Struggling after newborn, please help

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 2
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

“Well how could I love someone so sensitive? It makes me sick.”

If you don’t love her, there’s no saving the relationship. Clearly there are many negative things you have listed about her that you are fed up with and do not want to deal with. 

It doesn’t matter if you have a kid together or not. The moment you cease to love is the moment you go. 

Post # 3
3862 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

pragmaster :  It sounds like there’s a lot more going on with her than you understand.  I do suggest going to couples therapy, but honestly… it sounds like both of you ALSO need individual therapy to work through these things.  I recommend doing this ASAP for your daughter.  Because if it’s not you dealing with this, your daughter will.

Post # 4
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It doesn’t sound like this relationship is healthy at all. Sometimes it’s just best to cut your losses… whether you have a baby together or not.

Post # 5
478 posts
Helper bee

I have to be honest, you seem like an arrogant arse. 

She needs support after a baby and it doesn’t sound like she’s getting it from you anytime soon.

Post # 6
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

“My money is my money, I don’t share banks or anything, and if she doesn’t like it too bad.” 

Before i event got the anxiety and the messiness parts, this was a major red flag for me. You simply donʻt see things as a team effort. She is a roommate you share a baby with. I dont think youʻre necessarily a terrrible person or even a bad person, but in relation to her, you are not a team sharing and building a life. 

You both need to let go of this and move on. Honestly. Unless youʻre committed to heavy therapy both individually and together, itʻs time to cut bait.

Post # 7
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

She’s throwing his stuff around the house and smashing his things.

He’s being completely reasonable in questioning if the relationship should continue, he’s not being insensitive, she’s not the person he fell in love with and given the trauma of losing her brother, she’s unstable

She’s an unstable presence in his house and she’s an unstable presence in front of his baby daughter.

He’s not being insensitive, she needs some serious help and is refusing for whatever reason. That’s dangerous for the baby AND him.

OP, I would put my foot down. Tell her to get help or leave. That you care for her but cannot live in this environment, or worse, raise your daughter in it.

If she’s as unstable as she sounds, if she does leave instead of getting help, prepare for a custody battle.

Post # 8
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Dude- I didn’t see pretty much anything in your post about the baby and what you’re doing to help care for her.

It sounds like your GF is going through it and having a terrible time but there also sounds like a lot more here than what you posted.

Post # 9
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

….did I just read the last paragraph correctly? Since her brothers death, she is paranoid that something bad will happen to the baby but you “don’t really care either way”? Or she is afraid she will die and leave her daughter without a mother but you wouldn’t mind because “life is beautiful”? 

Post # 10
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

pragmaster :  So . . . you proposed but then reneged when she was grief-stricken after her brother died?  You sound like a gem.

Post # 11
1149 posts
Bumble bee

emsie :  I was also confused about this! Do they mean they dont care either way about the brother dying, or the gf dying, or losing the baby? Also the poster keeps saying about the gf being too emotional and sensitive. Surely its completely normal for the gf to be emotional after losing her brother and just giving birth. Imagine all those hormones! Im more concerned that the poster doesnt seem to care emotionally about anyone other than themself. 

Post # 12
2272 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

You will both be much better off without each other. There are too many core difference (like your money being your money, and if she doesn’t like it that’s too bad) for this relationship to be successful and it will be an unhappy and detrimental environment for your child. You both need counseling, but you’re poison for each other and there is too much resentment that has been built up for things to be worked out. Separate and focus on co-parenting.

Post # 13
745 posts
Busy bee

Do you even like this woman? Because it sounds like you hate her and the ground she walks on. 

She just had a baby and her brother just died. OF COURSE she’s upset and not cleaning your house the way you think she should be. 

You seem awful. Leave this poor girl and let her find someone who actually gives a crap about her and her child. 

Post # 14
163 posts
Blushing bee

Sounds like a troll to me. 

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