Post # 1
I thought I would get this one started because I could use a wide range of opinions.
Basically, my FI and I are totally secular, liberal people who are getting married on a sea cliff by a friend who isn’t a minister, but is a feminist rape councilor. We plan on having nontraditional readings done by an efeminate gay man. We will also have a “sermon” by a totally out, more masculine lesbian, and two of my three BMs have wives.
So much of all of this will be upsetting to much of both of our families.
While I don’t want to invoke god in any way bcause I think that doesn’t reflect our feelings and is disrespectful to people of faith, I also feel a need to not unduly upset people. The ceremony just reflects our lives, not a political choice we are making.
What I would really like to hear is if there is anything that the more conservative and/or religious bees would find soothing in a secular, liberal ceremony, or things that have worked for other people. I was thinking that a focus on commitment, not romantic love, in the ceremony might help smooth things over? Thoughts? Ideas?
Edit: in other respects, it looks like a totally normal ceremony. Cream dress, suits and BM dresses, dad walking me up an aisle, flowers for decorations, etc.
Post # 3
Are there aspects of you wedding that are traditional? Such as: Are you wearing a white dress?; will your wedding party be dressed similarly?; will you be walking up an aisle? – I think that if you have traditional elements to your wedding that may help your families to understand that it is a wedding with your own flare added.
Post # 4
Yes, actually, to all of that. I’ll add it to the original post in fact, so that it is more clear.
Post # 5
I have been thinking about this, and I think that both your and your FI’s families know you. They may not like it in the abstract, but they know and love you guys, and your wedding includes the people that you love. Sorry I don’t have any concrete advice! Sounds like you are going to have a very meaningful wedding.
Post # 6
I agree with mhirni^^ But also, perhaps you could ask family members if there are any readings, songs, etc that they love that could be incorporated into the ceremony. If those things reflect your personal views, it could be a nice way to incorporate those people into your wedding as well. In addition, I don’t know if this is helpful, but rock music is a very important to both FI and I (and how we met). However, we are having a very elegant and traditional wedding. What we’ve decided to do is rework some of our favourite songs (some with somewhat dark or serious lyrics) into the ceremony in a way that the older people will think they are ‘pretty’ but for people who listen closely, they will hear the meaning which is important to us. Perhaps you could use the same concept to incoporate dual meanings into parts of your ceremony or reception?…
Post # 7
I think we are going to have FI’s grandmother say a prayer blessing. With that being said, I wouldn’t say that we are atheists per say. I just have some very strong issues with organized religion…and welll…yeah 😉
I know it will mean a lot to her and to his family, who are more religious.