(Closed) Struggling with intimacy and the O

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

first of all, I want to commend you for being brave enough to be honest with yourself and all of us on here, and reach out for some help!

if you can bring yourself to orgasm by yourself, but not with him- that’s a great start! at this point, try to self-pleasure once a week if you can. It’s like training for your genitals! haha…

i’d suggest having a “tantric” evening with your lover. Really set the scene, tell him you want to be sensual, take things slow, and just enjoy each other.

light candles, make burn some incense if that’s your thing, low music, and sit or lie side by side in a melting embrace. connect on a deep heart level. you can talk some, or just be quiet, really taking in each other’s energy.

start with kissing, but don’t let things heat up too quickly. wear a silk robe or something that makes you feel beautiful. Encourage him to wear something that he feels good in.

caress each other all over- not for sexual pleasure, but just to enjoy touching. i like having my feet massaged with oil too.

then, let it evolve into sex. try mutual masterbation for a bit, since you know how you like to be pleasured. show him! let him go down on you and tell him exactly what feels good. Don’t worry if you can’t come- you’re just enjoying it all!

IF or when it comes to penetration, then use a vibe or your fingers on your clit to help things. Make sure he doesn’t go too fast- he should try to “wait” for you.

basically, i think you just need to add a little help and get him to slow down, and get YOU feeling sexy again. have fun in the process!

Post # 4
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If you can have that Big O feeling on your own, have you thought about having your FI  do to you what you do to yourself? Direct him to your ‘sweet spot’ and give him directions on what feels good? Even if you can’t get a O from penis/vagina sex, I’m sure it would make him happy if he could get you there in other ways!

Post # 6
Member
7858 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i had and sometime still have a hard time completely letting go of myself. 

without the pressure of you FI, try pleasuring yourself. use your finger, or a vibrator.  whatever gets the job done. but relax and have fun and you don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to.

 

Post # 7
Member
3431 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Try to clear your mind before you and your FI get busy. Focus on eachother, stay in sexy thought. Sounds like your FI Loves you just as you are, no need to be insecure. Everyone has sexy in them…Everyone!! let her out girl:) 

Post # 8
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mtnhoney:  +1 I will add though that it’s a good idea to set your wake up alarms before hand. Many a time DH and I have done slow, sensual and just been so relaxed and content that one or both of us have fallen asleep before it got to the sexual part!

Post # 9
Member
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

@Riesz:  THIS!  This is basically my life.  come home exhausted, make dinner, watch tv and fall asleep.  No time for sex or either its over as soon as it starts.  ugh.  

Post # 10
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Riesz:  You’re welcome! yes, waiting until the end of a long day is usually not a good time. My partner and I find that before dinner is much better- as long as neither one of us is really hungry! of course, that tends to only work on the days we don’t work.

 

Post # 11
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Does he show that he’s into it? Show his excitement when you’re doing the deed?

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