struggling with not being chosen to be a bridesmaid when husband will be a groom

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Are you the only girl “in-law”? Just because the groom made his brothers groomsmen doesn’t mean the bride has to reciprocate. It’s still going to be a wonderful family event, try to let it go.

Post # 4
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

So, the *sister*, *brother* and *niece* of bride or groom are in the wedding party. And you are not a sister, but a sister-in-law.

Why are you upset exactly? It’s pretty normal for a person to ask their own siblings to be in the wedding party, and not necessarily their siblings’ spouses.

Post # 5
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

NatashaS:  What about the sister’s husband (the father of the flower girl)?

The 3 people you have mentioned (groom’s brother, sister and niece) are all blood related to the groom so it’s different.

Post # 8
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

1) This is not about it being “the bride’s day”. It has everything to do with the fact that it is entirely normal for a bride to include her own biological immediate family in the wedding, while not necessarily including her in-laws in the wedding party.

2) If the entire family will be at “the head table” it’s ridiculous for you not to be seated there, regardless of whether you are in the wedding party. I personally disapprove when the wedding party is seated without SOs, but even then, you’d presumably be seated with the rest of the family. To have *the entire family* seated at the end table and you somewhere else all by yourself is stupid and slighting. Have your husband address the insanity of that separately.

Post # 10
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

Wait – do you even know if there’s going to BE a head table? Or if there is, whether or not you would be seated there?

If you don’t even know if that’s happening, you are getting WAY WAY ahead of yourself. You are borrowing all kinds of trouble that you don’t even know exists yet. Why are you torturing yourself like this?

Post # 13
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Don’t be insulted- the bride isn’t putting all of her friends in her wedding party. If there’s a head table for the bridal party and you have to sit without your DH for a while at the reception, you’ll survive. No one will paying attention to you, or the fact that you’re not in the bridal party.

Post # 14
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

You aren’t being terribly clear.

1) Have you been told this long table is for wedding party ONLY, and that you will absolutely not be seated at it?

2) Have you been told that this parents WILL be seated at this long table? (If there is a long table like this, parents are often NOT seated there.)

3) Are any of the bride’s other siblings married?

Post # 15
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Are you sure the parents will be at the head table? Because usually they aren’t.

Even if they are, I assume you’ll be seated with wider family (e.g. groom’s aunts or cousins, even grandparents), who you’d know a little. Your husband can come down from the head table after the actual meal, he doesn’t need to be apart from you all night. Don’t make a fuss: just eat where you’re put for an hour or two, make polite conversation with who you’re seated with, and admire your husband the groomsman. 🙂

I don’t think it’s an insult to you at all. They’re just including the groom’s blood relatives (his brother and sister), and it’s got to stop somewhere. You haven’t answered if any other in-laws are in the bridal party, but it doesn’t sound like they are.

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