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I guess the fact that I am choosing my mother's clothes is not really letting it slide? :) BTW at my sisters wedding her MIL was an abomination, honestly, HER SON made her change, I only saw the 2nd thing, which trust me wasnt great! But it only reflects on her. I think I am guilty of wearing light grey to a wedding once.
FH and I have 4 moms involved in our wedding (a mom and a step-mom each) and, while I'm not too worried about their abilities to choose appropriate clothing I am concerned about 2 of them showing up in the same color and having it cause tension ... at the moment we plan to choose a bunch of colors (5 or 6) they can pick from and let each mom pick her color from that palette (my mom first, then his mom, them my step-mom, then his step-mom) ... does this seem too dictatorial? At first it seemed like a great idea but now I'm starting to be paranoid that they'll think I'm being conrolling and neurotic ... we have over 8 months till the wedding but I'm hoping to take care of it soon so everyone has lots of time to find something in their price-range that they feel great in.
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Honestly, yes that seems like too much. Why don't you just let them pick their outfits and work it out like adults. I would just give them the list of colors you are thinking and let them go from there.
Personally, I've never understood what the big deal about two moms / stepmoms wearing the same colour, jowen 0879. They will rarely be sitting beside each other, and even if they are, it'll just look coordinated. Plus, if they both love the same colour, then they should wear what they feel good in! But if it bothers them, then I agree with Katemw, let them work it out like adults.
jcm9608, that's fantastic! Even if a guest noticed that your MIL was wearing ivory, it reflects poorly on her choice, not on you. I'm so glad you didn't notice, and it didn't bother you on the day. Of course everyone knew you were the bride - most (if not all) of the guests knew you, and of course, I'm sure you were beaming all day!
Thank you for sharing!
This is why I love weddingbee! 
I was one of those overly dramatic girls who would've gone ballistic if my MIL showed up in white, off white or anything that resembled my dress. In truth, my fear over what my MIL will wear really reveals deeper issues because my MIL and I have a contentious relationship. 
But after this thread and another previous thread, I've read everyone's comments and realized how it would reflect very poorly on the MIL and not the bride. Taking that into consideration and the words of JCM9608, it really isn't that important. Thanks for helping me (and hopefully other bees) switch opinions on this controversial subject!!
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I truely believe that the only way some could take the focus off the bride is to show up naked... and in that case there may be some bigger issues to deal with!
Enjoy and just be pleased that everyone wants to look their best for your big day!
I'm actually going to a wedding this week and the bridesmaids, MOB, MOG and step-MOB are all wearing black. I'm not sure if the bride requested that or it was accidental, but that's what happened and I think she is okay with it. Especially with such a great-looks-fab-on-everyone-so-versatile color.
I've only requested that our moms not wear red. Our wedding is at Christmas time and I do not want a Christmas feel at all. So red is out. My mother chose a pewtery silver gown, and my FMIL hasn't decided on anything yet but refuses to wear black because the bridesmaids are and won't wear silver or grey because my mom is. Which is kind of odd considering the wedding I mentioned above, she is the step-MOB and is wearing black....coordinating with everyone else. :) Oh well!
Thanks for the perspective, JCM9608!
Sort of related....
My mom got (re) married last year and it was a very small affair (6 guests, destination wedding). My mom bought an ivory, full length, lace dress to wear, and she asked me and her best friend to be her attendents at the wedding, and we could wear whatever we wanted. I wore a blue silk dress. Her friend chose to wear an ivory, full length, lace dress. I thought it was weird. I didn't say anything, and my mom never let on that it was a big deal to her, which is good. But as our small little wedding party was gathering in the hotel lobby to go to the chapel, people walking by did stop and ask us which one was the bride, or was it a double wedding. I am usually not a picky person, but if this happened to me, I would be upset. I think I am also annoyed because I really dislike my mom's best friend, but I will never tell her that.
Both my mom and MIL asked me what colors they should wear. I told them they could do whatever they liked, but since the wedding colors were pink, lavender, and plum if they wanted to pick something from the pink/rose/cranberry or lavender/plum color families that would be wonderful too. They actually coordinated themselves, as they didn't want to wear something too much alike. My mom wore a really pretty pale rose, and MIL wore a dusty lavender. Everybody looked great. But honestly, I completely agree with JCM9608 - I was so busy and overwhelmed (in a good way) with the ceremony and the music and all the guests I hardly noticed. And as far as the photos go - we (of course) plan to have a portrait of the two of us to hang, but all the others will be in an album. It's not like we'll be looking at them every day of our married life. It's lucky that it never occurred to me to spend any energy on it, because it so didn't matter to me - and still doesn't.
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Great advice and thanks for the reassurance that in the end, it really doesn't matter, JCM. I won't say I've been stressing about it, but I have been a little concerned about what FMIL is going to be wearing. Shortly after we announced we announced our engagement, she said she could finally buy that dress that she's been eyeing for years and had always wanted to wear to her son's wedding. I have no idea what this dress looks like, but if she's had her heart set on wearing it for that long, I don't want to be the one to crush her dreams 
Even though I can't help but wonder whether it will 'go' with everyone else's (the wedding will be fairly formal) or if it's seriously outdated (I believe she said she first saw it almost 10 years ago!!)...I think I'll just let her know what the wedding party and my mom will be wearing and let her decide if she still thinks this dress is appropriate....and hopefully after that I'll just forget about it!
To DCbrideinATL; What possible dress could still be available for 10 years unless it is a uniform??? Or is she Amish? Dying to hear what it ends up being!
I amusingly had a sort of opposite problem, in which both my mother and step-mother wanted me to help them choose what to wear. I told them both what the palette of the wedding is, what I'll be wearing, and said as long as they don't clash with it, they are welcome to pick anything they like.
Unfortunately, they both wanted more guidance. I appreciate the sentiment, but was feeling a little overwhelmed to be asked to pick even more peoples attire! Eventually my stepmother picked for herself, and I found a specific collection that I thought would work for my mom and tasked my sister with closing the deal. Worked out great, and my mom's dress will be gorgeous.
Just keep in mind that either way they go is a mixed blessing!
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To be fair, more than one of the moms asked what we would like them to wear, are we are giving them a list of colors to choose from (at least 5 or 6 and this point and I'm open to their suggestions too) ... primarily, I think, FH is concerned that his mom get the chance to pick something she likes before his step-mom (step-mom is pretty assertive and more of a shopper = likely to think about what she wants to wear sooner). As for my mom and step-mom, they have never actually met one another and my parents have no real contact with each other so I think I would end up being an intermediary anyway ... on a side note, they actually look quite a lot alike and, while I wouldn't care at all for photo reasons or whatever, if they wear the same color it might be really weird! :P
In any case, I think I will give my mom a call tonight and talk with her about the idea again, just to make sure she's not feeling bossed around by it. And I've asked FH to scope out how his mom is feeling about it too. thanks for your thoughts bee-readers!
@ Hyacinth: I know, right??? And that is why I have to just hope for the best and try to put it out of my mind
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Sorry to have this be so long, but I just wanted to share.
Take a deep breath and smile for a second. You're getting married! I know you've planned this perfect day for so many months now and you just want to enjoy it and have everything to go smoothly..Including someone not upstaging you or mistaking someone else for the bride.
I was totally flipping out about what my MIL was going to wear. She had shown me things she was making the last 6 months of planning and I wasn't at all thrilled with her choices. I didn't say anything because it wasn't my place. Plus, she hand made them, so that was a huge no no on top of that.
Fast forward to the morning of the wedding. This is when she decided what she would wear. She chose a lacey, soft yellow dress that was ivory for our black tie wedding. She showed it to me and despite my previous expressions of unhappiness about any color being close to white or ivory being worn by anyone other than me at the wedding, I didn't even think a thing.
In retrospect, I'm extremely surprised.
I was so high on the feeling that I was getting married to this amazing person, spending time getting ready with my bridesmaids and mom, that it didn't bother me one bit. It didn't bother me all night. I didn't even REALIZE!
It didn't come to me until this morning, 2 weeks after the wedding, while I was looking at proofs. Yes, it probably wasn't the dress or color of choice I had preferred she wear, but no one else had a problem with it including myself, and there was no mistaking the bride either way. It is completely obvious, people are looking and gushing at you anyway. I didn't felt upstaged because I felt amazing all day.
In pictures, it's quite obvious who the bride and groom are.
So my message is, don't worry. You may worry now, just as I did before the wedding, but trust me, these seemingly big things will be overlooked easily later on. Let it slide, go with the flow..Smile and just enjoy the moment of marrying this person you're with! That's all that matters.
Don't risk getting into an awkward situation with your soon to be DH or MIL about something like this. Don't let her have something to pick at you about. Know what I mean? Relax. Smile. :)
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