- 1 week ago
I feel like I am at an impassé with my GF. It is my intention to solve this matter, we recently had a beautiful baby girl together and I otherwise could not be any happier. Couples therapy will most likely be necessary. We’re struggling with a few things.
1) First the fact that I am very introverted and she is a very extroverted. This only became an issue after she moved into my house. An example would be she takes it personaly when I tell her I don’t want to hang out or have people over or go out to others, but really I just need time alone more often then not. I am totally willing to split the week with her and compromise, but it’s more then that…I am selfish and very self-absorbed person and I really enjoy my own company, almost too much for her it seems, she feels alone and trapped. I literally have a blast everywhere I go, it never matters with who or if alone. It feels like she wants me to change sometimes, but I try to tell her she can’t. She says I make no effort in the relationship and I have to agree, but that’s only because of the other things in combination that I will try and explain below.
2) I promised her a nice vacation but due to lack of funds I couldn’t make this happen. She bought a whole bunch of baby things early on (although we didn’t need everything I am grateful) and is set on the whole organic and fragrance free stuff, which I do agree is good but in my opinion totally unecessary…anyways she holds it over my head all the time that I owe her, and then gets upset when I spend money on myself instead. The reality is I am a home owner that is house broke and it’s been tough for her to accept my limited lifestyle since she moved in. I have a budget, I tried to explain it but she doesn’t get it. Then when we fight shes goes away and spends more money, which I am sure I’ll have to help her repay one day, so that upsets me even more. My money is my money, I don’t share banks or anything, and if she doesn’t like it too bad.
3) I did love this woman, but about 7 months into pregnancy her younger brother died, (poor soul), and since she has been nothing but depressed, anxious and overall negative. It seems there are so many triggers and all of a sudden she is storming, throwing things around and breaking my shit and it’s all my fault. I worked really damn hard renovating my house, and yes, to some extent I am the type that values things over people, so when she throws these tantrums and starts to break things I don’t know what to do but get mad at her. She needs help and refuses to take it. I have even contemplated calling the suicide hotline on her behalf. I had proposed before her brother died but frankly I changed my mind, there’s no way I want to live with someone who is emotionally unstable.
4) She has PSTD and is extremely sensitive, this I did not know beforehand. She gets a headache over what I think is the tiniest things, like chemical fragrances, bleach, traditional soaps but it also extends to noises people make, like chewing, or slurping, heck even me practicing guitar over and over drives her nuts. She will get to the point where she rages and gets violent. I am not equiped for this and I know it’s also not fair to get mad at her. She had a terrible childhood, but I had no idea it was this bad. She’s said before, you don’t love me. Well how could I love someone so sensitive? It makes me sick.
5) The last thing is her day-to-day tidyness. I think this is linked to her depression. I goddamn hope so or I am out. Anyways she is just a messy person and I am a neatfreak, I am starting to lose my shit. Why is it so hard to wipe the counter after use? Why can’t you put things away after? She has gotten better, but not enough for my likings.
I thought about all of this… one one hand it’s possible that I am a person not capable of loving another (or perhaps at least our languages are very different)…but on the otherhand I have always been a very selfish and self-absorved person, and so regardless of how much I love someone it doesn’t mean I am going to put them ahead of myself.
Since her brother died it’s just so much different, she has this fear of loss for the baby and I am the bad guy because I don’t really care either way, life is beautiful and I have no time for drama and fear.
We have talked and talked, but it seems she can’t have a mature conversation without her emotions getting out of control, I don’t know what to do anymore.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.