Post # 1
I am conflicted about sending thank you notes to people who travelled but gave no gift.
Previous advice on here indicated that no gift = no thank you card.
I had a friend who travelled for my wedding, she came for dinner last night. We were married late October, and last night, she blurts out, “where’s my thank you card”. I was a little surprised. So I lied and said I was waiting for the photographer photos. I will scramble and send her one. But I did not plan to give them to people who did not give gifts.
Also, a mutual friend told me that this particular friend had ‘forgotten the gift in LA’.
So, I’m a little confused about thank you notes. Does anyone know the proper etiquette? I thought the ‘favours with thank yous for attending’ were sufficient.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@MrsTimmy: Wow! That was blunt of her to ask where her thank you card was. However, I plan on sending thank you cards to everyone, regardless of gift or no gift, like you said they had to travel to be there and that’s an effort. Although I do think it’s weird to not bring a gift to a wedding…
Post # 4
@mchitt329: I was shocked at how many people did not bring a card or gift. I was also shocked at how many people did not attend that sent gifts. It did even out. But it was surprising.
Post # 5
There is no need whatsoever to send thank-you notes to guests who did not give you a gift. I am suprised that someone who did not give you a gift would not only expect to receive a thank-you note, but also breach etiquette by asking for one.
I wonder if she subsequently sent a gift (if she had left it in LA) and it has never reached you? Even still, she should not have mentioned that she did not receive a note. If she did mail a gift and you did not receive it, her inquiry should have been expressed in the manner of inquiring if her gift had successfully reached you.
Post # 6
Personally, I only sent thank you notes to those who did bring a gift or sent a gift.
On the other hand, I am very shocked that she flat out asked you where her thank you note was, espically when she didn’t give a gift!
Post # 7
Ehh, I did send thank you’s to all guests, but we only had 2 people not give us either a card or gift. Of those 2 people, one was a grandmother who travelled a long way, and the other was a cousin who said they forgot it, and actually I think sending her a thank you for attending reminded her that she hadn’t sent it yet lol, because it showed up shortly thereafter! lol
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@MrsTimmy: I would have straight up told her she didn’t give a gift and you thanked her for coming with the reception. For one, maybe she gave a gift and it got lost… that would be good to know. If not, then you could enlighten her about how RUDE she just was instead of letting her continue to think you are the rude one.
Post # 9
Etiquette sources say that thank you notes are for those guests that gave gifts.
You have already thanked everyone for attending with the reception itself, and verbally at the event.
Sending a thank you for coming out, thanking them yet again is a) redundant b) can be seen as fishing for gifts.
Post # 10
I think it was rude of her to ask. The reception and favour are the thanks for attending.
Post # 11
I personally sent thank yous to guests who did not give gifts. For example, my cousin came and did not bring a gift, but i know he doesn’t have tons of money and his girlfriend is pregnant, so I understood. I was just really happy that he came all that way just to celebrate with us. His girlfriend came as well, even though she has been having a rough pregnancy with complications. just because they did not bring a gift doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate that they came, and I think every guest deserves a thank you for celebrating with you. Regardless of bringing a gift, they took time out of their lives to be there for me. I think that deserves the cost of a stamp.
Post # 12
how rude! technically the reception you host is your thank you to those attending. Therefore, only thank yous are required to those who gave gifts.
I consider my $300 per head dinner a big fucking thank you to my guests!!
Post # 13
DH and I circulated the room several times (we had a smaller wedding so this was pretty easy to do) AND personally said goodbye and effusive thank yous to guests as they left (they staggered their exits) so we only sent TY cards to those that gifted, which would account for about 95% of our guests.
Honestly, I only received ONE TY card out of all of the weddings and showers we’ve attended in the past five years, so I’m surprised she even reacted that way. I tend to see TY cards as a pleasant surprise given the lack of cards we’ve received over the years.
If your friend did “forget” the gift, which is believable, then she should have mentioned it to you and said that as soon as she returns, she’ll send it on its way. It’s been over a month since your wedding and that’s plenty of time to send your gift to you or hand-deliver it. If it’s heavy, then she can opt for a different gift instead.