(Closed) Strip Club

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

If he’s sorry, why did he do it in the first place?  That’s the question I would ask him.  Had you talked to him about it before this?  Did he know you’d be upset? 

I think it’s not just about getting over it but fixing any communication and understanding problems so there aren’t problems in the future.

Post # 4
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Did you two talk about this before the B party? I think it’s a really hard situation if you didn’t, because even though to you that was clearly crossing a line, he may have just thought it was B party fun. 

There’s not much you can do if you didn’t set limits beforehand except express to him that it made you uncomfortable, ask him not to put himself in a similar situation again, forgive him, and move on. He’s expressed that he’s sorry, and while it hurts to think about, it’s over and he is your husband, not some stripper’s. 

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Did you know he was going to go? Had you guys discussed strip clubs before?

Give it some time, it wasn’t an act of betrayal, just a bachelor party. If he’d known it woudl bother you, i doubt he would have done it.

Post # 8
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, I don’t think you can get too upset if you never discussed whether this bothered you or not.  Maybe FI thought you wouldn’t care?  Some of the ladies on here (myself included) are okay with strip clubs, so maybe your FI thought you were too?

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You can’t expect him to just “know” how you’d feel about this if you didn’t have the talk beforehand. You can fix the issue now, but if you haven’t talked about this as boundaries, you’ll have to just take it as a lesson learned. give it some time and I doubt it’ll seem to be a big deal.

His friends just took him out for fun to harass him, not intentionally hurt you. I doubt the lapdances were as bad as you’re imagining. He thought it was okay probably b/c it’s a relatively normal thing to do and you never told him otherwise. And I doubt the girls were all about him, anyways, they were doing it for money, it sorta takes the buzz off it, I’m sure. And if your FI was uncomfortable, he could have stopped it, so I doubt it went too far.

Post # 11
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t blame you one bit for feeling sick about it. I would too! This is the man you are marring for goodness sakes! Ask him how he would feel if nasty naked me were all up in your sh*t at your bachlorette. I guarentee he wouldn’t like it. I think it is rediculous that a man’s friends think that a bachelor party is a good time to pretty much force their friend to cheat on the woman he is about to marry. Maybe I’m old fashioned but I do consider this a form of cheating. He wasn’t tied down to that chair. I guarantee you he could have refused or walked away.

Post # 13
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Agree with EJS.

@MisHRB and Lovebird: These ladies are doing their JOB.  They’re not attracted to your man or trying to steal him away.  Guys pay them to give lap dances same as I get paid to sit here and write financial proposals.

Post # 14
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If its a one time occurance and you aired your feelings about how it made you feel I think your work is done. A bachelor party doesn’t go on– its one night and nothing else happened. My SO went to a strip club for the first time about 4 months ago and his BOSS of all people paid for him to have a lap dance— it made me slightly uncomfortable but when i put it perspective– that he came clean with me about it THAT night because he wanted to be honest I was grateful. He doesn’t frequent strip clubs and has no desire to go back any time soon (i wouldnt be hurt if he went once every NOW and then.. you know bachelor parties or something) but as long as he was honest. I get to keep him at the end of the night and he doesnt “have a problem” or “desire” to go so i don’t see it as an issue.

But everyone is different! Im glad you told him it upset you but unless he does it again i think the issue should rest — he loves YOU and youre about to get married! Congrats!

Post # 16
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@hotchildinthecity: I’m not saying anything against those women. They can do whatever they want. All I’m saying is that when I am in a relationship with someone, I expect that they will abstain from participating in any activity where they allow another women to touch them sexually. I hold myself to the same standards, so I don’t think it’s asking too much he do the same.

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