- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I'm so glad this thread has been started because I was beginning to feel like I was insecure and the 'lame' girlfriend who doesn't give her fiance the OK to have a stripper at his bachelor party. Not that he wants one anyway. I asked him what he wanted to do and he was like 'Maybe play some golf or something'. I have concerns about the organizers of the party though doing what they think is typical, hiring a stripper.
I don't have a problem with strippers, to each there own. My FI has been to bachelor parties in the past where there were strippers and thats fine, because it wasn't about my FI. I did think about the bride-to-be and wondered how she felt about it all but it wasn't my business or my problem. I do have a problem with the strippers being there for my FI. We are in our late 20's. We're grown-ups and we respect each other. We decided to get married because we don't want anyone else. We're not traditional about other things so why should the traditional bachelor party be something we should just do for traditions sake.
Another reason that I would be uncomfortable is that this is going to be a group including my FI, his friends that I hang out with, his brothers, my brothers and our fathers - I could NEVER look them in the eye again knowing they saw some naked girl gyrating all over my FI. I would be humiliated. My FI would be incredibly uncomfortable getting a lap dance and looking up and seeing my father. Plus I'm pretty sure my Dad and brothers would be FURIOUS. Not really how I want my marriage to start off, with my FI and my family humiliated and disgusted.
priscilla_of_boston_front.jpg (17.6 KB, 33 downloads) 1 year old 
Just out of curiousity, for those believe that their fiancee going to strip clubs insults/degrades/disrespects them, how do you feel if your fiancee watches porn without you?
I am truly curious and not trying to be judgmental. I actually think watching porn (alone) is much more disrespectful than a strip club because I assume that he is replacing the male lead with himself in his mind. (I never think he replaces both the guy and the girl because, well, wouldn't he want to perform those actions instead of watch?) I only ask because it seems that porn is fairly widespread among the entire adult population, and most guys I know readily admit to liking and watching porn, whether or not they have a significant other.
Not that I'm THAT bothered by porn, but in the grand scheme of ranking what bothers me more, porn trumps strip club.
A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE: I am just thinking that the root cause of a majority of strippers who do this job has to do with poverty and/or previous sexual abuse. They are in a bad position emotionally to begin with and make a choice to get immediate food on the table. Many fall into drug addiction or medicate themselves with heavy alcohol intake, hurting their bodies, their futures and those who care in the long run. They need healing and not another dollar offered up by men looking to have 'fun' at these women's expense. I am looking to heal and protect these women rather than do anything that would support or perpetuate this way 'out'.
Interesting question Miss CremeBrulee. My fiance doesn't watch porn either. But if he did, I think it would bother me less than him having a stripper at his bachelor party. Probably because if he is watching porn, he is alone. But the stripper at the bachelor party would be in front of a group. Also,the girl in the porn can't reach out and touch him, can't climb into his lap, can't wax his nipples (yes- this happened at a bachelor party my FI went to). It's less personal I guess.
@MissCremeBrulee-- I am way less bothered by porn than strip clubs, which is definitely because of the distance thing. I know my fiance watches porn, but he's also showed me things he watches and frankly it doesn't bother me much. It isn't like the women are right there in the room, and no one is touching my FI except himself (and maybe me, later).
I think that this topic is such a deep one to explore because it goes beyond what our personal choices are. If it were just a matter for an engaged couple to decide with no observation from others, I think it would be a little more clear for us to make.
It's kind of a double edged sword that we ladies face in this matter. If a woman says yes to strippers for her FI's BP, then she is often viewed as someone who can be walked on or maybe even as someone who doesn't respect herself or as someone who doesn't care.
If a woman says no to strippers for her FI's BP, she is often seen as a tyrant with anger issues or as a religious prude.
I don't care who you are, no one likes to be judged. Some wear their hearts out on their sleaves more than others, but the decision for strippers or no strippers has to be made carefully with careful conversations because the backlash from others around you (intentional or not) can resonnate with even those of us with the strongest back bones.
I feel that it's unfortunate that this decision reflects almost soley on the woman when obviously, it's a couple making the choices and both parties (pun intended) have responsibility.
I think 808bride makes a good point. It's sad to think that a lot of the strippers are in a bad way of some kind. And by patronizing these establishments, people are supporting and maintining this way of living for these girls. (I'm guessing it doens't make them feel very good to be stripping for a living.)
As for the porn watching, that would also bother me. I think going to strip clubs would bother me more, because there would be an actual person in front of my guy. But even porn can be an addiction. Unfortunately, what can happen is that if a someone watches porn, they start to think more about those hardcore images than their partner, even while "doing it". Their partner becomes not enough for them. They can view sex as an "act", not a form of love. And so on.
I echo Aloweha when I say, "To each his own". Each of us must grapple with the issue independently and come up with a solution that allows us peace in our hearts. To wrestle with it and find a personally satisfactory answer while recognizing that other people might do the same and come up with a different answer is to grow personally.
I think the important aspect of this is that both partners in the couple agree on the course of action. The problems arise when they are not on the same page and disrespect each other's wishes... whatever those might be. Hopefully with good communication, each couple can come up with a mutually satisfactory decision.
I will also say that I am a really strong believer in not judging other people's actions and decisions. Whenever I get judgy, I am reminded of this verse,
"How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take that splinter out of your eye,' when all the while you yourself do not see the beam in your own eye? Vain pretender! take the beam out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother's eye."
We all make mistakes, have flaws and are imperfect. When I feel the urge to judge someone else's actions, I know that it is time to focus on my own issues :)
My fiance and I both nipped the stripper idea in the bud for our respective parties very early on. While we do trust each other, we both decided on our own that drooling over someone of the opposite sex was not how we wanted to celebrate our coming marriage. I know the girls will respect my wish there, but his guys might try to do the stip club anyway. I think going to a strip club is ok. Getting a hotel and having strippers come along is not. I have just heard too many horrifying stories about that. There is definitely not a no-touch policy!
I also agree with everyone who says the most important thing is respecting each other's feelings. If my fiance tells me he is uncomfortable with some aspect of possible bachelorette party activities, I will certainly not tell him to stuff it. We will talk about his concerns and if it will hurt him I won't do it. I hope he would do the same if I had a concern. Basically we both plan to get really drunk but not do anything we wouldn't normally do just because its a special occasion. I don't make out with strangers every night, and I won't be making out with strangers that night.
As far as porn, I don't personally appreciate it, but I realize people do and have told my fiance that if he has it just make sure I never ever come across it because it will gross me out.
I also say to each his (or her) own. It is hard to make sweeping statements when all couples view this topic differently.
There have been a lot of great points made here. I find myself tending to agree with Doctorgirl & Mrs. Penguin's sentiments, so I won't reinterate them. Just wanted to pipe in quickly 
Let's all respect each others viewpoints!
Very interesting posts here! The topic of "strip clubs and the bachelor parties" is a topic ALWAYS left up to personal opinions, which is always interesting to learn :)
I think its interesting that feminism takes a stand on both sides of the fence, some feminist will say that strip clubs are a way to objectify & degrade women. While the other side of feminism says that strip clubs & the women who strip are taking back control of their sexuality, to not become victims to male objectification and are choosing on their own accord and desire to become a stripper. Just as another bee mentioned the "C" word, again some feminist find the word crude, while others (like in the Vagina Monologues) have an entire monologue about how feminist are embracing the "C" word.
I've always resisted the urge to chime in on this topic because I personally, for a whole host of reasons, have no problem with my fiance going to strip club for his bachelor party. I agree with MissCremeBrulee and won't repeat whats already been well stated, but I had an interesting conversation this weekend that I found ironic and hysterical. I was talking to an acquaintance at a party this weekend and somehow the issue of bachelor parties and strippers came up. i told her I don't have a problem with it, never did, and she began to tell me all about how bad she thinks they are and how they degrade and objectify women. Now, she, and everyone else, is entitled to their opinion on it, but what I found funny was that the whole time she was talking about the "objectification" of women, her 9 year old daughter was standing nearby wearing a mini skirt with "Juicy" written across the rear end...hmmm.
bridal_mags.JPG (35.8 KB, 22 downloads) 1 year old bridal_books_2.JPG (38 KB, 22 downloads) 1 year old bridal_books.JPG (34.7 KB, 20 downloads) 1 year old
Ha! Yeah there definitely isn't some clear drawn line between harlots and angels anymore. Seriously, perfectly respectible looking women could be total adulteresses, and loose-lookin' women could be the most austere in nature. What a wonderful world. :)
I COMPLETELY agree with the No stripper thing. I actually told my FI that if there were strippers involved that I would not marry him. LOL He is completely fine with that and plans to spend his night at is BM's house around a fire drinking beer and maybe some frog gigging. Just the guys having one last night of fun as a "single" meaning not married guy, not as a guy who can do whatever he wants.... Great post!
Well done! You said everything I've tried to say before- but much better words and layout.
lanternvasebag.JPG (310.8 KB, 44 downloads) 1 year old 
I can't wait to have my own strippers at my B-Party! The only difference that has me stressed out is that my FI will be in Vegas for 3 nights of debauchery :(. I only get one night.
Seriously. I trust my man to be loyal to me. You have to personally define what that means to you and your relationship. I know that he has gone to some pretty ridiculous bachelor parties. I just don't think there is anything you can do about it and have decided not to worry my head about it. There is no way you can stop your man from having a lapdance or two on his bachelor party. I just don't believe it is possible unless they are miles and miles away from a strip club. I'm more worried about how much money he will lose at the blackjack table then at the strip club.
I have heard of guys LYING to their girls saying they are not going to a bachelor party with strippers, when I know darn well they are going to one with some extracurricular entertainment. I had a friend who truly believed her guy would never be in to that. I was like, are you kidding me? I knew for a fact that all of them were at a strip club all night during a bachelor party. I would hate to be the naive girl at home being lied too. And don't get me started on the story "they made me get a lapdance". " I couldn't stop my best man". Whatever, just stop lying please. I think that makes me more upset.
I refuse to get myself worked up over some Vegas stripper named Crystal looking for someone to take care of her kids! That is just laughable to me and not the reality that we live in everyday.
pomanders-on-lawn.jpg (96.3 KB, 109 downloads) 1 year old candy-table.jpg (76.4 KB, 102 downloads) 1 year old pictures-frames-small.jpg (84.4 KB, 88 downloads) 1 year old 36455_806941455949_25801044_44484214_3.jpg (77 KB, 91 downloads) 1 year old 
Some interesting opinions expressed so far -- I'm going to be pretty out there in mine, and I am going to talk in terms of right and wrong, so please don't feel that if what you believe comes out on my "wrong" side means that I am disrespecting you or attacking you, because I'm not. Chances are if I think you're wrong, you also think I'm wrong, and if we can't be okay with someone else thinking we're wrong, then we're not going to make it far in life, are we?
With that disclaimer out of the way...
I think that everything that turns the human body into an object, seperated from that person's unique personality, history, and worth, is wrong. I believe that this is wrong in all the ways it manifests itself in society today, from clothing for either men or women that is slutty or objectifying (such a grey area here, so I won't go into it) all the way to strippers or prostitution. I'm not idealistic enough to think that we'll ever get away from this in our society, because all humans, no matter how good they are, are to some extent selfish individuals, and we like to use people (in many ways, not just sexually) rather than respect them and see them as equal with us. Even though I don't think that this will ever fully change (in this world), I do think that just because this is the way it is doesn't mean that we should just sit on our hands and not do anything about it.
I especially believe this in the context of sexuality, because I believe that a sexual relationship should be solely between two people, and anything that brings in other "people" (fantasy or otherwise) detracts from the sacred nature of that bond between those two. This includes (oh boy am I going to offend somebody with this...) strippers, prostitution, pornography, infidelity (emotional or physical)... anything that brings in a third party.
And yes, I believe all this because I am a Christian -- I believe that human beings are created in the image of God and that is why we have such worth, and I also believe that sex was created by God not only for pleasure but also as a picture of His relationship with His people, which is one that doesn't bring in any third parties.
Like I said at the beginning of the post -- some of you might be okay with or even enjoy any number of things that I believe are wrong. I AM NOT JUDGING YOU. I don't even know who you are, really, so how could I be saying to myself "Oh my goodness, [WB username] is such a pervert and a bad person and obviously has a bad relationship with her FI."? These are simply my beliefs, which I do hold to be objective in nature, but I think they are just as much deserving of respect as your beliefs. Hopefully two disclaimers sandwiching my controversial ideas will help it to go down easier. :)
strip clubs just like porn are out of the question.
i am not being an uptight FI. It is not productive to a relationship. There are already way too many divorces and way too many partners cheating on each other. I believe these acts or saying these acts are okay lead to temptation which leads to "accidents".
Your husband lusting after a stripper or porn "actress" is wrong. It is adultery and I am not okay with that. I don't want children growing up in a house where porn can be found as it is degrading to both men and women. And this is simply not okay.
I am a very liberal person but I look at the problems of society and I think, "wow, we are raising our daughters to value themselves for sex and our sons to use them for it".
Two people can have a fabulous and naughty sex life without destroying other people. This includes strippers and porn stars and other couples. Even if people say it is their choice to participate in these acts, they learned that it was okay somewhere. But when you root down to it, we are animals that desire knowing that the offspring we protect belong to us. THis is a whole other conversation. But how would you feel if one time your husband slipped up or if you were pregnant and he decided that a 22 year stripper was way more exciting that your 3 month post baby body. I mean, after all you did give him the go ahead on his bachelor party?
I am just hoping this is something people will think a little more about.
Thoughs become words, and words become actions and action become character....
in a sense, practice makes perfect.
My opinion is that I trust my fiance, completely. He trusts me, as well, and we have had a discussion and both agreed that looking at and noting physical beauty is a normal human action. We have also agreed that we are both 100% fine with a "look but no touch" philosophy. With that in mind, we are both fine with the idea of strip clubs and the like. In fact, we often frequent them, together. It's entertainment. The entertainers are being paid for their work. It's just not a big deal to me.
@ December: Thank you so much for vocalizing this point of view. I struggle a lot to verbalize my feelings on this subject, but I feel very similarly to you. Thanks for not being afraid to go against the grain or simply bow to moral relativism. I respect you for that!
Funny story: My husband and his friends (all of whom are "good boys" that I trust) went to Vegas for his Bachelor Party in Vegas in February. When he got home, I didn't press him for details since that was "his time" and I didn't want to be a Nosy Nancy. To my surprise he told me (and this was verified by his friends) that he actually spent a lot of time TALKING to the strippers. He had a really great Best Man who filtered out any crazies from trying to entertain the groom and it seemed like they had fun without anything getting dirty or out of hand. They only saw strippers at a club and did not have any in-room entertainment...they were all too tired for that since they just stayed up for 48 hours straight!
Now I agree with Kylydia that it comes down to trust and knowing your man. My husband doesn't frequent strip clubs but it was his Bachelor Party and his boys planned a variety of activities for this event that included seeing strippers. His friends aren't shady and I trusted them to take care of my husband. Those girls at srtip clubs are WORKING. They aren't there to steal your man. They are not whores. Some of these irrational crazy posts I have read on Weddinbee about this subject are fueled on fear; fears which come from ignorance coupled with "general knowledge" gained from pop culture like from movies and/or word of mouth antedotal stories. This post was very-well thought out and I appreciate the POV from someone who is concerned about Bachelor Parties. But like any event that combines alcohol and boobies, there is potential for things to get out of control. Remember though that Strip Clubs are controlled environments. There is very little trouble a man can get into in a club before his butt is bounced outside. Strippers at private in-room events may be a different matter. So it comes down to trust. 99% of the time, BP's come and go without any major incidents. They are fun, your man moves on and he can look back at his BP with a smile when he is with his buddies. At the end of the day, he will still be the man who meets you at the end of the aisle on your beautiful wedding day and the BP will (or should be) the furthest thing from BOTH of your minds.
0611001849[1].jpg (246 KB, 40 downloads) 1 year old 0611001846[1].jpg (220.7 KB, 40 downloads) 1 year old
@ December:
What you said here:
"I especially believe this in the context of sexuality, because I believe that a sexual relationship should be solely between two people, and anything that brings in other "people" (fantasy or otherwise) detracts from the sacred nature of that bond between those two. This includes (oh boy am I going to offend somebody with this...) strippers, prostitution, pornography, infidelity (emotional or physical)... anything that brings in a third party."
I actually find this statement to be pretty much an exact statement of my feelings on the matter, (outside of the fact that I've previously said pornography doesn't bother me too much). Even outside of the context of Christianity, this concept applies to anyone who believes in monogamy. Extremely well put. I think it is an excellent point to make in response to people who say "I trust my FI and therefore he can do whatever he wants." I trust my FI to respect me and our monogamous relationship enough to keep other people out of it.
I hope no one has come out of the conversation here feeling judged. I began this thread because the bachelor party situation comes up frequently on the boards. I quickly realized there were lots of opinions out there, but it was hard to lay them all out there without coming across as rude or attacking. Thanks again for all the great responses we've heard. This has been a very enlightening thread for me, as far as learning what others' thoughts are on the matter. My opinion remains the same :)
Free_Flowers_Bridal_Shower.gif (42.4 KB, 73 downloads) 1 year old 
Wow...I go away for a long weekend with no computer access and THIS is what I come back to!! Holy crap. Ok, well so much has already been said but one of the girls on here PM'd me and asked why I hadn't chimed in (HI! You know who you are), so I guess I'll say something.
I really don't mind if my FI goes to a strip club, bachelor party or not. For his bach party he's going camping and I'm ALL about that, believe me. However, if he were to go to a strip club, I'd kind of roll my eyes and say "do what you want." I'm confident that he would be kind of uncomfortable with it anyway, and I know he'd think "Hmm, what is Emily going to think about this?" I know he'd tell me, and I know my reaction would be more like "that's stupid" than "how DARE YOU!"
One time he did go to a strip club and he was waayyy too drunk and almost got arrested, so that was a time when yes, I was extremely angry. Not really about the strip club part, but about the near-arrest/too drunk part.
As for porn, I know my FI watches it, but not as much now that we're living together. I know he watched it a lot when we were long distance, and it upset me a bit but I got over it. I actually like porn and want to watch it with my FI because I think it would enhance our sex life. And girls, if you don't think he's watching it, go check his internet history. You might be surprised
Not sure what all of this means or what type of person this makes me, but my feeling is that life is too short worrying about whether your fiance is going to a strip club for his bachelor party. I mean, even writing it just sounds petty in my opinion. I know some women have very serious concerns, and I respect that. We're all different with different opinions/relationships/past experiences, etc. But in the grand scheme of things, is this really worth the worrying? My opinion might not be popular, but I stick by it.
DSC02180.JPG (837.5 KB, 100 downloads) 1 year old 
I feel mostly how MightySapphire does. I don't need to add a lot. And she hit my feelings about porn right on the nose. Porn can definitely become a problem or escape from a relationship for some people, but I think two people who are open and clear about their use of it is fine. If a couple has a great and completely fulfilling sex life together and sometimes they just want some "me time" for their own sexuality, I certainly don't care. In oru relationship, we both need that.
When my FI and I talked about a bach party, he didn't really care or show any interest at all in strippers. I personally would just prefer if he didn't celebrate his bachelor status that way. The guy hasn't been a "bachelor" for YEARS! Haha. The only thing he felt bad about was if his best man put all sorts of work & money into a party and then turn it all down. What's he supposed to do? "No guys, I'm leaving." So we agreed he'd just talk to him beforehand and emphasize no strippers and I trust his friends, they'll honor it. I doubt his best man would have even bothered. The two previous bach parties that my FI has had in his circle of friends involved poker and watching a fight or something. I have a lot of guy friends and honestly, they don't even seem to be interested in doing the traditional strip club bach party.
style_059_004.JPG (47.3 KB, 19 downloads) 1 year old style_059_002.JPG (68.2 KB, 19 downloads) 1 year old 
I agree broadly with MightySapphire. I have been to a high end strip club, and to me its just not a big deal. Strippers in hotels or back rooms are all a big deal. A strip club itself, not so much. Before I met my husband, I thought I would be in the definitely no strippers for the bach party club. But I trust my now husband so completely and I know his morals, so it didn't even occur to me to worry about it. In the end there was no strip club at all, but if there was, I knew for sure that he wouldn't even come close to stepping over any line that I would be upset about.
And for all the ladies who think their guys don't look at porn, unless they have a strong religious objection, they probably do. And I don't really see it is a big deal, as long as it is not a big part of someone's life.
@EAQ219 I would definitely not say it is petty to worry about other women giving your man a lap dance, whether the woman is working or not. I think every response on this board is an example of precisely why it is NOT petty.
All I'm saying is that I would hope most of us have bigger fish to fry and that worrying about some chick grinding up on your guy is not one of them. I've been to a strip club and have been bought a lap dance before, and let me tell you, it was one of the lamest things ever. Maybe the girl was different because I was a girl, but I think I at least have a better sense of what goes on at strip clubs since I've been to one.
Again, it's just me and I don't mean to belittle any of the opinions on here. I apologize for saying the word "petty." I probably could have found a better one to use. Clearly this is a touchy subject and one that many feel very strongly about. And you know what, I can respect that because I've always said that if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. So in that sense, I'm glad so many women are strong enough to voice their beliefs knowing that they might get criticized. And I'm glad this discussion hasn't gotten out of control! Mr. or Mrs. Bee haven't had to intervene at all!
I don't think it matters what other people outside of your relationship think. What matters is that the two people within the relationship clearly communicate what they're comfortable with and not comfortable with. Hopefully this discussion can lead to a set of boundaries that the couple agrees upon. The discussion should be ongoing as the couple, their comfort zone, and their dynamics continue to evolve.
@EAQ219
"All I'm saying is that I would hope most of us have bigger fish to fry and that worrying about some chick grinding up on your guy is not one of them."
Frankly, I can't imagine a bigger fish :)
I mildly disapprove of strip clubs and am happy that it has never been an issue with my husband.
@amandopolis. The one thing I find strange about your posts here is that you don't have a big problem with porn. But if objectification is the problem, how is porn not a problem? Porn involves paying women (and men) for actual sex, not just nude dancing. And porn, if you look at recent studies, is becoming increasingly violent towards women -- much of the "hot" porn markets involve simulated rape-porn and other degrading activities. I find that while I mildly disapprove of strip clubs, I strongly disapprove of porn. I'm curious why you don't share that view?
wedding_038.JPG (1056.7 KB, 30 downloads) 1 year old
I couldn't agree with you more. I hate just about everything about the idea of a strip club. However, I feel like it has become too deeply embedded in our culture as a "rite of passage" or something that guys "should" do at bachelor parties.
I was going to seriously ask my fiance to not have a bachelor party or not go to a strip club, but my mom said that he should be able to have his big night with the guys. She said that it is just a guy thing and he would really feel like he missed out if he didn't have it. I guess she's right- but that doesn't make me anymore okay with it.
I guess I also have a problem with it because I don't want a bachelorette party- I think it's kind of a stupid thing to celebrate (for the reasons that you said). I would rather celebrate the start of my new life rather than lamenting the loss of my old one.
@chicagowife very good point. I guess I should clarify. I don't have a problem with strip clubs in general. I also have no problem with porn or prostitution in general. The exception being that I obviously cannot condone violence against women in any form, and I am absolutely NOT ok with rape simulation porn or any other kind of porn depicting violence against anyone (male or female). My problem is with my fiance going to strip clubs or visiting a prostitute.
The reason I am ok with my fiance viewing porn is because 1) no actual person is coming into contact with him and 2) I have seen what he is watching. If I found out that he was watching violent porn or that he was watching hours and hours of porn on a daily basis, I would feel differently. As it is now, he watches porn maybe once a month, usually just one video of two average people engaging in pretty vanilla sex, and it's usually because I've been out of town for a few days or I've been sick and we haven't had sex, and he just needs to get it out of his system. Since I know the porn isn't a big part of his life and it's not like he's satisfying his sexual urges with someone else, I don't really care. I do totally understand women who don't want their husbands watching porn though. I think, like strip clubs, it's an issue best left up to the couple to decide.
I recognize that a lot of the points I made about being ok with porn are the same as the reasons people are giving for being ok with strip clubs, but I stand by my original reasons stated for not being ok with strip clubs, which I think are unrelated. :)
Leaving deeply religious reasons aside, a lot of our views are shaped by the society that we live in. In the country I live in (outside the US), a politician who decides to go to a prostitute (considered a private matter if this has no impact on his abilities in his career) does not have to resign, and it wouldn't even make the news. I think people's reactions to such things are really indicative of the moral leanings of the country... When I lived in the US, there was nothing worse for a woman to think about than a strip club, and god forbid a prostitute who chose to be one, oh the horror - I think they are placed on par with murderers in the US.
Where I live now, even controlled prostitution is not considered "good" or "bad," but a part of life and "okay" as long as it is conducted openly (think regularly inspected houses and free health insurance etc for these "official" prostitutes, strict condom policy, security, limited hours, great pay, etc). One of our friends goes to prostitutes quite often, and while he's generally ridiculed for it in our circle (despite the openness, most people, after all, prefer the emotional attachment and comfort of getting to know someone and not just a "drive-through"), we aren't about to stop being friends with him. It's what our society has taught us, that's all.
I haven't talked about strip clubs much simply because it's a non-issue in this country and has become a non-issue to me since I moved here. My fiance doesn't go to them, but when his friends do, it's not a big deal. Also, normal people with jobs and gfs and responsibilities don't spend their time hanging out at strip clubs every weekend.
I think everyone can agree that our opinions are shaped at least in some way by what we see growing up. When you see sexuality as a non-issue and exchange of money for a business as a non-issue, you're more likely to think that way. The same goes if you grew up hearing that strippers are the devil. Your views never come exclusively from inside you, they come from society and of course from religion.
Too bad for Eliot Spitzer, governor of New York, in Nuremberg or Zurich or Antwerp he could have gone far...
@hunterstorme: I love your response. However, I think that if a politician engages in prostitues/extramarrital affairs it almost certainly affects his ability to govern. But, that's not really what this discussion is about. I think you made some really valid points and it goes to show that the way the US views certain things is so different than the way the rest of the world views things. I don't know if the US will ever get to the point where it can have legal prostitution or talk so openly about sex/sexual encounters/etc. Thanks for expressing the view of an "outsider" (which is not meant to be a derrogatory or judgemental term.)
i totally agree with OP.
i feel guilty though since i have seen male strippers, but i totally think that it's not the same thing. i'm not "turned on" when i see male strippers...it's freakin hilarious! men in thongs..dancing. i couldn't stop laughing. i couldn't care less if that was the last male stripper show i went to though. barf!
I feel the same way. I have no trust issues, I just think it is very disrespectful to the person you're marrying, regardless of whether it is for the bachelorette or bachelor party. I don't plan on having a male stripper at my bachelorette party, and I will make it known to my wedding party so they don't try to surprise me with one. I
j
The worst thing is that I know my boyfriend's friends are the type where they will want to have one and try to drag him out to a strip club whether he`ll want to or not. His friends are all single, so it makes it tough for us as a couple sometimes when they are always trying to find someone to hook up with for the night.
CS_Ball_Room_6.jpg (266.7 KB, 38 downloads) 1 year old CS_Ball_Room_3.JPG (233.3 KB, 20 downloads) 1 year old CS_Ball_Room_5.JPG (233.4 KB, 21 downloads) 1 year old
I agree mostly with Mrs. Peng--I would find it more disgusting to think about regular girls hitting on my man in a meat-market/nightclub environment. I recognize that going to the strip club as part of a bachelor party isn't a "guy thing" for ALL GUYS, but there is a certain strain of men for whom this time of simplistic gratification is entertaining and even some kind of manly bonding experience. Some men find it nasty, humiliating and not at all enjoyable. I have accepted that this is one topic on which the male mind can work in mysterious ways and I simply don't fully understand their thinking whether they're in one category or the other. But, I know how I feel about West Coast Groom and how he feels about me and it just isn't something either one of us feels strongly about. To each their own!
This topic has been closed to new replies.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 64 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| Mrs.KMM | 40 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 40 |
| beargoose | 38 |
| ndreighton | 38 |
| Gemstone | 31 |
| BetterSherm | 31 |
| stardustintheeyes | 29 |
| Beckster329 | 28 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MerryWidow | 5 |
| 2PeasinaPod | 3 |
| cardnasac | 3 |
| MrsMagnus | 3 |
 vorpalette |
3 |
| Sunfire | 3 |
| NotAnotherAnonBee | 3 |
| smyley | 2 |
| jo.lee | 2 |
| Sasha2011 | 2 |
