Stressing about my fiance's friends

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I can totally relate. My FI’s friends are total assholes, although I believe they’re generally good at heart. The only reason I can really handle it is because they all live across the country from each other now, so they’re not all partying together… When they do plan boy’s trips to Vegas, I just try my best to focus on how much I trust my FI even when his friends are skeevy. It’s frustrating though because he is the type to not want to make waves and he just goes along with whatever. He would never actively hurt me, but he can be hurtful by being inactive too :(. 

And you know what really pissed me off?! His one friend (who will be a groomsman), who constantly talks down to me/is super cold shouldered when staying in my own house/treats me like I’m such a ball and chain when in reality I’m pretty chill, came to stay with us for three nights. The last time we had seen him, we weren’t engaged, so I expected some kind of “oh hey congrats guys” or “when’s the wedding”? I 100% recognize that he’s a dude and probably could not care less, but seriously?! Not a WORD of acknowledgement that we are engaged (and yes, he was FULLY aware) for the entire weekend he was staying in my home and I was cooking for him?! I found it so rude. All I wanted was ONE WORD of acknowledement.

Post # 4
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like FI might want to cut them off if he considers how their behavior is hurting your relationship, and if he wants to show you that you (as a wife) are/will be more important to him than his immature douchebag buddies. Phasing them out might be a way to show that he’s actually ready to settle down and be a man.

Post # 5
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Smellycatt:  Ugh, these guys sound like such douches! If it were me this might be a deal breaker because I feel you can tell a lot about a person by their friends. I guess the only thing to do is to let your FI know that the reasons you hate Mike and Ben. Think of some incidents where you’ve been really offended by them and force you FH to confront them. If your FH isn’t sure what to do and confides in Mike then you can bet Mike will try to break you guys up. I don’t really have any super useful advice for you but I really hope this is resolved and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. 

Post # 6
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Your FI is the only nonpervy one?  Hrm…birds of a feather flock together.

It seems to me like HE doesn’t disapprove of their behavior, so… you’re likely pretty stuck on this one.  Sorry!

Post # 8
Member
7214 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m sorry to say it sounds like he enjoys his friends behavior. It’s going to be an uphill battle if you want to change this, and I’m not sure you can. You probably need to ask yourself if you can deal with this. his married friends are still being douchebags, so it’s not like they grow out of it. 

sorry you’re going through this:-( 

Post # 13
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Smellycatt:  I don’t bring it up. While he’s rude and generally condescending, he’s never said anything so out of line that I felt it was worth talking to my FI about. FI definitely knows this friend comes off as a total jerk, but because they’ve been friends for twenty years, they have a special relationship. Instead I just try to give them their guy time when he visiting (being around him for long periods of time isn’t how I want to spend my time…) and do my own thing.

Post # 14
Member
7214 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Smellycatt:  huh. I don’t believe that, my SO doesn’t have friends like that. My ex did, but he also never grew up. Maybe you can work hard at getting new friends, who support your relationship. Marriage is hard enough without douchebags trying to prove their manhood at your expense. 

Post # 16
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Smellycatt:  Yeah, I’m sure I would feel the same way if we saw this guy more than a few times a year!

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