Post # 1
I have one of those mothers – she takes drama with her everywhere, and makes every thing about her. Usually I avoid it, but I’m getting married in 4 months and it’s become harder.
Essentially she won’t let me talk about anything wedding related with her because it stresses her out. What am I supposed to do? I found out today that she has no intentions of being there for the rehearsal/dinner or while I’m getting ready in the morning. FI and I decided to treat our moms to getting their hair/makeup done, and she was like, “Well I’m not going to be there – your grandmother is going to be over and blah blah blah”
Should I let her be MIA? It honestly would be a bit of a relief cause she’s stressing me out to no end, but I feel that as her only daughter she would be excited to spend the time with me. And it’s not like my grandmother isn’t invited either.
Help ladies! We don’t have a whole lot more time to deal with things and I certainly don’t want to leave everything to the last second to please her.
Post # 3
Hmm… This is tough yes you would think that she would want to be there for all that stuff for her only daughter. If you want her there you need to tell her. But if it would be less stressful like you said it might be maybe just let it be. I mean as long as she goes to the actual wedding and reception thats the important thing. And I can understand her not going to get your hair done I guess.. But She should be at the rehursal. If it were me I would be upset and want her there. But like I said if you want her there then you need to talk to her about how important it is for you.
Post # 4
I would take a minute to organize your thoughts. You want your mom do be there right? But do you want her to be there because of what you dream your wedding would be like and how you wish she would act? Or because you recognize how she will likely act and you want her there because of that.
If you are wishing for things to be a certain way, then maybe its best she not be there. One would think that she would want to be there, but if she doesnt want to be there for whatever reason, it may be best she is not.
You need to decide what you want based on her most realistic expectation of what she will say and do and make you feel, not based on what you wish it would be like.
Post # 5
@ceamoste: Let her be MIA. I also have a difficult mother-daughter relationship, one I haven’t quite figured out yet either. Even so, here are my 2 cents on the matter:
Honestly, while you may miss out that experience of mom having you get ready, you should let it be a defining moment in your life. Not that you’re missing out on something, but that you are accepting your mother as she is–self-absorbed and dramatic–and choosing to not let it affect your life.
And just think, you might actually have a peaceful moment in the day without her there to make the drama. Good luck in whatever you decide.