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I know how you feel! I have the same problem! My venue can hold a ton of guests, but because of budget restrictions, we have to keep it around 100. We're basically just hoping (as bad as this is) that alot of the family members that we aren't as close to won't come, and we can sent out "b-list" invitations to all of our friends.
I SO FEEL you on this.
So feel you.
I'm going through almost this exact situation. Ours is filled with family friends, and we've been trying to minimize the 'kid guests.' (As we call them... basically people our age!)
We have 236 on our guest list right now, with 175 expected to attend. We can probably only fit between 125-150 people, and that is PUSHING IT.
You are not alone, dearie.
If you never talk to or see some of these relatives, why do you feel like you must invite them?
Put another way, if one of them had a wedding and did not invite you, would you be offended?
I don't think it is rude to invite good friends over family that you never see. It's a nice gesture, but there is a reason you don't see them.
good to see im not alone!
@betagrl - im southern, its a whole "respect" thing. 
If i didnt invite ALL the relatives i know that while i wont hear it (because HA i dont talk to them) my mom will get grief from it. and i dont want to put her through that. and they are footing the bill so its not like i can use the excuse "well im paying so there."
I still have time before the invites go out to tweak here and there, but i knew going into it that my dream small intimate wedding of my closest friends and family would really never be a reality! 
Again, I'm TOTALLY with you on the southern thing. My fiance is German, and doesn't totally understand all the politics of a southern wedding. :)
the worst part is that i would be totally for doing a complete destination type wedding and that would eliminate all these problems (since most of my aunts and uncles wouldnt be able to make it) but also because of those southern roots, i really want a traditional wedding *pout*
my FH doesnt quite get it either - and hes got a longer list of guests than i do. I consented since he didnt put up a fight where the event would be. if it was up to him it would be a 300 person wedding in a field somewhere.
I've got about 60 relatives (aunts, uncles and cousins). I'm inviting about 20 of them, the aunts and uncles I know and am close to, and their children. Plus my grandparents, and one great-aunt who was like a second mother to my mother growing up. We don't have the space for so many people, plus FH has like 10 people in his whole family so it would have been more of a family reunion than a wedding about us. We made the call to invite friends over family - not an easy call to make and we don't have the southern politics (or parents paying) to complicate matters, but I do know that it's not a great feeling!
Yeah, my fiance has tacked on these random dudes from the aerospace lab. Like, I cut my friend list down WAAY low (only like 9 people outside my bridal party). He added on the lab, the people he plays soccer with, etc. All total about 30 people that we/he never does anything socially with. Yes, he only has 3 people for groomsmen, and I have 5... Blurg. He's not getting it.
He will though. I just have to be gentle. lol
My best suggestion is to have an early rsvp date and hope a lot of your family doesn't attend. then have a "b list" of friends and you can invite them when the no's come back. sorry :(
I know how you feel!! We originally had a guest list of 70, but now its almost doubled to 130!! And that's only because the parents got involved, the FI and I tried to fight it and even said that we're the ones paying for it, but the parents then told us they'd pay for them if they came! Luckily, we're having a destination wedding so I know half of them will come (we hope)!
Their (the parents) thing was, just as long as you invite them so they're feelings don't get hurt....well now my BUDGET is hurt!! AARRGGHHH!!
We have a huge family too and pretty much had to keep it to family only with just a few mutual friends. Luckily I am pretty close to my whole family. I live 10 hours away from all of them too so for the people that don't want to be there it is easier for them to say no. We have an ever growing b-list so it looks like it'll be 150 people either way. It isn't fun to have to decide who should be there for political and who you want there for personal reasons.
We're going through guest list drama too. My parents are very social and have a massive guest list, which need to be cut to pieces. The family friends I know should be on the list - people I've never heard of (my Mom's bridge group) should not be on the list. She's starting to understand this (thank goodness).
FI originally wanted to invite all these randoms. Then he realized the cost per person and has since dropped a lot of those people from the guest list.
At this point I don't even want to send save the dates to my parents friends because I want them to plan their summer vacations and not be able to make it.
@betagrl: For this - "if one of them had a wedding and did not invite you, would you be offended?" - you are a genius. You've just made my guest list woes way, way easier to handle.
Hmm, I totally get the whole Southern thing. :-) But since response rates are usually about 80% or less, could you add a few more of your friends to the guest list?
@fiftyfootbride - yeah honestly theres a guy on the guest list for my FH that just has one name. im like "whos this dude?" he doesnt even know his full name! lol but i think that will be eliminated when he has to cough up addresses. Hes also got 7 GM, to my 5 BM. he wanted 9 GM. but i talked him out of that. we would end up with more people standing in the front of the church than sitting down!
@peytonL79 - yeah i would totally do the overage thing, but i dont want to be in a bind with inviting too many people and them actually accepting. my chapel only fits 120. firm. theres no bend on that. so i cant have more than 120 or theres simply no room. i think the early RSVP and b list is the way to go. I am mostly sure that the folks i dont know well wont show up. but sometimes you never know.
hmm wondering if my mom is reading my posts in that i just got a nasty email that basically says "remove all the family members, i dont care" ugh.
i thought this was supposed to be a "Happy" time. *sigh*
Ooooh the south is fun in terms of weddings. If you don't want them at your wedding and you're not close to them, and you'd rather have your friends there, I say go for it. I would be absolutely devastated if my friends weren't at my wedding; it would absolutely break my heart.
But I'm kinda harsh like that.
I have extended family that I probably won't invite because our family friends are so much more important to me. Our blood family isn't that close, but our family friends are family.
<span style="font-size: x-small; color: #81a026;">spaganya - I'm sorry about the nasty email from mom - that sucks. Why is it that weddings turn mothers into completely irrational momzillas? ;-)
It *is* supposed to be a happy time, but it's also a stressful time. Hopefully she'll calm down soon.
@spaganya- Same here. I'm like, you don't know their whole name? Gotta pick your battles, I guess.
Then later show them the right way. :p
I totally feel you on this...FH & I spent most of our planning time thus far discussing the guest list. While I can't relate to the Southern aspect, it sounds frightfully familiar to the Hawaiian aspect - 'Ohana (family) is EVERYTHING! And usually HUGE in number. It took me MONTHS to get to this decision, but with a family 6 times the size of my FH's (and that's just my parents' immediate family - we haven't even touched extended - like parents' cousins or aunts/uncles, with whom my parents & I spend practically every holiday), it just wasn't right to invite them all & have such a one-side wedding. So, while his whole family (on both sides) will be invited (total of 16 people - which includes ALL of his aunts, uncles, cousins, & their kids), I will only invite my living grandparents, my father's two full siblings + spouses, ONE of my mother's 7 sibs + her spouse (my godparents), & the two cousins that my parents practically raised in our home and their two children, who are in our wedding party. With my parents, that totals 15...so now the sides are even. That's 31 family members, which opened up the rest of our guest list for friends.
Due to budget issues, our guest list maxes out at 68 (7 of which are under 3 years old), so it's not like a LOT of people are invited...but with the solution above, all the family members are ones we are VERY close to & about 1/2 our guest list includes our close friends. I forgot to mention that we are footing almost the whole bill ourselves...but our parents have been SUPER supportive of our decision. I'm not sure if my solution works for you, but could you use the smaller size of your FH's family to cut your family guests & include a few more friends? ...just a thought.
Hope it works more in your favor in the future!
Whoops! Forgot to mention one more concession: our wedding is in our "home" city - but not the city either FH or I are from. So, the Christmas after the wedding, we're going to throw a celebration for all the people in Hawaii that we wished we could invite...I think this might make all my cousins, aunts, uncles, & further extended relatives feel included. We're also looking into videostreaming the wedding on our website, so that everyone who couldn't make it or couldn't be invited can still "be at" the wedding. Just another way to try to include everyone...
I just faced up to this issue tonight this evening. I added up just our immediate family (parents, sibs, aunts, uncles, cousins and my grandmother) and realized it is one hundred and two people. ~hyperventilating~
This means that we have 16 slots for friends (holding 2 seats for officiant & spouse). And my guy wants to invite roughly 50 other people. Something, somewhere has got to give. Hopefully it won't be my sanity.
@ms.pascua: That is brilliant about keeping your family small so the two sides will be even! I am totally using that to argue for why we shouldn't invite my gazillion random relatives -- because my FH has such a small family! Genius!
@Serya yeah that is kinda how it went for me...
and as an update, i had yet another "come to jesus" meeting with my mom to try and hash out the whole thing. she seems to understand so we will see how long the truce lasts :)
right now the list still sits at 126, and i have a standby list of my friends when my mother confirms whether or not family members will accept or not.
*cross your fingers for me!!!!*
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I am totally stressing.
My FH and I have set a venue that holds 120 (not including bridal party) firm. both of us have large families however. His is mostly out of town and since we picked somewhere not in my hometown (about an hour away) its kind of a semi-destination wedding.
Our guest list is currently at 126, and while i am guessing that some of the folks on the list wont be able to make it, im bummed because im looking at my list and 85% of it are family members i barely know (but mind you they are all aunts and uncles). while there are a few aunts and uncles i am very close to, the majority i never see or talk to, and really wouldnt miss at my wedding. but its not like i can invite half my aunts and uncles.
i really wish i could invite more of my closer friends that i have known for years and have actually taken interest in my life, but alas, they are on the sidelines. Mom says "its your day invite who you want" but i know if i do that its super rude and just plain not right.
As of now it looks like im stuck with a wedding of strangers! boo. :(
has ANYONE else been in this situation? what did you do?