Post # 1
I feel upset because many of my friends/cousins etc have had their families pay for almost their entire wedding. My family and also my fiances family are only offering to pay for a small amount of the wedding which will probably only be about a third of the total cost. I don’t want to sound ungrateful about that, but its hard to afford a wedding. Because of that we are planning a budget wedding. We are trying to keep the guest list down, having it in the day time since thats cheaper, and not having an open bar.
The problem with that is both our families have a long list of people they went to invite. On top of that friends I barely ever see and haven’t talked to in like a year are popping out of the wood work saying they want to come to the wedding, expecting they are invited. Friends have told me they find it tacky if people have to pay for their drinks. My DF and I are going to have wine, soda and punch for everyone but we can’t afford to pay for the mixed drinks. The venue we picked offers a bar option where people can pay for their drinks but I don’t know if people will find that tacky.
Others keep asking and suggesting a theme wedding and other stuff like a photo booth, candy buffet etc. All nice suggestions but I just see them as costing more.
I guess the bottom line is I don’t want people to be disapointed in the wedding. My Mom has suggested getting a credit card to help pay for extra things but I don’t want to be paying off wedding debt once we are married.
Post # 3
We had to pay for our wedding ourselves. Between mortgage, student loans, it was hard to find extra cash to pay for all of it. We found that whenever we booked something we paid as much as possible on it at that time, rather than only paying just the deposit. For lots of it, they don’t require you to pay until the wedding night or the end of the weekend (that’s how it was for us). This allowed any money that came in on the wedding day to pay for the other services. Try to DIY when possible, and don’t worry about the small details because most people don’t notice. If you have food, music and booze, then the guests will be happy!
Post # 4
It is soooo possible to have a GREAT wedding on a budget!
My FI and I are paying for the majority of our wedding (UNDER 7k) and immediately cut our list ESPECIALLY the Parent list… which they didn’t get. FI and I made the WHOLE guestlist to our perrogative
My mom was totally supportive…. she actually prefers elopements for this VERY reason!
CONSTANTLY remind yourself of the REAL reason behind the wedding…. Getting MARRIED!
As for the assumption people… just let them know it’s small and let THEM KEEP their offense.
I had an AQUAINTANCE that I hadn’t seen in a year get upset about not getting an invite… PFFFFT… that’s HER problem… not mine!
Search for ways to make any ideas you have easier or cheaper to do AND remember that seeing all the awesome things on boards like this (as great as it can be) doesn’t make them NECESSARY for an AWESOME Wedding Day with Friends and Family!
It WILL work out and fall in to place.
Just Love your Soon to Be and keep that in the front of your mind b/c THAT’S what it’s all about 😉
P.S. DO NOT GO INTO YOUR MARRAIGE IN DEBT THAT COULD’VE BEEN AVOIDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weddings are NOT necessary for a Marriage BUT good financial stability IS!
Post # 5
We paid for most of our wedding ourselves as well. A ton of DIY and bartering went a long way. As for the guest list we made some rules and stuck with them. The first we created the list we wanted. Budgeted everything out like food, rentals, drinks, cake etc and divided it by how many people were on the list. If any of our parents wanted to add someone they had to cover the cost, above what they were helping us out with, to include that person. Explain that your original budget included what they had already promised you and the extra people take you over that, things add up quick. As for friends we had a rule that unless we have talked on the phone in the last year they were on the B list or cut all together.
Post # 6
We paid for everything ourselves too. I totally understand how it can seem so unfair when friends get a whole fancy wedding paid for by parents. But all you can do is work with what you’ve got!
I agree with you – going into debt for the wedding is not a good idea. Instead, I would limit the guest list – that’s really the #1 way to keep costs down while still having a nice wedding. Figure out your total budget – what you can contribute and what your families are helping with. Then figure out how many people you can afford. Split the guest list fairly and if your parents are unhappy with the number they get, show them the budget so they understand why you can’t afford to invite more. They can always pay for their extra guests if they want to.
In terms of having a “nice” wedding that people aren’t disappointed with – you don’t really need extras like a photobooth or a candy buffet! Just feed your guests well, and if open bar is the norm in your area, maybe you can consider making that a priority? If it’s tough to afford the kind of wedding you want even after you cut the guest list, maybe wait a little longer so you can save up more?
Post # 7
*hugs* it hurts to be stressing about money for your wedding when everyone around you seems to have things handed to them.
I think the PP have all had good advice so I won’t repeat it but remember: you will never, ever be able to please everyone. That’s probably the hardest thing to really cope with, but once you’ve got that down, other things somehow tend to fall into place.
Best of luck and remember-no matter what, you will have a gorgeous, memorable wedding no matter the budget and that you will be married at the end of it 🙂
Post # 8
I’m going to tell you the opposite of what you will probably hear from anyone.
Here’s a little background..FI is an electrician’s apprentice – he’ll be licensed one year after our wedding – and makes about $20/hour. I am a full time student and I nanny 10-20 hours a week for 12/hour. Sounds decent, we have tons of bills, here’s the kicker – we have serious amounts of credit card debt. However, I have never missed a payment (even though once in awhile I had to only pay the minimum if something came up), and I’ve never accrued any late fees. Debt, while not ideal, sometimes is unavoidable. I agree to do everything you can to avoid it, but do not feel like a bad person if you must resort to it.
I have spent many, many nights lying awake hating myself for our credit card debt – but while that number is there, we’re paying our bills and have a roof over our head. I am just thankful that I did not lose a home to foreclosure with small children, or have to drop out of school, etc etc. Again, it sucks but its doable for sure. At least if you are very organized about it. Write a spreadsheet of bills and when they are due, and plan ahead – I have every bill for the given month written into a calendar, along with their amount and the last 4 digits of the checking acct they’re paid out of (we have personal checkings and a joint checking).
I’m not trying to condone overspending what you cannot afford, but please don’t feel awful if you must use credit. It happens to the best of us. Just because you might be entering your married life with debt does not mean your relationship is set up for financial failure – we are entering with debt but we are both committed to paying it off. Just don’t go crazy and buy things you wouldn’t have in the first place
Post # 9
I’m in the same boat as you (regarding your title). I had a minor freak out a few days ago. I even questioned as to if we’re in over our heads. But I know it’ll work out somehow. As will your problem. Most couples seems to be in our sort of situation. It’s not rare anymore.
Post # 10
You do NOT have to pay for their liquor drinks girl! That is so stupid if people say it is rude if you dont. If you can’t afford it then you don’t pay for that piece of it!
We are paying for our wedding too and I am NOT paying for the liquor and beer either. There is wayyyy tooo much more important stuff than the beer. If they want to drink then they can pay. 🙂
Post # 11
@bhs133: I totally agree! we are not ashamed to admit we’re cash bar =)
Post # 12
I’m right there with you. Had a major freak out a few days ago after getting a few catering quotes at over $100 a person. This is on top of the $2k venue fee. Our families are only helping a bit and we are trying to keep things at around $8k if possible. I refuse to pay $19 per table to rent white linens that I could easily buy or sew myself! I have to remember that I will not be MORE married with a 3 tier cake, fancy china and an open bar. Gah. We decided we are going to DIY as much as we can and if we don’t NEED it, we won’t do it! 🙂
Hang in there!
Post # 13
I would never think a cash bar is tacky. Yes, it is ideal to not have to pay for liquor at a wedding… but I would be more upset if I wasn’t given a choice to buy it myself or if there was only one alcoholic option. As far as decor, favors, and everything, I don’t really care what a couples wedding looks like as long as they are enjoying themselves on their special day! I know it’s hard not to stress about these things but it’s your day, so do whatever you feel comfortable with!
Post # 14
I guess this is the week for freak-outs. I had one two days ago about money because I have to start paying another student loan off and that put a serious dent in my wedding savings plan. But it will all get figured out in the end. And we both have a year and a half to save up.
We did both agree that we are not going to spend any money we don’t have. So i think this long engagement is ideal in a way. We can pick up things here and there, save money every week from our paychecks and put deposits down when we can. I really don’t know if our parents are going to help out yet. We need to have that Talk ASAP.
If you want a big wedding, maybe push the date back so you can save more $$?
Post # 15
It would be awesome to pay for it but liquor and beer gets exxpensivve. My friend ended up paying over $15,000 just for the bar! WHHAT? Yeah right, no way. I can’t even have my wedding be over 10,000 total and praying we can go somewhere for a honeymoon.
Post # 16
I so feel for you. We actually just canceled our venue and moved the wedding to the family farm 1 1/2 hours away. We cut our invitation list down from 200 to 75 (only immediate family and our closest friends. No cousins, no friends of family, etc.). We are doing a gourmet bbq instead of catering. It was a shock to face giving up what we had been planning for months, but now I have embraced the small, less expensive wedding (with a lot of emotional support from the hive. thanks bees :).
What is most important is the marriage. While a wedding is an amazing celebration, it is only the first day of the rest of your lives as a married couple. Do what will make you both happy and what you’re comfortable with $-wise. It’s your day and no one else’s.