(Closed) strippers…ok or not ok?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

It would bother me. If he wants to see someone other than me without clothes on theres a problem (in my opinion). He says he doesn’t like strip clubs though so I guess I’m lucky… but it would also make things 50,000 times worse if he ever went to one.

Post # 4
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think they are ok…but it depends on your guy…clearly you know where he stands so I wouldnt worry about it!

Men basicly go to them to compare the girls….who does it better who can arouse them faster….which one has a better rack…that sorta stuff. Its basicly them going to a zoo but with naked women! LOL!

I had a friend that would get really upset if her bf would go to them or even watch porn….she felt that by him wanting to go to strip clubs and watch porn with all these girls that she could never look like that something was wrong with her and that she couldnt make him happy….she asked him one night and he told her that….those girls are not real…you can compare them to yourself because they are fake playing a role….that she was the real deal and that is why he was with her!

Every guys opinion of them is different….my guy doesnt like going to them…he thinks they are a waste of time and money….he much rather spend his money on stuff for us to do….I told his best man you can have strippers at the bp but I better not catch anyone sleeping with them…because they are all unavailble!

 

Post # 5
Member
11397 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Some women are okay with it & some are not. But its about what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable. You have to talk to him about how this makes/would make you feel, & go from there. Not liking him going to a strip club doesn’t mean you don’t trust him. It just means you don’t want him around dancing naked women. Which is very understandable if you don’t. My husband has never been to a strip club nor wants to. & We don’t believe in it, either. But that is BOTH our opinion. You have to talk to you FI about his opinion & come to an agreement on the subject.

Post # 6
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I know my man loves me and a trust him, so no, for me it wouldn’t be a problam.  But I am pretty liberal in that respect.  I’ve gone to strip clubs with friends before… kinda of a silly night out where people get drinks and talk, like at the bar/pub, more than oogle the ladies.  I don’t quite get it either, but I guess it beats another night of the same old thing and sounds more exciting than it really is.

If you trust him, your love, and that he is honest, I would let him and his boys do their boy thing.  You have his heart.  He knows that.

I would tell him how you feel but not put your foot down if you really trust him.  As another poster descriptively pointed out, it’s like they’re going to the zoo with their guys.  He’s not looking for something other than you, he’s just out for some time with the guys.  And it’s his party, I would try not to rain on it.  He should love you all the more when he returns for it.

 

Post # 7
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i think it’s up to you – everyone has a different opinion, and level of comfort. i personally am not okay with it AT ALL, and my FI knows that so if, knowing that, he went ahead then I would be very, very upset.  But other women feel ok about it and just figure it’s something that goes with the territory of bachelor parties. So really, the question is how do YOU feel about it?

as for why the guys go, I have no idea! i went to see a male stripper once with some friends, and it was just funny, not arousing or sexy at all.  i think men do get aroused when they go, when kind of puts a different spin on things because they’re PAYING to get sexually turned on WITHOUT you. So that’s why I HATE it!!!! (but that’s just me, lol!)

Post # 8
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s totally your opinion at the end of the day, but my fiance knows that my theory is that a strip club is no way to start a marriage.  If he needs to see naked women, he can look at my naked butt anytime he wants to.  🙂

Post # 9
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Im going to go ahead and put in my own two cents here, sense I know I am going to have a really unique insite in on it. Sense well, I am an exotic dancer at a topless club. 

A good 90% if not more of the time men got to these clubs becuase its an escape from the pressures and/or realities of life for a little while. They can become absorbed into the fantasy world where he is still wanted by women, attractive, successful, ect. When in reality he is 100lbs overweigh, balding, and he has been working at a job he hates for the last 10+ years. He doesnt have to worry about the kids, the home, you, or anything else for the few hours he is in the bar. They get a nice ego boost by having some very very attrative woman hanging on his arm and wanting to dance for him. Then they go home to you all riled up. Other men have fantasies they dont feel comfortable expressing to their significant other, even if they have been married for a long time and are perfectly happy with their marriage. They come to us to live these fantasies out. (this can range from being dominated, being a dom, to a foot fetish, to many other things.) And these bars give these men a safe enviroment to live out at least part of these fantasies or fetishes without cheeting on their wife. 

They way I have come to see it is a strip club to a man is kinda like a spa to a woman. You escape reality for a little while, relax, and in the end feel better about yourself. 

And to all you ladies who say your so has never been to one or has no interest. I am not saying it is impossible that that has never happened, but I meet many men everynight who openly admit that their wife doesnt know they are there, and would kill him if she were to find out. So loosen up about it. In the end he is coming home to you, probably really hot and bothered. Not to mention they do talk all about you, and sometimes show us pictues of you showing you off to us. Saying dont I have a hot wife? Oh and thats my little boy/girl, ect. 

And conidering a good 99% of dancers have a boyfriend, fi, or husband of thier own, I promise the only interst we have in your so is the money in his wallet. 

As for my FI, we met at work. He was the dj, me the dancer. And we make it work.

I hope maybe this give all of you some insite into the industry. In the end all we are is hard working women, who bust our but on a nightly basis to pay the bills. 

Post # 10
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

it wouldn’t bother me in the fact that he went to a strip club. Not a bit.

it would bother me because we definitely do not have money to waste it by stuffing it in a strippers g-string!!

Post # 11
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@solsticedark: Very interesting!! Thanks for contributing!!

As for the OP, I have no issues with them. FI and I have a rule: He is allowed to look at the menu, order, but not taste lol. I don’t care if he looks at porn or goes to a strip club or anything. I know that at the end of the night, he is coming home to me. I think that being ok with it is a personal decision, and that you should talk to your FI about your feelings.

Post # 12
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am not ok with strippers but neither is my DH. He actually made a comment about it yesterday that I agree with “why do people feel the need to start off their life of complete monogamy by looking at other people naked?” I also would not want my husband to come home and try and sleep with me being worked up by some other woman.  I don’t care if people want to go, I just personally have no desire to see anyone other than my husband naked and he feels the same way.

Post # 13
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

I think it is whatever you are comfortable with. If you aren’t, then he should respect that. Personally, I consider purposefully seeking out another naked woman as cheating. I know most people don’t think it is a big deal, but this is just my own opinion. When he committed to me, it was me only. So that means no strippers and no porn. Is it necessarily his view? No, but he respects how I feel and said he would feel the same way if it were reversed. But he would never have to feel that way because society mostly only views women this way. And as far as “living out his fantasies” with a stripper…just no. He knows he can share it all with me though. But my old roommate only dated strippers, like his last three girlfriends were all strippers. I still welcomed these girls into our home. To each their own.

Post # 14
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think they’re fine.  I wouldn’t be ok with him blowing money nor going to a bunch on several nights.  They’re all the same over here.  But it’s whatever your comfortable with.

Post # 15
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Nada.  And my reason being is that every exotic dancer that I know, and am aquaintances with, hit on and date their customers. And if it’s not the customers, it’s the DJ, followed by the bartenders.  Every one.  So those of you who console yourself with ‘the dancers are just there to make money” that is NOT my experience.

And the whole testosterone level (and alcohol) is so high in those things, I think a lot of men become poor little weak beings that just can’t say no.

Now, I am not saying there is sexual intercourse going on in the club, but I consider a vajayjay rubbed on a lap or titties in my mans face, or a nipple shoved in his mouth cheating.

So I’m in the ‘not if you expect to marry me afterwards’ camp.

ETA: I have nothing against dancers and when I lived in Vancouver, I used to go watch my gal pals dance all the time because out there the style is really “show girl’ and they have costumes and a well choreographed routine and are awesome!  So my opinion is without malice.

Post # 16
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@solsticedark:

I love your point of view.

But one point, I don’t want to be something my husband/FI/SO needs to escape from.  Just wanted to stick that in there!  And I don’t need some ‘very very’ attractive woman to ‘rowl’ up my husband.  I do that on my own, as I am sure many other Bees do.

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