Struggling with this whole "distance" thing (Long, sorry!!)

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@CarolinaPeach13:  I’m sorry you are going through this.  YES long distance relationships are hard work.  The most important thing I’ve found is to have an “end date” – a date you two have agreed that will be the end of being apart all the time!!  It really helps when you have something to look forward to.

A good long distance relationship also needs both sides constantly keeping in touch with each other.  My FI was fantastic – he rang me pretty much every single night.  But when I knew he was not listening to what I was saying…sometimes I would just tell him “you aren’t concentrating on what I am saying” OR “you aren’t trying to even make conversations with me so I’m going to go now get ready for bed” etc etc.  

Sometimes you need to be a bit tough on them to snap back their attention!  

Post # 4
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@CarolinaPeach13:  Do you have date nights?  We used to watch movies, and Doctor Who, together via skype.  “ok… 3… 2… 1… PLAY!” is still a running joke.

Post # 5
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

Sorry to hear you’re struggling with the distance of the LDR. I’ve been in them before and it really doesn’t work for me. What helps me get through it was discussing and agreeing on some expectations, routines, etc. For example, we would discuss how much time we have to spend on Skype in order for us to feel good in the relationship. Also, having a long-term plan for the relationship and how to shorten the distance helps me.

Post # 7
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

@CarolinaPeach13:  Start with something simple like “Where do you see us in a year? two years? five?”

As for your other problems this is tough.I’m long distance too and only see him every 4-5 months as well. I understand all of your issues.

I think that maybe you should use this time to re-evaluate and make sure that this relationship is right for you. In long distance it’s hard for us to really take an accurate pulse of our relationship because it’s so uneven: when we’re together it’s bliss and so short that problems rarely crop up and when we’re apart the distance is a poison that can taint our view of the relationship.

I definitely think that things have to change in your relationship. It’s not fair that you’re going to bed angry. If I were you I’d make a list of all the issues you are currently having with him. Figure out which ones you can live with and which ones need to change. Then figure out, honestly, whether it is an issue he alone needs to work on, one you alone need to work on, or one you both need to work on.

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