Post # 1
So Dear Fiance is trying to plan his bachelor party within the next few weeks. The plan is to go to a casino and gamble all night. Dear Fiance and I have been to a few strip clubs together and they reallly don’t bother me at all. I actually think they are fun to go to and I wanted him to go with his guy friends. However, there are no strip clubs near the casino and one of his coworkers wants to get a stripper to come to the hotel room.
Here is my problem with this… at least at strip clubs there is some regulation. There are rules that are being followed and guys can’t really touch. I feel like all rules are thrown out the window when the stripper comes to the hotel room. I’ve done some research and seen some pictures online and the more money you pay, the more they do.
Not to mention the fact that his coworker kept telling Dear Fiance that “he needs this” and he just had his first kid. My other worry is that he is looking for this to be a huge crazy night for himself as well. Dear Fiance told him nothing crazy but I know if something did happen he would cop out with the excuse of “Oh, I didn’t plan it”.
I want my Dear Fiance to have fun with the guys… I really do. I want him to have a great night to remember. Just not with strippers in the hotel room.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you tell your DF?
Post # 3
I’ve seen some pics from a bachelor party where they hired a stripper to come out to a private location… and it was VERY different than the bachelor parties I know of in clubs. There was actually a shot of the groom basically performing oral sex on the girl… I was pretty shocked.
I would never tell my finace/husband that he wasn’t “allowed” to go, but I would be very disapointed if he allowed his friends to plan something like this for him. He wouldn’t touch another woman with a 10 foot pole… never mind a “professional” hired for the occaison, but I don’t like the idea of married men participating in something like this period.
Lap dances in a club are one thing… but what goes on in hotel suites etc… is something totally different.
ETA: DH’s bachelor weekend consisted of fishing, wakeboarding, and drinking cocktails floating along in the lake behind the boat. The worst thing that happened was that he got a sunburn. All his guys talk about what an amazing time they had.
Post # 4
My fiance and I have a standing rule that strip clubs are okay but private strippers in hotels, VIP rooms, etc. are not. That was the decision I made and I think it makes sense for the same reasons you stated above. Strip clubs are fairly public places and you can’t really get into all that much trouble with bouncers and other people around. Private locations aren’t like that so I’m not comfortable with it.
I say stick to your guns. Either they go to a strip club or they don’t get strippers. I personally think that a casino sounds like a great bach party with no stippers needed. Or if stippers are really important they can go find a club. They’re everywhere. But certainly don’t let a random coworker dictate things. He sounds a little pathetic. He can live without private strippers. I promise. It’s your guy’s bach party so you and your guy are the only ones that really matter.
Post # 5
@MissNoodles: I find that other people find out that a stripper in a hotel room is actually a “prostitute” so sex may be involved there.
Post # 6
I say private strippers are a big NONO…and agree that the rules are out the window…as long as his boys are willing to pay for the good time…they’re going to do it…
Post # 7
I have no issue with strip clubs. Darling Husband doesn’t like strippers so it’s not really an issue anyway but if he wants to go to a club with some guys for a bachelor party or something then I’m not going to cause a big stink over it. Hotel rooms are another story, though. My BIL’s bachelor party consisted of “entertainment” in their hotel room and the things that went on would have bothered even the most laid back of chicks. I won’t go into specifics but it was grossly inappropriate and that’s only what Darling Husband told me. I like to think that he filled me in on all of the nitty gritty details but who knows.
Post # 8
“Strippers” who go to hotel rooms are usually prostitutes… I would not be okay with that……….
Post # 9
Well, in my limited experience, the strippers who do come to homes/hotel rooms ARE different. Many of them are more like “escorts”/prostitutes, and it is more under the table (including in some cases…illegal…as it becomes prostitution in some cases), so they do not have the usual regulations on them as they do in strip clubs. However, of course, this varies. My husband, in his past, has been to some pretty crazy stripper joints overseas that had live sex acts and such! I am therefore assuming the usual North American strip club with rules about touching and the like.
I was at a party once where the birthday boy’s Girlfriend had “bought” him a stripper to come to home and it was awkward and definitely a bit strange. She definitely was a lot more…um…interactive with him than I have seen in clubs. There definitely was not the usual “rules” as in clubs about touching or interaction.
Obviously your Dear Fiance does not need to participate in this at all. He can leave when the stripper arrives and they can do whatever (I do not buy into the argument of peer pressure, if he is a strong man he will leave if that is important to him) but at the same time…but as I said before in some cases these can be illegal which adds a whole new element. So, he would potentially be participating in that anyway.
I think you two need to sit down and have a clear talk about boundaries and expectations. Ultimately it is up to your Dear Fiance, but perhaps a clear talk of your boundaries would (I hope) reflect in his choices, just as you have the choice as to what you want to do depending on what he chooses and does.
If he really feels strongly about NOT having private strippers, he will be able to stand up to his friends who are supposedly throwing the party in HIS honour and say no to the private strippers. If they ignore him and get strippers anyway? He should be secure enough to just leave and call a cab home.
My husband skipped out of a bachelor party, as neither of us is much into those pre-parties anyway. He has not been to a strip club in years, long before we met, not because of me by any means as I don’t really mind strip clubs in moderation, but just a lack of great interest in it. However, we both have definitely talked about our expectations and boundaries as it may come up one day for another party or something, and we have great respect for each other’s boundaries and expectations and are on a similar page about what we expect from each other. I do know and trust his judgment and his respect for me and our relationship and intimacy. A private stripper would not be a-okay with either of us.
Post # 10
@Jamergurl921: I’m sure a lot of Bees will tell you this: Just let him go and do anything he wants to do, even have a stripper or three in the hotel room with him and his drunk buddies. After all, you TRUST him, don’t you? And, if you don’t think it’s ok for him to be alone in a hotel room with women who take money for sexual favors (depending on the strippers, natch) with a bunch of drunk guys encouraging him and egging him on to do something, then you must not TRUST him. Because, of course, normal men only do what they SAY they will do, and are always 100% perfectly trustworthy, just because we think they are and want them to be. (Please take note of the sarcasm. Thanks). Edit: Oh, yeah – and you must be a very jealous and insecure person, and have an immature and unhealthy relationship, if you don’t “TRUST” him enough to be ok with this. Forgot that part, lol!!!
Me – I would say Hell to the No. My Fiance wouldn’t even think to ask such a thing, good grief.
The only way I would think this is ok is if your Fiance happens to be a very passive, flaccid, milquetoast kinda guy who wouldn’t be able to get it up anyway. Haha! Joking here.
Post # 11
Im all about the strippers… I had one at my b’ette party HOWEVER in the hotel room… NO NO NO. You can’t tell him what he can and cannot do. But you guys can talk about respectful boundaries.
You have to trust that he will make the best choice and respect you and your relationship.
Post # 12
I mean, whatever. Yes it’s possible that the stripper will bend the rules but not necessarily with your Fiance. Two of my close friends told me about two separate parties where the private strippers were basically escorts and in each case, the groom didn’t do anything at all scandalous . . . it was for the single and old lonely guys.
Post # 14
Darling Husband and pretty much all his friends did the “stripper” in the hotel room thing. I can understand not being ok with that, he has told me some pretty disturbing stories. I’d tell him what your boundaries are, there’s no reason he can’t have a great night out while respecting your feelings.
Post # 15
@daybyday: That’s not at all how my BIL’s bachelor party went down. The girls were there for HIM and that was made wildly apparent.
Post # 16
Ugh this creeps me out. I’m iffy on strip clubs (while I completely trust Fiance, I know he’s had strippers offer to take him home several times), but in a private setting? No. Just no. No compromise, no arguing, straight up no.