Post # 1
So. We are planning an engagement party, which has turned into a mini wedding. My parents are pulling me in one direction and his family the other.
His mother is very passive and any little comment I make about things im upset about his mom/my future mother in law flips it and makes it into something its not.Same goes when I talk to my parents. No matter what I say someone is upset. And yet everyone tells me to calm down. I feel I’m getting no motherly support. I tried to voice how I’m feeling to my FI but of course he defends his mom.
Then today his mom “jokingly” said “are all russian women so hard” (I’m russian) and I got defensive and responded “why is being russian so bad”. Then while picking lighting colors his brother told me to relax, because eveeyone became set on a color I wasn’t yet into. I said “why do I have to relax”. He got offended stormed out. And guess who chased who to apologize. ME!
I’m not mean to anyone. I’ve DIY’d elements. I booked all my own appointments and I took care of florals. Why is everyone telling me to relax! Why can’t people understand and try to be there for me.
Is this normal? Do people give the bride a hard time and then are shocked that she is stressed? HELP!
Post # 2
pugmomma: I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, that’s incredibly frustrating. I think it could be one of two things. Either your family is projecting the bridezilla stereotype on you, assuming that any opinion you voice is domineering, or if could be that you’re genuinely showing how stressed you are and they’re responding to that. Either way their response is totally sexist – have you ever seen someone tell a man to relax? The words “calm down honey” make me want to stab…
I think you might have too many cooks in the kitchen. Why his brother’s opinion about lighting color is relevant is beyond me. If the parents are paying and want to control the engagement party, I vote go ahead and let them. It’s not the actual wedding, if they throw a party you don’t really like it’s just one day. And if you guys are throwing the party without financial help, stop talking about this with the parents. It sounds like they’re not making the process any easier so no need to involve them. Good luck!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I have to say– take this party as a lesson and DO NOT let all these people become involved in the actual wedding. In fact, I agree with the PP: let them “have” this party. Seriously, who cares about the color scheme for an engagement party? Let them plan it however the heck they want. Then go on and plan the WEDDING you want.
Post # 4
Have the party, but don’t tell anyone about the details. I kept most things about my weddings (I had TWO parties!) under wraps. This way, no one can really have an opinion, and I dont’ have to defend each decision I make.
Post # 5
Who is hosting the engagement party? That person sets the plan. The End.
Also, honestly, lights and DIY elements are very minor details that are probably only important to you as the bride. As a guest (which included your family), no one cares about your lights, flowers, or decorations. People care about is when and where convenient and hospitable. Maybe try toning down the wedding talk with the family members who don’t seem too interested.