Post # 1
So I don’t like the idea of my FI going to a strip club. I know everyone has an opinion on this, but for me I think it’s disrespectful to our relationship. He went to his friend’s bachelor party this summer and they ended up at a strip club. I felt like crap the next day. He said he doesn’t want to go to a strip club for his bachelor party but that it might happen because of who is planning the bachelor party. The idea of this infuriates me and I’ve worried about it since we got engaged. I knwo the groom gets more attention at strip clubs than some random guy, and I also know his friend disappeared for a while at his bachelor party, presumably into the champagne room.
Onto the issue…
Anyway, I’m in school right now. Tonight, my class has to train somewhere that is right next to a strip club. My class is mostly men – I am one of three women. The idea was floated that we all go to this strip club. Apparently it’s very seedy and there’s a one-armed stripper and it’s more for laughs than to get turned on. I thought about going so I could see what the big deal is and maybe alleviate my concerns about FI’s bachelor party.
I brought this up to FI and he instantly got mad. He doesn’t like the idea of ME going to a strip club with females dancing. But he wouldn’t care if I went to one where men were stripping! He said he didn’t want me in an environment with horny men around. I said if he trusted me that shouldn’t be a problem. He said it wasn’t about that.
A long fight ensued where he told me I was twisting his words to make myself sound right! I told him if his friends take him to a strip club for his bachelor party I don’t ever want to talk to them again because they are disrespectful to our relationship. We fell asleep still angry at eachother. I’ve been stressing since I woke up about the fight. I’m not going to go to the strip club tonight because I actually respect his feelings on the matter. But it doesn’t solve the issue of his bachelor party. Or the fact that he apparetly doesn’t trust me.
Post # 3
Or the fact that he apparetly doesn’t trust me.
Is this not the same reason you don’t want him to go? I’m not sure why it is okay for you to go, but not for him. If you don’t want him doing things that you feel are disrespectful to your relationship, why do the exact same thing?
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@lostandconfused4: WHATTTTTTT???? Lammeeeeeeeeee
If your FI is concerned about you going to a strip club where women dance because the men will get so horny they will, I assume he’s getting at, want to rape you THEN GUESS WHAT!!!!
There’s your completely valid reason not to be ok with him being at a strip club ever!!
And I say this as one that is fine with her DH going to a strip club and vice versa.
Post # 5
@lexmek27: I was going to see if it was something I truly needed to worry about. He went because it was a part of the bachelor party. I do trust him, but the issue is that I feel him going to look at naked women that aren’t me is disrespectful. I’m not going to look at members of the opposite sex get naked and get turned on.
Post # 6
@lostandconfused4: now I have no problem with strip clubs – but why is it ok for you to set boundaries on what he can or cannot in order to make you comfortable, yet it’s not ok when he does it? Seems unfair to me. Either you both respect one another’s wishes, or you both do as you wish.
Post # 7
Its a two way street, if he can go, you can go. And this coming from someone who doesn’t care if their DH goes to a strip club (as long as their are no backroom visits).
Post # 8
@lostandconfused4: To me, this sounds like double standards: you wouldn’t want him to go, but feel he should be fine with you going. I don’t get that. If you find it disrespectful, and are against him going for that reason, I’m unsure why you would a) want to go and b) think he should be OK with it.
Post # 9
@lostandconfused4: Is there even a male strip club within a reasonable distance of where you live? If my SO told me that then he would basically know that unless I go to Vegas there is not one I can easily get to and honestly if I am traveling going to a strip club would be far done my list.
If this is the same case as you then I think he is tellign you that so he can go play with boobies and you are “allowed” to go see men but he can be fairly confident that it won’t happen.
I also suspect if it is seedy then there are probably lots of unsavory things going on in there and he probably doesn’t want you to see because you will be even more opposed to his possible bacholor party. Example: There is a seedy one in my area that I went to when I was young for a coworkers going away party. Anyways the stripper rolled up a dollar bill and put it someplace gross. So…
Post # 10
If you’re both not of with either one being in the strip club. Then you both shouldn’t go.
It shouldn’t be ok for one person to do it and not the other.
Post # 11
lostandconfused4– I totally understand where you are coming from, but I think there this is an obvious double standard that could be why he got so angry. This is just my two cents, but if you are truly worried that he will get so turned on my “seedy” strippers that he would want to end your relationship, something bigger may be going on. Boobs, are boobs. Guys love them- but yours are the ones he wants to see forever 🙂
Post # 12
I read it differently than you ladies. I feel like she doesn’t want her FI to go but he is not giving her thoughts any credence. So she thought since he’s going anyways she would go to assuage her fears and possibly feel better about him going. Then he got pissed that she would go. Which IMO he is the one with the bigger double standard.
Post # 13
sugar_biscuit– I can definetly see that as well
lostandconfused4– Maybe once things have cooled over you can calmly explain why you wanted to check it out and what your fears are.
Post # 14
@sugar_biscuit: I agree, I read it that way too
Would it help if you two went to one together? I am not a strip club fan either, neither me or my FI are interested in going, but I have been getting all worked up about it too. Maybe by just the two of you going, you can see what its all about, and see how your FI reacts in that situation. If you guys get uncomfortable and dont like it, leave. But better you seeing it for yourself. Then too, your FI can pipe up to his groomsmen and says hes been, and has not interest in going to one for his bachelor party. He should also be telling them its disrespectful to your relationship if they took him there, so that they know.
Post # 15
@sugar_biscuit: This is exactly how I feel
Post # 16
Since your SO is uncomfortable with that, I would be understanding (since you are the same way) and not go. If you want to see what the big deal is about, ask if you two can go together.