Strip clubs/strippers at bachelor party

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I don’t know what to tell you. If you want him to have a bachelor party, but you know these things are likely to happen… you either have to accept it, or nix it.

You don’t want to be the bad guy, I get it, but you’re going to have to decide which outcome is worse.

Post # 4
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

I think he needs to suck it up and tell his friends that he doesn’t want strippers involved. What’s more important? Your feelings, or his friends thinking that you’re controlling? His friends sound like douches in the first place if they actually make a big deal about not having strippers. Their opinions on your relationship don’t matter. If it’s that important to you, he needs to tell them and deal with whatever his friends say. Fortunately my SO doesn’t have friends who would think that way, and he wouldn’t hesitate to say no if it would hurt my feelings. 

Post # 5
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m not a fan of strippers/stripclubs for bachelor parties. I guess I just don’t think you should need a “last hurrah” before getting married, but maybe thats just me. I think if you need to go do that then maybe you arent quite ready to be getting married. Just my opinion.

I can understand the peer pressure issue, but at the same time he is a grown man and not a 12-year-old kid. The whole peer pressure argument doesn’t really fly with me when you’re a grown adult, I just think its kind of a lame excuse. He can say no. I think if you have told him that the situation makes you uncomfortable then your feelings should come before his embarassment of telling his friends no. Your feelings should be more important than his pride. I think I’d have more of an issue with him not respecting my feelings than him actually going to the stripclub.

Post # 6
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@dexter602:  he has 100% control in the situation and can protect you from being the bad guy by just telling them he doesn’t want strippers in any way, shape, or form at his bachelor party. i have some wild friends, and i was wild in my 20s, but that has changed drastically now that i’m 33…and i had to go to all the bridesmaids and explain explicitly that we would NOT be going to any strip establishments and i did not want any strippers coming to us, nor did i want to be paraded around to multiple bars with a penis-laden veil, humilated and made a spectacle of. he can do the same – and if his friends are real men and friends, they will respect and understand his wishes 🙂 just tell him to try it! and tell him he’s not allowed to “blame” you! lol

Post # 7
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dexter602:  @juliana192:  I agree. Your feelings come ahead of what his buddies think. He’s got to grow a spine and lay down the law with his friends. It doesn’t need to be like “my fiancee won’t allow it”. It can be “I’m not interested”.

On the night: he’s an adult so no one can force him to walk into a strip club. He can refuse.

My husband also ensured a very trustworthy friend was in on the organising. Does your fiance have a friend like that?

Post # 8
Member
9 posts
Newbee

It’s admittedly strange advice, but if you’re comfortable with it, I would recommend actually visiting a club.

For years I had serious issues with any type of strip club – it simply felt weird thinking about my FH staring at another naked woman with his buddies. Although he has never gone to a strip club, once we got engaged and started talking about the bachelor/bachelorette parties the topic inevitably came up and I was completely against it… 

Then I actually went to a strip club. I was out with some girlfriends downtown and at some drunken point blah blah blah…. Yeah, it was a bit weird, but it honestly made me feel so much better about the whole situation. In fact, I have since given my FH the go-ahead to do whatever he (or his best man) wants to for his bachelor party. 

Ultimately though, regardless of your decision, your fiance should respect your wishes Smile

 

Post # 9
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

@dexter602: 

@beaverbride: 

It’s interesting to me that your strip club experience actually made you more comfortable with those types of scenarios – for me it was completely the opposite!  I went to one with a mixed-sex group of friends and absolutely HATED it.  Of course it could be a difference in the type of establishment that you and I were at.  Where I was, there was booth-type seating all along the wall on the perimeter of the room, where men were sitting getting lapdances from topless strippers.  I felt uncomfortable (like I was seeing something that should be private) and also felt disturbed at how sexual those lap dances actually are.  I mean a half naked woman grinds on a man (who may also be someone’s boyfriend/fiance/husband) and his hands are ALL OVER HER.  It’s obvious how much those men are enjoying groping her chest and other body parts.

To me, that was the point where I thought, yeah, I’m not okay with someone I’m dating/married to participating in something like this.  Especially not in the months right before our wedding, as a way to “celebrate” our upcoming marriage.  To me it makes no sense and is disrespectful.  I trust my fiance with EVERYTHING, but that doesn’t change that this feels disrespectful to me.  It’s not about trust, it’s about respect.

For me, though, my FI seriously has no interest in strippers or a strip club and we have already made an agreement that neither of our bachelor/bachelorette parties will include those types of activities, and he’s already shared that with his friends and best man.

If your FI isn’t interested then he shouldn’t be afraid to tell them that he’s not.  And it shouldn’t matter that much to him if they call him whipped or whatever.  If he has mature friends, they will understand when he says, This isn’t something I’m into, and I feel it’s disrespectful to my future wife.  If he doesn’t blame it on you (saying “she won’t let me), then he’s owning HIS decision to steer clear of that type of situation.  I also feel like, if he’s mature enough to get married then he’s mature enough to stand up for himself and his wishes (if these truly are his wishes), as well as for those of his wife.

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