Weddingbee boards

I feel upset because many of my friends/cousins etc have had their families pay for almost their entire wedding. My family and also my fiances family are only offering to pay for a small amount of the wedding which will probably only be about a third of the total cost. I don't want to sound ungrateful about that, but its hard to afford a wedding. Because of that we are planning a budget wedding. We are trying to keep the guest list down, having it in the day time since thats cheaper, and not having an open bar.

The problem with that is both our families have a long list of people they went to invite.  On top of that friends I barely ever see and haven't talked to in like a year are popping out of the wood work saying they want to come to the wedding, expecting they are invited. Friends have told me they find it tacky if people have to pay for their drinks. My DF and I are going to have wine, soda and punch for everyone but we can't afford to pay for the mixed drinks. The venue we picked offers a bar option where people can pay for their drinks but I don't know if people will find that tacky.

Others keep asking and suggesting a theme wedding and other stuff like a photo booth, candy buffet etc. All nice suggestions but I just see them as costing more.

I guess the bottom line is I don't want people to be disapointed in the wedding. My Mom has suggested getting a credit card to help pay for extra things but I don't want to be paying off wedding debt once we are married.

We paid for most of our wedding ourselves as well. A ton of DIY and bartering went a long way. As for the guest list we made some rules and stuck with them. The first we created the list we wanted. Budgeted everything out like food, rentals, drinks, cake etc and divided it by how many people were on the list. If any of our parents wanted to add someone they had to cover the cost, above what they were helping us out with, to include that person. Explain that your original budget included what they had already promised you and the extra people take you over that, things add up quick. As for friends we had a rule that unless we have talked on the phone in the last year they were on the B list or cut all together.

*hugs* it hurts to be stressing about money for your wedding when everyone around you seems to have things handed to them.

I think the PP have all had good advice so I won't repeat it but remember: you will never, ever be able to please everyone. That's probably the hardest thing to really cope with, but once you've got that down, other things somehow tend to fall into place.

Best of luck and remember-no matter what, you will have a gorgeous, memorable wedding no matter the budget and that you will be married at the end of it :)

We are admittedly getting some help from my grandpa to pay for the wedding, but we started the whole process expecting to pay for the wedding ourselves.  Despite grandpa chipping in, I have largely stuck to the same budget and kept the same ideas.  The only thing we've added is a few paper goods, some professional bouquets, and a few hours of videography to gift our grandparents with (who couldn't make it because of their health).

We are having a small wedding of about 60 people.  We both come from families with big extended families who expect to be invited - especially FI's fam.  But we were able to limit the guest list by telling everyone we were "pseudo-eloping" and it was just for immediate family and friends.  Then we made an A list and a B list.  A list people got their invitations first, with verbal requests that they RSVP as soon as possible.  A few weeks later, based on the A list responses, we sent out B list invites in priority order.  

I'm not going to lie, it was uncomfortable.  In my culture, weddings with 500-700 people are not uncommon.  But I'm in law school and he was studying for the Bar Exam and its what we had to do.  Whenever people tried to hint about the wedding, we would just say we were basically eloping with our family and that we had a very small guest list.  Usually they would just drop it at that point.

We are only doing beer and wine and champagne toasts.  And we're totally okay with that. Remember, its a daytime wedding. We're serving lunch and a little cake and dancing and everyone should be headed home at 4pm.  You can tell people a full open bar just seemed unwise, given that its in the afternoon and it will just make them feel like lushes.  Don't even offer a cash bar - just offer what you want and stick to it.  Wine is PLENTY.

In fact, maybe you can offer a lighter meal too.  Not less food, just something that isn't so heavy and dinner-like.  If you offered salad, rolls, a ham/turkey carving station and some simple sides (think brunch or picnic food), then it just wouldn't make sense to drink so much.  Punch and iced tea would totally be more appropriate for that menu.

One last thing.  With regards to parents wanting to add a million people to the wedding list.  We told our parents that they were welcome to host their own receptions/brunches/open houses.  They could do whatever they wanted and invite whoever they wanted and we would show up, but we couldn't do more on our own dime.  Initially, both our moms took us up on the offer until my own mother realized what a nightmare planning a guest list was.  Once she realized how many people she'd have to invite and how much it was going to cost, she cancelled her reception.  HA!  We are still having another reception in FI's hometown 2 weeks after our wedding that his mom is planning and we are happy to show up.  Perhaps this is an option for you?

Good luck!  And yes, like PP's said, pay as much as you can towards each thing early on.  All the money snowballs in the end and its way better to have paid as much down on everything as you go along.  Also, keep a "buffer" in savings in case you go over at the last minute.  

I have to pay for my own wedding too, and it's tough because I'm laid off! I still do work for my old company and receive unemployment. Basically I don't spend a penny.

Also we had to move our wedding date to about 6 months from now to accommodate one of my parents who is ill. So there's not a lot of time.

Basically here's what I'm doing... picked a venue with a WEDDING PACKAGE that includes everything even the tax and tip! Includes everything besides photographer and music!
 

Don't spend a penny if you don't need to. I mean it-- don't even buy something that's $1 if you don't absolutely need it. It adds up so fast. Look around you and sell things you don't need. Offer your skills for money if you have any skills. I'd advise against a loan but if you need one for a few thousand I don't see what's so bad about that, but be prepared to pay it off with the money you receive as gifts so it would be out the door!

And don't be discouraged by the suggestions for "oh have a photo booth" and this and that, you really don't need those kinds of things to make it special. It's the finer details that do, and fortunately those finer details can be hand made to save lots of money!

Thank you to everyone for your input!  It has helped me to put some things into perspective and I appreciate you all taking the time to reply here :)  Thinking to past weddings I have been to I agree that I mostly remember the bride and groom themselves and being with family and friends more than I can remember the decorations and food they had.

My fiance and I decided we don't want to take on debt for the wedding so it has really has been about cutting the guest list. When a friend or co-worker that isn't going to be invited starts asking me about the wedding I immediately tell them it is going to be very small with mostly just close family. A few have seemed a bit hurt but I think they understand for the most part. I've decided its best to just not bring up the wedding with people I don't plan to invite, and to try and change the subject when asked about too many details of it.

We have come up with a plan involving working overtime, selling some stuff we have and not buying a lot of "extra stuff" like clothes, electronics etc until after the wedding. I worked out the calculations and as long as we can keep up the overtime we should be able to afford everything out right.

Today we went cake tasting at a bakery that is very well priced. The cake tasted fairly good and although the cake design is on the simple side I think it will be pretty. I know if we spent a ton more we could have got a nicer cake but in the long run I don't think it would have been worth it. We are mostly going the middle route, something nice but not over the top fancy and lavish, I think it will be ok.

Atta girl!  

We did the same thing with regards to going middle of the road.  The things we splurged on we offset with cheap other things so that it would average out. (i.e. I got pro bouquets from a florist I adored bc they would be in all the photos, but am going with DIY centerpieces to average out).  

You're going to be SO happy at the end of the day if you stick to your guns.  Nothing sucks more than spending all that time, money and stress on something you didn't feel was true to you.  

Also, like the PP said, even if its nearby and not very long, DO go on some kind of a honeymoon.  We're driving an hour away to wine country and staying at a relatively inexpensive timeshare for 4 days.  I said we could skip it and save the money, but the fiance was right - if we don't give ourselves a few days to just be alone and relax and let everything sink in, we will regret it.

Good luck girl!

Thanks Ginger123 :)

I saw you are from Davis, I am a UCD Alumni :)

Yeah I hope we can do a small honeymoon. Wine Country has also crossed my mind (we are in the Bay Area) or Hearst Castle or Monterey.  So I hope we will be able to do one of those things.

@FireflyT: How funny!  Yeah, I'm finishing up law school at UCD.  I loooove the Central Coast! We're getting married in Marin, so it made sense to just nip up there after the wedding.  But I love the area near SLO and its so affordable (well, compared to the Bay Area).  Laeticia Winery on the 101 near Pismo Beach is my favorite winery (their Pinot Noir is to die for).  Cass House in Cayucos is a tiny restaurant inside a beachfront B&B and they have one of the best tasting menus I've ever had for half the price of Bay Area restaurants.  And I love the Cliffs Resort for accomodations - it has amazing ocean views.

Hmmm, now I wanna go to THERE for my honeymoon!  :)