- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So my wedding is coming up very soon and yesterday was my bridal shower. My mom and sisters hosted the shower at my mom’s house. This caused my Stepmom to have to come to my mom’s house. I totally understand that it must have been uncomfortable for her, and truly I do feel bad for that. I thought about it a lot before the shower planning, and tried to consider what I could do to make it more comfortable…
One idea was to have it at a neutral parties house, like a family friend or extended family members house. This was just unfortunately not possible because there was no feasable location nearby. The only other option was to pay for a hall, and we just could not afford it. My stepmom initially offered to do it at her & my dads house (which was a very nice offer), but I just couldn’t do that to my mom. Is it wrong to be more loyal to your own mother, than your stepmom? I hate to pick sides, but unfortunately thats the position I was put in. I could not deny my mom that experience. There was a lot of bonding & special time we got to spend with eachother around the shower planning, and I cannot imagine it any other way…
So at the shower my stepmom was just obviously uncomfortable, and it came across as rude to several people. My sister greeted her at the door and she completely ignored her. I went up to her to give her a big hug, and to be honest she kind of snubbed me. I kept going up to her during the shower to talk and ask if she would like a drink or food or something and she kept shrugging me off. It was almost hurtful. I really went out of my way to make her feel like her touches were on the day as well. I put out all her homemade jams with butter and english muffins. She made me some girly tea towels for christmas and I used them to decorate the cupcake table. I tried so hard to mingle around as much as I could, and I really did put a lot of focus on trying to make her feel included & comfortable. She left early, which was fine, but I was left with this sad feeling inside.
I just don’t understand why it is such a big deal to be around my mom & sisters for her? My dad and mom divorced when I was a baby. This was 13/14 years before stepmom even met my dad. There is NOTHING weird there at all, my mom is happily married to a wonderful man. I totally would never expect them to be super friendly to one another, but I also never expected that my stepmom would make it so obvious that she didn’t want to be there. She was actually quite rude to me. It makes me worry about whats to come at the wedding. I really dont want any negativity like that away from me on that day. I have a pretty decent relationship with her, were not super close, but we generally get along great.
Its hard for me to understand why she couldn’t pretend for one day. My sister had a baby shower that was coed and she had her dad there who abused me for 10 years of my life. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I put on a happy face for her and stuck by her side & pretended like I was having a great time for her. Thats what you do for family & people you love-you suck it up and get out of your comfort zone. Part of me feels like, if your going to be a wet blanket because you dont want to be around certain people-just don’t come then. I don’t want to feel like I am torturing anyone-I want to enjoy this time in my life.
What do y’all think about this issue?