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I was interested in having a conversation about strippers and bachelor parties outside of the context of someone who is upset about it looking for advice.
My fiance isn't having a traditional bachelor party, but I do still get kind of fired up about the issue on my friends' behalf. Several girls I know are horrified by their fiance's bachelor party plans.
I am definitely one of those that is NOT ok with strip clubs for bachelor parties. I really don't have a problem with strippers in general, but I would not be marrying my fiance if he frequented them during the time we were dating. This does not, however, stem from any kind of trust issues. Here is my reasoning, in a few points:
1. I would not be ok with it if one of my friends or one of his colleagues waved their breasts in his face. I would certainly not be ok with it if he paid a prostitute to wave her breasts in his face, whether intercourse followed or not.
2. I hate the idea of "the last hurrah." If he wanted a last hurrah to singlehood he should have taken it x number of years ago before we started dating. He hasn't been a "free man" since the day he agreed to date me exclusively. I also feel like the "last hurrah" is pretty humiliating to me, the fiancee, because it's like he's saying "my fiancee is this one woman, which is clearly not sufficient, i need to say goodbye to the boundless goodies out there." I'm sorry- when he proposed, he SHOULD mean, "you are the best woman out there and I could never desire another." The strip club bachelor party nullifies that whole idea.
3. It is humiliating and degrading to the woman he's marrying. Why go to a strip club to look at the body of a complete stranger when you have a perfectly good set of boobies right here at home, that you get to touch!? I don't expect him to never look at another woman and find her attractive. I do expect him to be discreet about it and not rub it in my face.
I realize I've expressed some strong opinions here, and that's because I'm interested in hearing the strong opinions of others on the boards. Let's hear it! What's your take?
I completely agree with you on the "last hurrah" -- the commitment starts way before the wedding ceremony.
I'm okay with the guys getting together to celebrate the groom, and the girls doing our thing too, separately or together, just as a traditional extension of the wedding activities, but I don't see a need for it to include anything you're supposedly giving up after you marry.
Excellent points & well put.
What a well-written post. I personally don't care if my fiance goes to a strip club for the BP, but that's my own personal thang because well...I guess I can't really explain my feeling on this as well as you have for your view point, but it just doesn't bother me.
I've read posts on here before where women sound irrationally upset about this topic, but I think you've done an excellent job in explaining sound viewpoints. I think this post will be helpful for the women who feel the way that you do and have not found a way to sound rational about it.
Kudos!
I think a man whose friends take him out for his bachelor party is entirely different from a guy who frequents strip clubs. The latter is skeazy and you're right, you wouldn't be marrying that guy. However, for a guy whose friends want to take him out, I just don't think it's worth getting upset over. I mean, yes it's gross, and I even think that it's pointless (the guy gets all, how do I say it, excited and there isn't much he can do while in the club). However, I would not tell my fiance and his friends that they couldn't go to a strip club b/c of the way I felt. Case in point, my friends took my fiance to Vegas and of course they went to a club. Would I tell his friends, who spent the money to fly all the way out there, stay in a nice hotel, and take him out (to other places as well) that they couldn't go? Heck no! That would just make everyone upset and uncomfortable, and quite frankly they'd probably do it anyway and then there would be guilt and trust issues. Who wants that? I think it has nothing to do with having a perfectly good set of boobies back home, or the last hurrah...it's all about male bonding, as neanderthalic that may be. I say just let him have fun and have him take a long hot shower afterward.
I have to agree with LrnGemini on the point that someone who frequents a strip club is completely different than his friends taking him out to a strip club for the bachelor party.
The FI is the youngest and the last to get married; the famous bachelor party between the "men" in the family has turned into a tradition of sorts. They go across the border to Hard Rock, the father pays for a ridiculous amount of steak & booze. Then they go to the strip clubs where the brothers pay some woman who is WAY too old to still be at a strip to give the groom a lap dance. Personally I find it funny and yes 1 or 2 of the brothers have gotten a little overboard due to booze.
I think it all boils down to trust honestly. I trust the FI, I know he will hate every second of the strip club portion but would love being out with his brothers, dad and good friends. He would much rather do something crazy for his bachelor party like skydiving (which he's already done and most certainly not doing right before we get married!! Ack!). But you know what as pointless as we think the strip club thing is it's become a tradition and it all just boils down to them going out and having fun. Could they have just as much fun elsewhere, certainly.
I'm not really sure I made my point. But what I'm trying to say is trust is the key. I know no matter how drunk the FI gets he's not going to stick his hand out and try to grab some girls boobys. I know when the brothers pay some old chick to give him a lap dance he'll probably just stick his hand out to shake her hand afterwards and say thanks. The last bachelor party he ended up sitting there with another stripper having a discussion with her about how she's trying to pay her way through college, etc. Anyway, I trust my FI, he comes back from each bachelor party taking a HOT shower to get the germies off then gives me a kiss goodnight as he climbs into bed.
Yes, I agree that often a batchelor party has little to do with groom-to-be choice. There are usually several other guys involved who are gungho for naughtiness and see the strip club as a rite of passage before marriage. Often the groom gets into trouble when he's simply along for the ride.
I'd like to pose this question: If you gals were taken on your batchelorette party and a male stripper shows up, are you going to stop the party, kick the stripper out, and insult your friends who have spent money, time, and effort to arrange the evening?
I don't think these people are setting the brides and grooms up for failure...I think it's all in good fun.
ahahhahaha. Jennybride! SUCH a good point. I will bet my bottom dollar that if any groom tried to tell their bride they cannot have a male stripper at her bachelorette party she will most likely tell him to stuff it. And get all 21st century power woman. Whether they wanted one or not. But I bet anyone would not like the fact of their SO telling them they cannot do something.
P.S. Kiddingly, my MOH & I told the FI we were going to have male strippers at my bachelorette party. He found it hilarious. 
I couldn't have made this post any better than the OP did. I feel the exact same way and have gone to making myself sick over the topic as FIs friends don't care for me at all and I know they'll pull some BS like this just to hurt my feelings. I have issues with it for some more personal, emotional reasons and FI knows these. However he won't tell them or her to stop if they do it at his bachelor party so I guess I just have to feel like poo and deal with it.
I agree that strippers are wrong. Of course I think they are always wrong, male or female. Investing money in strippers is not only degrading to the bride, it's degrading to all women. It objectifies them. So true feminism would be to make that point, not to say that if he's going to get a stripper, so am I. Or I am an empowered woman, therefore if he tells me in his honest heart that he doesn't like the idea, I'm going to tell him to stuff it. I think it could cause some communication problems if I didn't listen to him openly, and instead got defensive and went out doing just the opposite. How do you want him to treat you when you want to honestly tell him your opinions on something, even if it's not about strippers? What if you really like the name Dylan for your first born son , and he says you're not the boss of me?
I don't think not liking strippers has to do with trust issues either. It might be the reason for some people, but not all. Watching naked people for sexual pleasure is sinful. (for men or women.) You can think I'm a wet blanket, that's fine. But try not to make general (armchair psychologist) statements about why some people have problems with this. Also, sometimes the "trust issues" might be with the groomsmen not the groom. The groom might not want strippers but the other guys do, or want to embarrass him, etc. I'm sorry going around saying "I don't care about the bach party, because I trust my guy", sounds judgemental, and a little like you're trying to say you have a better relationship than people who don't like strippers.
And yes, if my friends went against my wishes and got a male stripper at my bachelorette party, I would leave the room, until he was gone. No joke. If they deliberately did the opposite of what I want, they deserve that awkward moment. But we're not talking the wrong drink, a different color or whatever. For me it's a moral issue. You shouldn't mess around with people's wishes there.
Wet blanket wasn't the phrase that came to mind. I totally agree that people need to be careful about making generalizations, however crowning acts with the SIN stamp is doing just that. I love this open forum that we have started here, and I hope it continues for everyone to feel comfortable to post their view point.
Sorry Jenny, saying people have trust issues if they don't like strippers is judging them. Saying watching strippers is a sin, isn't judging people. It's judging an act. At no time do I think that watching naked people dance, could be OK. However, clearly, someone can not like strippers for reasons other than lack of trust.
If you think I am judging the act of stripping or watching strippers, you are right. I am not judging the people. Judging people is what's bad, not actions. After all we are supposed to place judgement on actions, right? That's how we know it's wrong to steal, murder, cheat etc.
I agree that not all those who protest going to a strip club are grappeling with trust issues. Some are, but not all.
And I'm going to go ahead and say that it's incorrect so say that sin stamping isn't judging. And yes, judging acts not people is the correct wording. Could you identify what you are judging (people or acts) in the following excerpt from your first post: "I agree that strippers are wrong. Of course I think they are always wrong, male or female." Just wondering.
The wording in your any post that cues the readers that it's an opinion is "I think".
I find the phrase "strippers are wrong" quite interesting. It fascinates me that people can look upon this profession in the way that they do. The idea of everything being a matter of perspective didn't dawn on me until recently, when I watched a television show where prostitutes are revered members of society (Firefly, the movie 'Serenity' was based on). It reminds me of the way that I was once horrified of the 'C-word' until I moved to England and discovered that while it is still a bad word, it is not even close to as horrid as it is in the US. I think that it's all a matter of what you are exposed to. I am of the camp that actually encouraged my husband to go to the strip club with his friends on his bachelor party. I knew that nothing was going to happen that I would object to. I have actually been to a strip club with previous boyfriends, watched them get a lap dance, and thought nothing of it. It was actually funny to see how uncomfortrable they got.
This is not to in any way imply that those who think differently than I do are wrong in any way, shape, or form. We just think differently, that's all, and I appreciate that. If anything, it's great because it gives me something to think about on a lazy Saturday morning! 
My husband would be REALLY uncomfortable in a strip club. He was one of the last of his circle of friends to get married and NONE of their bachelor parties involved strip clubs.
If he had a friend whose bachelor party was a strip club, I'm not sure he would even be willing to go. If he did, I would be alright with it. I'd probably even be alright with him getting a lap dance because of how awkward and uncomfortable it would be- he'd be so embarassed it would be comical.
However, if he were the type to really 'get a thrill' from strip clubs I would not be OK with him going. For 2 reasons.
1. I certainly would not be OK with our hard earned money doing into the g string of a stripper! Those things can be expensive and I would resent him spending our money on it.
2. I would feel like it was a step in the direction of infidelity. If he's comfortable paying a woman for any kind of sexual behavior I would worry he would eventually go to far and pay for sex, or get used to the idea of getting sex from other sources.
I know #2 isn't necessarily true or accurate, but it's how I would feel in that position.
I can understand why women get upset over this. I'm thankful it's not something I've had to deal with personally.
I can totally see your point, rosy.
I think it's important to notice that in the case of the batchelor party, it's usually decisions made outside of the batchelor's realm that result in the strip club. I think that if my FI was going to a strip club just for something to do with the guys on an evening out, I would have a MUCH different opinion on this matter.
Sorry Jenny, I'll clarify. What I meant is the act of stripping or watching strippers is wrong. I didn't mean that strippers themselves are bad people. So as I mentioned before, I am judging the act, not the people. I don't actually believe the girls doing the stripping or the people watching them are necessarily "bad people".
The wording in your any post that cues the readers that it's an opinion is "I think". I'm not sure what you meant by this, but yes, my posts were my opinion.
This is a very interesting topic, as my fiance is away at his bachelor party this weekend. I am not a fan of strip clubs, but I am a liberal person and appreciate that others do not mind them. And I completely agree that "the last night out" is a bunch of crap. That being said:
1. Strip clubs are one thing, but a "bachelor party" at a strip club is an entirely different thing. One of my guy friends was pulled up on the stage, tied to a chair, then a stripper proceeded to give him a lap dance and scratch his back, leaving hideous marks on his back. The marks on his back took awhile to heal too. His fiance did not talk to him for about a week. I think this type of stuff is incredibly disrespectful, not to mention health considerations. If this happened to my guy, we would have some issues. Yuck!
Also, strippers at a strip club are one thing (as well), but stippers in a private hotel room, taking the bachelor's shirt off, etc. is a completely different issue. Have you heard of the things that happen during some of these encounters??? YUCK.
2. The bachelor party is more for the other guys on the trip. The whole stripper mindframe for a bachelor party is more for the other guys on the trip. I got into a discussion with one of the groomsman about this, as he thought I was being a "debbie downer" about the entire situation. I confronted him and asked him if he ever asked my fiance what he wanted, and nope, he had not. Thus, if it was what my fiance truly wanted, then fine (he would not be my type too). But he would only go along with it to not make his friends mad. My fiance was bummed because he just wanted to play golf and tennis, while his friends vetoed playing tennis because they may be "too hung over" from the previous night's activities.
My fiance was stressed this week - a balance making his friends happy while keeping me happy. I really tried not to put pressure on him, as he knows my feelings anyway. I just want his friends to respect my fiance's wishes and mind as well, since there are many mutual friends.
Definitely an interesting topic.
I completely agree that this is an interesting AND stressful topic. While my fiance and I both agreed on no strippers for either of us (I don't want all that in my face and he's indifferent so he'd rather just agree with me) its become a bit of an issue with his friends. We're one of the first ones in our group getting married and since we got engaged the boys have been revved up for the big Vegas bachelor party. Even though we've warned them several times, no strippers, they keep trying to find ways around it and I'm afraid in the end no matter what we say they're going to end up at a strip club. If that does happen, I can't just ask my fiance to walk away when all his friends are there and have spent all this money but I really find it hugely disrespectful towards me so that's sort of what I'm expecting him to do. In the end, my biggest issue is that it is supposed to be a night for HIM and not THEM so I really hope they'd just respect our wishes and not put him in a bad situation which will cause tension between him and me.
Strip clubs are not okay.
I am a pretty liberal person but I will say that the objectification of women, or men, for the purpose of sex isn't something I am okay with. It can be hurtful and far beyond what person might think in the moment.
I think about it like this, while a woman in a strip club makes far greater money than she does making coffee or copies in some office, she isn't being used for her body or her "dancing" skills.
Men are taken advange of because they are willing to shell out cash in return for affection or some kind of ego boost.
But here's the rub.
That woman, the stripper, is someone's daughter. One day, that man will have a daughter, I highly doubt he'd like another man looking at his daughter the way he is looking at that woman. That woman is to be someone's mother. I bet he'd not like for a man, other than his father, to be looking at his mother, and that woman might someday be or already be someone's wife. And my guess, for most of society, there are always going to be exceptions, men do not want other men seeing their wives strip for other men or doing any number of the things that might go on in strip clubs.
Strips clubs are indeed degrading, not just to women, but to men and all of society.
OP- very well written post.
great responses.
I am just getting much more conservative in my old age. But I do believe the matra -thoughts become actions, actions become words, words become character and character becomes destiny.
Mizuno~ Thanks for adding your opinion to this discussion. This post has definitely sparked some interesting view points today!
Wow, thanks for so many great responses so far. It's really interesting to read the viewpoints of people who are ok with strip clubs.
For me, I definitely trust my FI, but it all boils down to what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. If all his guy friends wanted to go to a strip club 8 months before the wedding, or 8 months after, outside of the context of a bachelor party, I would certainly expect him to decline. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to be the same person at his bachelor party that he is every other day.
Also, if my girlfriends brought me to a strip club or brought strippers to our hotel room, I would be incredibly angry. Because they are my friends and know me, it would be incredibly rude to ask me to disrespect my FI in that way. I expect that our groomsmen (who are my friends, too) would not ask my FI to disrespect me in that way.
Well, I use to have negative thoughts about strip clubs. But then I decided to visit one, I have to say it was quiet interesting. I think if people want to self-indulge themselves then so be it, it's their choice. I know my friends and I have been to a chippendale type show and I found it hilarious. To hear these women swoon and scream for this half-naked men was funny. When I went to a female strip club, it was quiet the opposite with the men just sitting there.
If my FI decides to go to a strip club, I'm fine with that. I would rather have him go then to have one come to a hotel room or house. I have to agree with the comment made above, the strippers (male or female) tend to be a little more open of what they will do. Many times than not, these outtings are more the friends than the groom himself.
Oh and also- I do not think it is acceptable that "male bonding"= objectification of women. Male bonding could consist of drinking beer and watching football, or playing video games, or just sitting around talking. I think it is incredibly offensive that men continue to objectify women in such a neanderthalic way-- and I would never marry a man who wanted to participate in such activities.
I am beyond sick of hearing from the women that agree with strip clubs that those who don't have "trust" issues. That couldn't be any further from the truth. How about respect. My FI and I have a very loving, relationship built on trust and communication. I am a very confident women and I feel it boils down to respect. I don't think that our fiances would like us grinding all up on guys with our boobs nestled in there faces, so why is it okay for them to get this from a stranger? How is it that strippers can do it, but not a random girl at the bar? Just because money is exchanging hands? Really, is stripping really a profession. Putting yourself through school while stripping? Please. Get a real job. This is the sleezy easy way to make money. I may sound harsh, but this is my opinion. if my FI wants a lap dance then I will give it to him. And I have. I also, need to touch on the fact that I think many are in the dark at what happens at bachelor parties. Both at clubs, and in a private hotel or what hot. Have you any idea the games that are being played. Excuse me if I get a little graphic. But this is what REALLY HAPPENS. Feed the kitty, anal ring toss, it's not just lap dances. My Bridesmaid dated a guy who was allowed to go to these bach parties as long as he gave the details. It's sick what goes on. Think lollipops, beer bottles, and your guy. They also have lesbian shows now. Do you any idea how close this show goes on near the bachelors right in their face. LITERALLY! can we say STD's. Just wanted to chime in on this one. I obviously, feel quite strongly about it, and I am ANYTHING BUT insecure.
That's definitely gross. But I don't think all trips to a strip club fall into that extreme kind of party.
The statement which resonates with me the most is where Rosy said she didnt' want her FI putting THEIR hard earned monies into a G string of a stripper. Here here!
That's how I feel too. It's not something you both agree on right? Then don't do it. I love the books by Dr. Willard and Steve Harley and one of the best advice to couples is "policy of joint agreement" which keeps couples from creating lovebusters left and right. If you don't both enthusiastically agree about something, then maybe it's not the best FOR YOU BOTH as a couple.
I always hear about how bachelor parties and strippers are not really for the grooms but for the friends and some grooms don't even want to go but they go along with it just because they feel bad walking away from something their friends put so much money and time into putting together. How ridiculous is that?! Why should the groom have to do this FOR HIS FRIENDS? Isn't the bachelor party for him? Why can't they pick an activity that the groom would actually enjoy?
I'm going to chime in here with my opinion. (PS, when I reference "strip clubs" I'm referring to US strip clubs. I know of international ones that are very different...)
I don't like strip clubs. I know my fiancee will be going to one for his bachelor party. (I know how his friends are. I even know what strip club and which location.) However, I'm not very bothered by his attendance at the strip club, nor am I against strip clubs in general.
1. Strip clubs have a fairly strict "no touching" policy. Are there skeezy strip clubs? Sure. Ask your fiancee not to go to a skeezy one, which is a very reasonable request.
2. I think women fought hard to get to a point where they can have sexual freedom and expression. If people are willing to pay others to see them naked and dance and the strippers are willing to accept money for these actions, then how is it any worse than a porn movie? Sure it's up close and live, but sadly for the patrons, porn movies are generally more pleasurable than strip clubs.
3. Objectification of women occurs with or without strip clubs. It has less to do with strip clubs than society in general. In fact, women are also responsible for the objectification of women. Example: Halloween. aka the female's chance to put on as few clothes as possible without being called a slut? It's not males that are forcing or even paying women to do this. Women are choosing to wear these outfits and in doing so, are making it popular to do so. Another example: regular clothing that shows to much and covers too little in PUBLIC. I firmly believe that women have the right to wear whatever they want, but I actually find this trend much more damaging than strip clubs because it is SO widespread and NOT limited to a specific location.
4. I hear Rosy and I'm not a huge fan of having my fiancee put our hard earned money into someone else's g-string, BUT I spend our hard earned money in ways that my fiancee doesn't particularly agree with. I might buy another pair of black pumps or paying a parking ticket instead of sticking money into a stripper, but nonetheless, he doesn't believe it to be a good use of our money either. Are they different scenarios? Sure. But it boils down to the fact that the one person is spending money in a way that the other does not want him/her to spend.
5. I think that there is a very strong distinction between a girl from a bar stripping for a guy and a stripper doing it. Money exchanging hands does make the scenario different. For strippers, this is their chosen profession. I do know of people working their way through college by stripping and they are debt free (and working in corporate america now). I chose debt (and I worked 4 jobs in college) and I will be in debt for probably the next 2 decades (and I'm not in a low paying industry). I understand why someone wouldn't want to have that, and I applaud their confidence for taking action for their future. I wasn't comfortable with the idea (and my parents would have killed me and I didn't want to risk them finding out). Some might think this is equivalent to "selling their soul for money" but I think what they are doing is much more less worse than someone who says they sold their soul to a huge business/law firm and have moral objections to their projects at work. One of my old jobs involved helping companies develop poor neighborhoods where they basically kicked out the poor and built expensive properties. That job actually hurt people and made a bunch of people homeless. I have no problem with strippers working and the actual work they do.
At the end of the day, I think there are a lot of valid reasons why some are against strip clubs, but I personally think that there are much worse things than strip clubs. It really boils down to a person's own opinions and his/her relationship and beliefs with their fiancee. As long as they are laid out in advance and some sort of agreement reached, it won't hurt either party.
My fiance and I are considering doing a Jack and Jill bachelorette party in Vegas. I think it will be fun and we won't have to be apart imagining the worst happening. Either way, I think if the trust is there then these parties are pretty harmless.
I honestly just don't see the point of Bachelor/ette parties in general. I mean even the term doesnt make any sense. . because in all reality most grooms and brides have been dating/engaged for at least 6 months and therefore not a bachelor/ette at all (sorry, i know thats kind of irrelevant but jsut had to throw that out there)
As for strippers/strip clubs, I honestly don't care if he goes, it's his choice, not mine and i do trust him. But i do think that strippers are in a sad place in life. . because they cannot do that forever and when they stop. . that occupation will forever be in their past and could very well haunt them for the rest of their lives. Personally i don't want a bachelorette party. . like i said above i don't see the point. . .i dont need a last hurrah. . since i never was the "hurrah" type anyway. As for my FI, i dont think he'll have one because, like me, he also doesnt see the point and also was never the "hurrah" type
@MissCremeBrulee~ I love every word that you wrote. Very good points, and something interesting to ponder over my Sunday morning cup of coffee...
I know my FI and his friends, and they would hire a stripper only out a joke to watch my FI be uncomfortable and laugh at him. And I do believe there is a difference in a stripper and a strip club. And what KIND of stripper. Some really are only dancers. Making some money, whatever. Doing what they gotta do, I'm ok with it. Some are kinda gross. My FI has no interest in going to one before our wedding (even though I told him if he wants to go, thumbs up on my part, I don't care!), but that's not to say he hasn't accidentally ended up the audience of a burlesque show with his buddies. Do I care? Nah. I know I can dress up and look 10x better than those girls anyways (and i am by far the most secure person i've ever met when it comes to the man they're with, so maybe that is a factor for me in particular), and he has no interest in them at all. I just simply do not care, have fun, fine, but 4 weeks later, you're mine! muah ha ha. I'm simply not worried at all. I don't necessarily it's disrespectful, either, depending on the situation. If he sits, drinks with his buddies, and has a good time, fine. He isn't going to be all "oh yah take it off" to them anyways. But if he is forced to, er, participate (ie get on stage), I would not be a fan. I also know he'd adamantly refuse, and he doesn't drink so much he can't say no anyways. But, knowing my FI, I know he would feel super skeezy doing it anyways.
All I know, is that when we were in Vegas for a bachelorette party, we considered taking her to the Australian Guys Down Under show just to watch her freak about the buffed up men in G-strings. Which i'm sure is different than a strip club. Sometimes, it really is all in good fun. It wasn't cuz we were being creepers or wanted to watch the men gyrate around, we just thought it would be hilarious to freak her out. And I certainly do not think my FI would have been ticked at all, either. I don't think all guys go to the strip club, even for a bachelor party, with the intention of getting their hands on something. That being said, there are classy strip clubs (i know, right? it really depends on where you live) and there are skeezy ones. Sometimes night clubs have people dancing around half naked, too! It's those women's jobs to dance up on their poles, too.
I completely agree with your points about how it's insulting to the future Mrs.
My FI doesn't really want the strip club experience because he understands your point #3 - why watch a sexy half naked stranger when he can have the real thing at home with the woman he loves.
I've also noticed that younger (early 20s) grooms/single guys attending are more about stripper parties. My FI is 29 & he's not too excited about drinking too much & wasting money on such follies. He's really into snowboarding, so I suggested that they take a guys trip to Tahoe instead. He liked the idea.
P.S. Little known fact: This tradition started because women were supposed to be virgins on their wedding night. It was thought that a husband's lusts were too much for a virgin wife - so the man would go to a whore house the night before, so he would be 'more gentle' with his wife. We can certainly say that in contemporary times, most brides are not virgins.
Poli2b, that's funny. Never heard that before. Who knew this whole time they were trying to be considerate to us??
Thank you Miss Creme Brulee. I like what you wrote. I can't say it better, so I really don't have anything to add. It's just so not a big deal to me. I really couldn't care less if my husband went to a strip club. He also doesn't wear a wedding ring. I'm all messed up! ;)
i hear all the time, "it's a traditional guy thing."
but, this isn't a cutting of the cake thing. no way. my fiance doesn't want to go, nor does he want me lusting on other men when i've already made my choice in him as my sexual partner IN ANY FORM. we take sex and anything connected to sex as a very intimate and personal matter, not to be shared outside our own relationship. to us, giving into lusting for others and choosing to lust for another reduces our connection to nothing special. he chose me, end of story.
not to say he'll never be tempted or see a pretty girl,lol. but, choosing to watch women strip when i'm his sexual partner, steals from me and steals from him because: i will be less likely to trust him, feel confortable with my body (which will result in less sex for the both of us), take our sexual relationship as serious, and it would hurt my love for him because i'd feel degraded and not enough for him. it would hurt and make me angry...which isn't good for getting along ; )
i think it's also the choice of the couple and if one isn't comfortable with it, then that person's feelings should be taken seriously.
whether these girls are professionals or just random girls shouldn't ever make a point. other bodies are other bodies...these girls ARE real ppl. it wouldn't ever be an option for us. what if the man is so tempterd by it that it becomes a problem??? it's better left alone... to me. thats just MY opinion.
I've never had a problem with my husband going to strip clubs for his own bachelor party, and for his friends' bachelor parties. I guess I always feel more threatened by plain old clubs with women out looking for a date and a good time, whereas the environment in a strip club is more controlled... sure the women are naked, but they are there to earn money, not to hit on their customers (yes, it happens... strippers find love at their work, I'm sure, but I bet it's not as often as regular old people find regular old love meeting in a bar). I guess what I'm saying is that I'm hugely more threatened by a cute, girl next door type 26 year old girl with a great career and a sparkling personality looking to find the love of her life than I am by some stinky naked stripper.
I am very comfortable with talking about strip clubs with Mr. Peng, and I think it just ends up being more of a joke for him and his friends. Whenever they go to vegas for a bachelor party, they go to strip clubs, typically at the end of the night, and typically when they are on the brink of not even being able to see straight because they've been drinking all day long. I guess I totally have faith in the fact that Mr. Peng would never respect a stripper as a real person, so I really don't care that they're naked and flaunting their bodies in front of him. They're merely objects. And while that may be a kind of offensive statement about a stripper... I mean really... isn't that their job? It sounds like they're ok with the fact that their jobs are to showcase their bodies as an object. That's perfectly fine with me. I don't mind that women choose stripping as a profession... it's just a way to pay the bills. It's not any more degrading to women than superstar actresses who starve themselves on the brink of death, and perpetuate the ideal that women have to be 90 pounds to be found attractive. I guess it's all the same to me... that's entertainment!
Anyway, I think it's a matter of the mentality of the group of guys that goes to the strip club. I think if I realized that my husband really got a huge rise out of going to a strip club, and regularly wanted to or tried to visit them, then I think I'd be more offended. I'm not saying that I don't assume he doesn't enjoy seeing naked women, and that it's some form of torture for him to be there... I'm positive that's not the case, and I'm sure that he has a fun time while he's there (he freakin better have fun, that stuff is expensive!). He would just never really go to a strip club if it wasnt a huge organized bachelor party event... so I guess I just don't think it's a big deal.
Besides, I have way more to offer than some random stripper in vegas, and we both know it :)
well, my fiance/ soon to be husband won't be one of those that help them pay their bills,lol.
other girls might not feel hurt or degraded, but i would and many do. so that is just an opinion. so, one can't say it's not degrading, because you will find many who feel that it is degrading.
degrading:
to reduce (someone) to a lower rank, degree, etc.; deprive of rank, status, or title, esp. as a punishment: degraded from director to assistant director.
weaken or worsen; deteriorate.
to me, turning on my fiance/husband is in a lot of ways taking MY place. so theres me being degraded because i'm supposed to be "that" one. my "rank" has been taken away even if it is just one night or in many cases many times for many other men in this world.as his fiance, i carry that title and all that title entails=) or else i'm being degraded.
i definitely don't think that men respect strippers but that doesn't matter to me. i don't care if he respects her or not. he doesn'r respect me if he allows another woman to to strip for him.
why have marriage or relationship at all if i don't care who he gets turned on by. i'm marrying my fiance for many reasons but because of love, i couldn't ever allow him to break our sexual circle. "forsaking all others" & "commitment" mean more to me than just words. but, also... i'm lead by christ and live by the word, which tells me that, lusting on another woman is adultery. adultery can be commited in the mind the bible says. i know he won't be perfect but to walking into a strip club is giving into temptation.
so even if i didn't mind, i'd still not allow it because of my commitment to what christ says a relationship should be
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