Weddingbee boards

My fiance and I have had multiple "discussions" about his bachelor party--- I really don't like strip clubs for a variety of reasons, but I decided to compromise and he can go to one for his bachelor party.  I can deal for one night.

But I can't budge on physical contact.  It's not a trust issue - I know the stripper isn't looking to take anything home from him but his cash - but I think it's disrespectful and not really in the spirit of marriage to have another woman all on him.  So he agreed that he won't get any lap dances.

Is this realistic?  I know a few of his friends'll be getting them.  If he tells them not to buy him any, are they going to listen?  I personally doubt it, but he tells me I just have to trust him.  It's not like all of his friends are dirtbags, but there are one or two I could see being like, "he's the bachelor!  Take care of him!"  Yuck.

I don't really want to lay down the law and say "no strip clubs," but I will be so hurt if he gets a dance.  I just can't wait for the party to be over.

Any thoughts?  Is a true look-no-touch experience realistic?

@Jessica22580 - I am not being sarcastic when I say, literally, good for you.  I wish it didn't bother me, because this would be a lot easier if it didn't.  But it does, so we have to compromise.  Just the way it goes :)

@ejs4y8 - I don't know.  In general, he's a morally strong guy.  But he really views this party as for his friends.  That's when I get worried.

@Jessica22580 - That was a little mean.  They're playing poker, going to a Bulls game, and then hitting the bars.  I expect them all to be drunken messes.  I just don't want another girls tits on his face.

@Goldilocks1107 - That's exactly how I feel.  It needs to be a noninteractive show.

@Jessica22580 - thanks.  I thought the museum comment was at me.  Although I should try saying that to him just to see what he says!

@Chachacha - yeah, it's not like I think he's going to ask for them or buy them himself, but his friends are going to try.  How is he realistically going to say no?  And like I said before, I wish it didn't bother me, but when I think about it my heart starts pounding and I'm instantly near tears.  It's just the way it is.

I actually wouldn't care if he put "rules" on my bachelorette party.  But since I reallllly don't want a stripper and don't anticipate doing anything I wouldn't be okay with him seeing, I'm not sure that's relevant.

@flamingred - I should have strongly suggested that from the beginning, but he does a rafting trip with his friends every year anyway, so it wouldn't feel like a b-party.  It's already set to go down in Chicago.

@hotchildinthecity - Because she's sitting on him, grinding on him, and rubbing the boobies all over him in a sexual way.  That's not happening when she's on stage.  I guess the difference is also, if they weren't in a strip club, a naked woman on someone's lap isn't nothing.  I just don't think it's okay for him to pay a naked woman to touch him, basically.

Even though I'm still pretty much in the "strip clubs exist to make me miserable" mindset, this thread is making me feel a little better.  Weird!  Thanks ladies.

If it's truly important to you (which I totally understand, but can't really sympathize with, because my fiance doesn't want to/won't be going to a strip club for his b-party), just tell him that. Have a serious, honest, but calm discussion (no tears or raised voices) about why you think it's disrespectful and how you hope that he'll respect your feelings. Listen to what he has to say, and you might be able to get your point across without a lot of heartache.

Despite what might be fun or what his friends want to do, if they all consider your feelings about the issue (whatever their root), he and his friends should not want to have a "fun time" at the expense of your well-being and feelings. It's just a matter of communicating your feelings very clearly and consistently before the actual events begin to occur. I think that if he wants to honor your request/feelings, he'll find a way to do it, regardless of peer pressure or alcohol. I'm not sure what kind of relationship he has with his groomsmen or how comfortable he'd feel bringing it up, but honestly, if he makes this request of them BEFORE they arrive to the strip club, they should honor it if it's really a celebration for him.

Hope that made sense - good luck!

@Sep_Queen - It's funny you mention that.  I actually don't mind if it's him getting pulled on stage and the girls spank him or something.  Then it's just for everyone's amusement and not so much a pseudo-sexual act.  The intent is different.

@stringerb3 - Thank you!  That's all I want, but I feel like people look at me like I have two heads when I say that.  

@hotchildinthecity - Seriously, good on you for being laid back about it.  But to me, it isn't an okay form of entertainment.  It dehumanizes women, encourages them to look at women purely as sex objects, etc.  And then the emotional side is... if that happened at a regular bar and I walked in, I would cut a b*****!

@jaylii9 - Huh?  I get the visual creatures thing (although if they're visual, can't they just LOOK at the ladies?), but I'm pretty sure my fiance and I both view sex as an act of love.  A fun act, and a physical one, but it's a way that we show our affection.