Post # 1
I need help massively, my wedding planning is underway, I have decide to keep the three adult bridesmaids in the family my sister, future sister in law and my brother’s girlfriend, then the three younger bridesmaids are a friend’s daughter and my two goddaughters.
The problem I have is that my goddaughter’s mum is my best friend, we have drifted apart slightly but when we get together it’s like we haven’t been apart. As background she is married and when she got married I wasn’t a bridesmaid as she said that she had to have her sister etc. she also asked a mutual friend to be her bridesmaid but then said to her, after she had asked, that she couldn’t be one anymore because she had to have someone else.
As soon as I told her I was engaged she told her daughters that they would be my bridesmaids and would be wearing princess dresses before I even asked them. She has also now asked via email if she is still maid of honour and her daughters bridesmaids. I have never mentioned maid of honour and want to keep the bridesmaids as family, the other side to the story is my fiancee does not want her to be part of the wedding party. There have been some incidents in the past where she is dominating and tries to take over things which irritates a lot of people. How do I tell her that the adult bridesmaids will be just family and that she is not maid of honour (my goddaughters, despite my fiancee’s anger towards my friend telling them for me will still be bridesmaids).
I don’t like to upset people, but she took over my 30th and don’t want her to take over my wedding. Any advice and help would be greatly appreciated. thanks girls.
Post # 3
@Sunnyone:I think she *should* understand because that is the exact same thing she told you about the bridesmaids in her own wedding. It’s pretty presumptious to think that she’s in the wedding party nevermind the MOH!
Were you always planning on having your Goddaughters as BM? Or did she assume that as well?
Post # 4
@linz09: I was always planning on having my goddaughters as BM but really wanted to tell them myself to see their faces but she got in there first and told them. I bought my wedding dress this weekend, when I told her she said that she was disappointed as she wanted to come along as well! The thing is I want the dress to me a complete surprise to everyone, only my mum and sister came along which is the way I wanted it. It is a complete nightmare at the moment and this is pushing the stress levels up. I need to email her back to tell her the plan for the wedding which is going to be hard, I have no idea how to word it.
Post # 5
That’s not cool at all. It is YOUR day, not hers. You definitely should have been the one to tell them.
The dress is a personal moment especially if you want it to be a surprise. Did you go dress shopping with her?
You said that you guys have been drifting, maybe she is being so pushy because that is her way of getting back into your life on a more constant basis?
Post # 6
Ridiculous. It’s hard not to feel guilty about this but its your wedding. If your wedding party consist of close family then there’s your out. Explain this to her something along the lines of
“xxxx we’ve been friends for xxxx and I value your friendship and am happy you can share in my day as a guest. We have decided to have close family as apart of my bridal party and really want to keep all the special details between my groom and I …….. yaddy yaddy ya.”
If she is a real friend she will understand this and as she was previously a bride herself she should know better. Good Luck
Post # 7
I think that your friend should understand. She did the exact same thing a few years ago, you may need to remind her of that.
On the fip side though, (and not knowing your relationship with her at all) it sounds a little odd to say family only and then include someone who isn’t family, brothers girlfriend. Unless she is a close friend of yours outside of the relationship she isn’t really family and she and your brother could break up one day.
But ultimately you can have whomever you want in your party. I would also mention to her about her telling her children before you had mentioned it, as it could have put you in a very awkward position.