party is lopsided. He’s going to have more people on his side then me but I’m ok with it. I was nervous at first but now that I’m almost halfway thru the process I’m so glad I’ve done it my way instead of being super influenced by other girls (although I love them!)
I’ve been in quite a few weddings in the past where the bridal party is at each others throats by the end of it….I don’t get it but it happens. I say, keep it small and own it girl! Take lots of pictures and share what you need to with your sister and your other 2 close friends. Maybe you can arrange a girls weekend in your hometown and make sure all the girls are there and you can have a WEDDING EXTRAVAGANZA! You don’t have to ask the girls that live near you that you haven’t known for that long to be in your wedding but you can ask them for advice. They can help you feel good about your choices and take pictures when you go check out vendors, help you with DIY projects (if you are doing those), and tell you tips they found along the way during their weddings 🙂
It’s all in what you make of it and don’t forget about your surrogate “bee”maids! The girls on this wedsite are generally really supportive and give great ideas.
Post # 5
I’m a big fan of smaller, closer-knit bridal parties. I don’t think you should ask the other girls just to have more numbers. If the three girls you do have are the ones you feel close to and they want to be party of your special day, stick with them. Asking less-close people will take away some of the specialness of the role for both you and the people you are really close to.
Also, you and your FI don’t need to have the same number of people standing up with you. If you want three and he wants five, for example, what does it matter? If it does matter to you, there are other roles you can have some of those guys fill. You could ask a few to be ushers or perform readings at the ceremony.
Post # 6
@jo.lee: That is true about just asking them the other girls…most girls would be honored!
Post # 7
The girls that live close to you don’t have to be bridesmaids to go and help pick things out. I recently moved also, and none of my bridesmaids live near by, but I do have a couple good friends where I moved to and I’ve asked them to come along when I pick out certain things. They’re already married and they give great advice on things too. If you don’t want to ask them to be BMs that’s fine, but they can still help.
ETA: You don’t have to have the same number of people standing up for you guys. I have 3 and FI has 4. Some people don’t understand the point, but it works for us so who cares 🙂
Post # 8
@ldybug850: That was my thought too but now that I have had 2 friends either say no or backed out, I’m a little shaken!
Post # 9
@Delovely331: It would hurt me too but at the same time it’s almost better that they were honest with you from the beginning. Now you don’t have to worry about them dropping out or hurting your feelings later down the line.
Post # 10
What do you need them to help pick out? My BMs picked out their own dresses (with my guidance) and that’s it. I’ve done everything else myself. Only one of my three BMs is local. One is an hour away and the other is five hours away and it’s not a big deal to me. I know they’ll be around for the important stuff.
Personally, I would keep the number at three rather than ask a couple of girls I’m not as close to. Just my opinion.
Post # 11
@iheartnerds: I guess it was just the concern that these girls will be going with me to the fitting and the other girls I’ve chosen might not be able to make it. Also, my close friend from home and I don’t get to see each other much. We do pick up where we left off when I do see her, but we both have different lives now. I see the other girls here on a more regular basis and can see us potentially becoming closer. I feel like I have two different lives and am trying to make sense of it. This has definitely been the hardest part of planning.