- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
So I really don’t want this to come across as being whiney or anything, but I must vent. Our wedding is in a little over a month, and I am so totally over the whole thing. I wish we could just run away – just the 2 of us – and have our special day together. A little background – fiance and I have been together for a long time – 8 years. We are paying for our entire wedding ourselves. We are doing this because we can – we’ve both worked very hard and established our careers and we’re at a point in our lives where we can afford to throw the type of wedding we want. My parents aren’t paying for anything – this was my choice. To be honest, I don’t think they would be able to even if they wanted to – and it’s kind of a touchy subject with them. But that’s fine – I always knew I would do it myself anyway and I want them to save their money to retire one day! A large chunk of both of our families live overseas, so that eliminates a lot of people who aren’t able to come. We’re planning this wedding for around 75-80 people.
I guess my problem is….. I know this is my wedding and it shouldn’t really be important to anybody else besides me, but it just feels like nobody really cares one way or another. My family seems so indifferent to the whole thing. They’re kind of giving me the “just tell me when and where to show up” attitude. Not that I expect any of them to start jumping up and down and doing backflips in excitement, but a little enthusiasm wouldn’t hurt. The people who do show genuine enthusiasm are the people who probably shouldn’t! Friends from work and people we aren’t as close to. And that’s really been throwing me for a loop.
I am totally NOT a bridezilla. I let my bridesmaids choose the dress they want to wear, whatever shoes they want, how they want to wear their hair, etc. I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that I don’t even want a shower or bachelorette party, but she is insisting on it….. but then on the other hand, she has her own life to live and I feel like planning my shower has been a burden on her. She wouldn’t come right out and say anything about it, but I’ve known her my whole life and I can tell.
One of my other bridesmaids (who is out of state) just canceled on me – after I ordered and paid for her dress. I told her numerous times before that I did not want her to feel obligated to be a bridesmaid and that I completely understood if she wasn’t able to do it, blah blah blah. Hell, I even offered to pay for her plane ticket and dress to be in my wedding. I must have asked her at least 5 times, but then she sent me an e-mail – not even a phone call – to tell me she wasn’t sure how it would all work out with her coming down because her daughter has a school fieldtrip a week before my wedding and she’s strapped for cash (that was her reason). It’s none of my business how she lives her life and what she does, but it hurt my feelings that she just didn’t care that she left me to pay for everything and to deal with her dropping out one month away from my wedding (FYI, our engagement was a little over a year long so it’s not like she didn’t have ample time – we only ordered the dresses in February).
I don’t want this to sound like a pity party, but I just feel like the people who do seem to care are people I wouldn’t expect to care – wives of my fiance’s friends, people I work with, etc. The people who I feel should care (family, best friends), just don’t seem to. I don’t know if this is a normal thing to go through or not, but it’s really just putting a damper on my mood – to the point where I don’t even want to think about the wedding or talk to anybody about it. I get uncomfortable even talking to my parents because I think they feel bad that they’re not paying for it, but I don’t know how else to explain to them that it doesn’t matter to me who pays for what.
So yeah…. I just needed to get that out. Anybody else go through something like this? It’s just frustrating and it makes it so hard for me to be excited about my wedding when I feel like it’s just putting people out and that they don’t really care. That’s why I wish we could just fly away somehwere alone! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!! OK, I’m done. 🙂