Post # 1
I’m really stressed out and irritated, I need to vent. This isn’t really even a major deal, but when it’s that time of the month, I guess anything can be a big deal haha.
Ever since me and my FI got engaged and set a date, January 15, 2011, everytime someone asks us “so, when’s the big day?” when we tell them, we get the “why the heck are you waiting so long” look or someone says “why on earth would you want such a long engagement?”
First of all, I don’t think it’s anyone’s business how long we wait to get married. Would we like to get married sooner? Of course. But he and I both think we’ll be more financially stable if we wait a year. I’m an LPN and I’m going back through RN school, I’ll graduate in May of ’11. He’s in accounting school, and working part time, currently looking for a full time job. Even though we make okay money now, we think if we wait a year, we’ll be able to save up a good bit of money. We’re both young and still live with our parents, so we should have no problem saving money. It just bothers me when people make comments like that because here we are trying to be financially smart and save up money and we get people’s crap about it.
Not to mention, 14 months isn’t even really THAT long. Of course it’s dragging by for me, but people have longer engagements than that.
I guess it just bothers me because I have like 5 friends that are getting married before me and I see people getting engaged and having really short engagements, and it just makes me wonder, are we doing the right thing? We’re not waiting so long because we have any doubts, we’ve been together almost 4 years and I love him more than life itself and couldn’t imagine my life without him, and he feels the same exact way. It’s purely because of money. I’m already stressed out with working full time and going to school full time, not to mention planning a wedding, I don’t need the stress from others on my plate too :[
I could really use some advice, bees. Thanks for reading 🙂
Post # 3
I heard the SAME thing. We had a 2+ year engagement for financial reasons. We would have loved to have gotten married last summer, but we wouldn’t have been able to afford it.
I too thought it was rude that people kept asking. It’s really none of their business and I’m not going to inform them that it was about money.
I made my standard answer, “Why rush?”
BTW, I also feel you on people getting engaged & married before you. A friend who is younger, has been with her FI less time, etc. got engaged this summer and gets married in 3 weeks. And had the audacity to complain that her dad “only” gave her $40,000 towards the wedding. I ignore people like this ;o)
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I getting married about a week before you, and I’ve had people ask me that too – and it’s really not any of their business! Just tell them that you’re waiting until your are more financially stable, and leave it at that.
The way I look at it, I’m getting an extra long engagement so I can really enjoy it! I’m hoping planning won’t be as stressful for me, because I have so much time to do it!! I’m sure people who are asking you questions aren’t trying to imply that you have doubts – just try not to let them get to you…you guys are doing what’s right for you and that’s all that matters!
Post # 5
You don’t have a long engagement at all! I think 1-2 years is average. Ours is longer, because of school reasons. We wanted to be completely financially independent before getting married, as that’s an important marker for both of us. People still asked, “well, why get engaged so early then?” like it’s any of their business…. it’s not! It’s between R and me.
Somehow when it comes to weddings, people take an engagement as license to meddle. Just smile and say “this is what works for us.” I really don’t think any more explanation is necessary.
Post # 6
Well dang! I wish we had a longer engagement! I was almost exactly a year (by two days) and it didn’t feel long enough to get everything done, have everything I wanted, etc. Have the people that said that never planned a wedding?
Post # 7
You’re right, it truly is no one’s business, and you shouldn’t have to justify your reasons. Your reasons are very mature and responsible!
I would just tell people, “Oh, I know, it’s pretty far off, but it was right for us and our timeline!”
We had a 14-month engagement, and that was because he proposed in July, and we really wanted a fall wedding, but couldn’t get one together in just a few months. And the wait killed me. If I had people asking about it, it would have stressed me out, too. I’m sorry, hun 🙁
Post # 8
13 months is long?! Oh goodness. That’s not long, you’re “average’ as far as i’m concerned! You don’t have to justify yourself to those people. Just shrug and say, “eh, there’s no rush” and smile
Post # 9
@ HotChildIntheCity – $40,000 budget?!! That’s absolutely insane. Thanks though for the advice! I like the “why rush” response lol.
@ Amanda.Lynn – Thanks girl! That’s a good point, we will be able to enjoy it longer and hopefully planning won’t be a stressful, we definitely have time to enjoy it lol.
Thanks ladies 🙂
Post # 10
Awww that’s super annoying. I think hotchild’s response is a good one and I don’t really have advice to offer but to say that I simply do not understand why people say some of the things they say? Like why do you CARE how long someone else’s engagement is? Why would anyone even question that to begin with? I don’t get it at all.
Not that my or anyone else’s opinion matters at all, but I think you and your FI have perfectly good and responsible reasons for doing things the way you’re doing them.
@hotchild – oh ONLY $40K? The nerve of that man….
Post # 11
We did a 15 month engagement and it flew by. Don’t let anyone bug you about this… just stick to your guns! It’s your wedding, career, relationship and life!
Post # 12
I already feel better 😀 . Thanks girls!
Post # 13
I got engaged 2 months ago, and our wedding date is May 21, 2011. And yes I get those comments too, so I feel your pain! My fiance and I are paying for the whole wedding ourselves, and quite honestly even planning a very budget affair, we need time to save! We would also like to trade our condo for a house soon after the wedding. Also, I’m starting grad school May 2010 and will finish May 2011. It’s an accelerated Masters program so it’s not really possible to take a break for a wedding and honeymoon, and we don’t want to split up the wedding and honeymoon.
So… we could either get married BEFORE May 2010 (which we probably wouldn’t be able to afford to do, and also I’d kind of like to enjoy being engaged for a while longer than that… both of us have ZERO doubts so why rush it?) or we could wait until May 2011. We decided to wait. Do I sometimes wish our date were sooner? HELL YES – I wanted September 2010 originally. And people’s comments do get annoying. I went to my first bridal show yesterday and all the vendors pretty much gave me the brush off, saying I had tons of time to plan. (Which – not really, because we’re trying to plan as much as possible before I start school and lose all my free time in May.) But financially and school-wise, this just makes the most sense for us.
Bottom line: people can be sort of clueless and thoughtless. I for one think your reasons for waiting make a lot of sense. I think you’ll enjoy the process more if you don’t have to worry as much about the financial aspect of things.
Post # 14
@nurselindsay and kittyachi: JUST from HER dad. They also have contributions from her mom, and his parents. And she kept complaining that it wasn’t enough. Ugh.
Post # 15
We had a few reasons. We bought a house first. Then a couple family emergencies and health issues came up that delayed our planning. We also wanted to be in a good place financially and didn’t want to rely on anyone to do this for us.
We got a lot of flack from random relatives, people who really should shut their traps, and eventually I started replying with “Great. Let’s do it tomorrow. So you’re paying for it? When can we expect the first check?”
That usually puts people in their place. A lot of people open their mouth without thinking. Some just are clods.
Now that we’ve set a date and people ask “why were you engaged so long?”
“We wanted to pay for it ourselves. We wanted to be in a good place financially. Our parents are nearing retirement age and we’d prefer they kept their money for their retirement.”
Anyone who balks at a young couple wanting to start their lives off financially stable is a jerk.
Seriously, in the grand scheme of wedding planning and the stress that goes along with it, let this and other small stresses, roll off your back. You’ll be happier and glad you did.
Post # 16
Kimmers – I’m in the same boat with you as far as trying to get planning done as soon as possible. I don’t actually start back RN school until May but I’m working over 40 hours a week & finishing up the rest of my basic courses before beginning back the RN program so, once that begins, there won’t be much time for anything! I know you can’t plan everything up front, but I can at least have the big stuff out of the way and just begin visualizing the rest of the things that I would like. Seems we think alike! lol
Hotchildinthecity – I just can’t for the life of me imagine why someone would want to spend that much money. I’m very thankful that my parents are paying for our wedding and even though I don’t have to, I’m trying to help out financially in any way that I can. But to me, you could put that money toward a house or something! You can have a beautiful wedding for a fraction of that cost.