Post # 1
So, one of my SO’s close friends is getting married next month and the bachelor party is next weekend. They are going to a casino and staying overnight. Before they go to the casino, they hired a stripper to come to the hotel room. I know that the bachelor requested a stripper, but originally they were going to a strip club, which I would have been fine with. Apparently, there were no strip clubs in the vicinity which is why they decided to hire a private one.
I never thought this kind of stuff would bother me, but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it. I know my SO isn’t the one getting married so most of the attention will be focused on the bachelor, but thinking about it just makes me sick. I don’t know how to get over this.
What are your thoughts on strippers at bachelor parties?
Post # 3
@citysparkle: I personally think it’s stupid. This subject causes more issues than any other pre-wedding activity. To be honest, I’m not even sure why this has become “the thing” to do. In addition, most bachelors I know wouldn’t be too keen on their brides getting naked and dancing in front of a bunch of strange guys, so I’m not sure how these guys justify this activity. I don’t have anything against the strippers, since most of the ones I know are actually lesbians and hate men lol.
Post # 4
The idea doesn’t bother me at all. My FI and I have actually gone to strip clubs together before, so maybe that’s why. I know at the end of the day the girls are really just there for the money/they enjoy it and not because they’re actually interested in the men. I also trust my FI and know that he wouldn’t do anything inappropriate.
That being said, I don’t know how I’d feel about a private dancer coming to the hotel room… I think things could potentially get out of hand fairly quickly there when there aren’t the strict rules that are present at a club. But again, I would still trust my FI – not saying at all that you don’t trust yours!
Post # 5
I honestly can not understand the idea of starting a marriage with a stripper. Bachelor parties are to celebrate the marriage to come and I don’t understand how a stripper is a proper celebration. Even if it’s just “One last harah” before the big day, I don’t undersstand the justification of nude women in this.
My own relationship had troubles because of strippers at the bachelor party and I’m still months later trying to get past it. If it upsets you, TELL him! Don’t beat around the bush, don’t sugar coat it. Tell him your feelings and come to a compromise. It’s absurd that men in a relationship think it’s appropriate for this behavior, especially before a wedding. “Oh, you’re getting married? Well let’s celebrate with loads of naked women grinding all over you” doesn’t make sense to me.
I just want to drop kick some of the men who think like this. Seriously. But I wont
Post # 6
I don’t like it, FI doesn’t either. We both think it’s disrespectful and neither of us will have strippers at our bachelor/bachelorette. Neither of us has been to a strip club, neither of us want to. It might be ok for other couples but strippers are a big NO for us. The only woman I want FI to see stripping off is me, the only guy he wants me to see stripping off is him. And neither of us has any interest in watching strippers, never have.
Post # 7
@tigergrrl2008: I wouldn’t have a problem going together to a strip club, in fact I think that could be kind of fun. I think the problem arises when the bachelor chooses this activity without the consent of his partner. Often it is the lack of respect, not the lack of trust, that damages the relationship.
Post # 8
@housebee: I agree. Going to a strip club is completely different than having a private stripper come to a hotel room. The thing is that it’s not my SO’s bachelor party- it’s his friend’s and his friend requested some sort of stripper. In fact, I went out with my SO and the engaged couple a few days ago. The bachelor said, with his FI present, “all I want during my bachelor party are boobs in my face.” She didn’t seem to care when he said that, so obviously she is at least pretending that it doesn’t bother her.
That being said, I don’t know how to handle this situation. I’ve been thinking about it a lot so I’m definitely going to bring it up and let him know that it bothers me and that I’m not okay with it, but it’s not like they’re going to cancel the stripper since I’m not okay with it. It’s not even his bachelor party. It’s his friend’s.
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center
If they were going to a strip club itself I wouldn’t be so worried, but there’s no way my SO would go to a bachelor party with a private stripper in the hotel room. Absolutely not – that’s just disgusting. Sorry if that’s offensive, but that kind of act can easily escalate into something out of hand and just…no.
Post # 10
Personally it doesn’t bother me. DH isn’t going to decide to cheat on me with a stripper, and strippers are not all moonlighting as working girls. In reality, DH probably has a lot more chances to cheat on me with so-called “regular” girls than say, with the stripper at a bachelor party for someone else. That’s just my opinion though.
Post # 11
Personally it doesn’t bother me at all and I don’t really see an obvious distinction between a stripper in a hotel room and a strip club. The strippers are professionals at what they do (whether you approve of it or not) and one thing they will not do is do any more than the pre-booked strip. Maybe there are some that would but that would only be for a significant amount more money, they are not trying to seduce and jump on any of the guys there. Also as you said, he’s not the stag so the focus will not be on him.
Post # 12
@citysparkle: I would just talk to your FI about it. When my husband and I first started dating (we were LDR at that point), his cousin was about to get married. He and his cousin are pretty close, and naturally he was invited to the bachelor party. They were planning on the same type of trip (going to dinner, casino night, then strippers at the hotel). My husband went to dinner, gambled, and then went home because strippers-at-the-hotel was not something he wanted to spend money on. Your FI might just feel the same way; maybe he’d rather meet them at the casino or something.
Post # 13
That’s what everyone just basically associated with bachelor parties. I’ll say, I don’t blame you for being slightly concerned. My friend’s husbands’s bachelor party was having the strippers come on the party bus with them. And one if them did have sex with one if the strippers on the bus. Talk to your FI about this or you’ll make yourself nuts!
Post # 14
@citysparkle: Oh dear. Several Bees have posted about these private hotel room shows. They can get pretty raunchy. The other Bees that posted were shocked because the strippers used vibrators on themselves and performed oral sex on each other. I’m not sure what just one stripper would do…there must be another one coming with her.
If SO went to one of those shows, we’d be done.
My SO’s friend had a couple strippers come up to a hotel with him and his friend. Who knows what they did, but the strippers didn’t leave until the next morning.
SO and I don’t fraternize with strippers, in hotel room, at clubs or otherwise.
@RECrerar: I personally know strippers who have gone above and beyond what they were paid to do, like making out with the men and giving them bj’s in the other room. Not every stripper is the same. They aren’t robots with “professional” blinders on.
Post # 15
@bunnyharriet: There’s definitely just one stripper coming, because having two would cost twice as much – something out of budget. I have also read about some raunchy things happening at these things and I think one stripper could be just as bad.
I also agree that it depends on the person who comes. I’m sure there’s many women who stay professional, but I think there’s also a fair share who would go above and beyond expectations.
I will be having a convo with SO tonight to express my concerns. I just don’t know what I can say at this point other than I don’t approve.