Post # 1
Hey Bees. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. My fiance and I plan to get married in 6 months on a somewhat limited budget. I come from a fairly small family, and he comes from a pretty large family. His folks cannot help us financially, which is fine, but they keep telling us what we need to do for our wedding. I feel like they basically want to make a show out of our wedding for all of their family and friends. I don’t really want to invite everyone they ever went to church with just because they want them to be there. I would far prefer to keep it close family and friends, and my future-hubs agrees. Am I being unfair? I keep hearing how it’s supposed to be about me and my fiance, but I feel like there’s no way I won’t hurt people’s feelings. I just don’t want our wedding day to be filled with people who are strangers to me. (And I certainly don’t want to have to fork out the money for said strangers) I know I must sound terribly bitchy, but I just need some outside opinions. Thanks!
Post # 3
If they are not paying for it, they get no say. Do what you want, ignore them, and don’t stress. If they throw a fit, tell them that you’re working within your budget, and if they would like something, they are more than welcome to pay for it.
Post # 4
If you are paying for your wedding; you invite who you want there. There is no way to please everyone; so don’t even try. Make a list of who you and you FI really want there and don’t worry that because you invite this cousin then you have to invite all cousins or aunt or whoever. If they don’t like it tough; they’ll get over it or they won’t.
Post # 5
I agree with PPs.
OP, weddings/wedding planning can be a test of relationship teamwork! You and your SO need to decide what you want (seems like you have and you both agree) and then tactfully relay that message (over and over again) to well-meaning family and friends. If they aren’t contributing financially, they cannot guilt you into inviting 40 of their coworker and country club friends – stick to the vision you and your SO agree on and can afford.
It’s sort of like being a polititican- have some polite but firm decline phrases to go to, and hold your ground. You can do it, and do it your way, but you’ll need to be sure that you don’t let things go crazy out of guilt or obligation. When things got to a tipping point for us, we decided we’d rather politely decline our parents’ requests and have them feel a little hurt/mad about it for a while, than give in to all of their requests/demands that didn’t fit with our dream of the day and be resentful about it for much longer. In the end, your wedding is most important to you and FI, so (politely) go with what you and FI desire.
Post # 6
@vorpalette: completely agree.
As long as you’re footing the bills, you’re paying the cost to be the boss.
I have the same issue with my FI and this is basically what I told him.
Post # 7
No, no, no, you are not being bitchy at all! There is no need to have a large wedding if you don’t want one, and since you’re paying for it, you decide who will be there.
Post # 8
I agree with all PP. If you are writing the check, they get no say!
Post # 9
@clementine909: They may be wanting to help you not make the same mistakes they do because they are so happy for you they want to help. I wish I had had someone to give me advice at the beginning before the wedding day. I picked ppl, my husband picked ppl but out of love and respect we each told our parents to pick people they felt close too to share the special day with. We paid for the wedding ourselves.