(Closed) Stressed and needing words of wisdom

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If they are not paying for it, they get no say. Do what you want, ignore them, and don’t stress. If they throw a fit, tell them that you’re working within your budget, and if they would like something, they are more than welcome to pay for it.

Post # 4
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you are paying for your wedding; you invite who you want there. There is no way to please everyone; so don’t even try. Make a list of who you and you FI really want there and don’t worry that because you invite this cousin then you have to invite all cousins or aunt or whoever. If they don’t like it tough; they’ll get over it or they won’t.

Post # 5
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with PPs.

OP, weddings/wedding planning can be a test of relationship teamwork! You and your SO need to decide what you want (seems like you have and you both agree) and then tactfully relay that message (over and over again) to well-meaning family and friends. If they aren’t contributing financially, they cannot guilt you into inviting 40 of their coworker and country club friends – stick to the vision you and your SO agree on and can afford.

It’s sort of like being a polititican- have some polite but firm decline phrases to go to, and hold your ground. You can do it, and do it your way, but you’ll need to be sure that you don’t let things go crazy out of guilt or obligation. When things got to a tipping point for us, we decided we’d rather politely decline our parents’ requests and have them feel a little hurt/mad about it for a while, than give in to all of their requests/demands that didn’t fit with our dream of the day and be resentful about it for much longer. In the end, your wedding is most important to you and FI, so (politely) go with what you and FI desire.

Post # 6
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@vorpalette:  completely agree.

As long as you’re footing the bills, you’re paying the cost to be the boss. 

I have the same issue with my FI and this is basically what I told him.

Post # 7
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

No, no, no, you are not being bitchy at all! There is no need to have a large wedding if you don’t want one, and since you’re paying for it, you decide who will be there. 

Post # 8
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with all PP. If you are writing the check, they get no say!

Post # 9
Member
6 posts
Newbee

@clementine909:  They may be wanting to help you not make the same mistakes they do because they are so happy for you they want to help. I wish I had had someone to give me advice at the beginning before the wedding day.   I picked ppl, my husband picked ppl but out of love and respect we each told our parents to pick people they felt close too to share the special day with. We paid for the wedding ourselves.

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