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Unfortunately, this is one time where you might have to cut off any physical contact whatsoever until you can get it under control. I know that stinks, but I've been there. Because the closer and closer you toe that lie, the harder it is to slip down into something you want NOW, and we all like instant gratification. Good luck!
I'm not sure when your wedding is. Hopefully not too much longer. In some ways it was easier for me, because we had LDR through our engagement. But really for the most part, I would rather have had him near me, for the entire engagement and try to facethe temptation, then to not have him around at all. (Maybe you can think of it that way.)
Also, just keep thinking ahead to how awesome your honeymoon will be.
good luck!
It's just getting hard b/c you are getting SO CLOSE! At least that's what I'm taking from your post. Keep working at it, I know it's tough. =]
I just realized that my post made no sense at all. I meant to say the closer you get to toe-ing that LINE, the EASIER it is to slip into "instant gratification" mode. Sigh. It was an early morning.
I understand that it's hard. After my FI and I got engagement the boundaries moved a little bit more, and maybe not for the better. We started doing more things...
Good luck! It's hard.
Just try to wait, ask God for strength and don't put yourselves into situations that can distract you. I had to stop going over my FI's house for a while, he could only come to mine. We did this because there is no privacy in my house, too many people around, but at his, no one would bother us at all, too much temptation to hang out there.
But you are definatly not the only one. It's actually really weird to think that you have to keep stopping and saying no, than one day you'll be allowed to do whatever you want. Just stay strong. Put the Lord first, you can do it, when is your wedding?
We get married in 31 days!! Thank God! So not too long but it's still tough you know?
@Br1..you're right though, I need to continue to ask God for strength and not put ourselves in situations that will be more tempting. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!!
I just know that after posting a message about "boundaries" on here, I was SO much better about it! There's something about accountability. Or at least "accountability" in my head.
I think everyone is different..near the end I trusted my man 100% not to cross the line. When I was younger, I actually thought for awhile I would after engagement, but then I thought "I've made it this far!!!"
I don't know how old you are, but just think about how long you have made it, and you don't want to have regrets about your physical relationship not making it a few more days!
And even once you are married, it can take awhile to get everything worked out, so you will need to be patient again!
My FI will get into town a week before the wedding and will be staying at my apartment....so, that will be me...him....and one very long week of waiting until the wedding. I told him last night that I'm instituting a "no kissing rule" during that week. I know at that point any kind of physical contact might tempt us to go further, so maybe limit our physical contact w/ your FI. :)
Oh...I am definitely fighting this fight right now! After we got engaged, things seemed to slow down for a while and then all of a sudden we were right back to where we were in the beginning when we were struggling so much!
We realized that our problem was that we weren't putting God first in our relationship. We had our own private time with God but not together. Now we make it a priority to pray before and after we hang out every day. Its weird at first, but after a while, it becomes habit and I actually miss it when we forget. It brings us so much closer together too.
I'm so happy you are getting married soon! I hope it gets better for you!
Thanks for all of the advice Bee's!!! You guys are wonderful! We have 24 days to go and we WILL make it! With God's help of course!! We haven't been doing good but we promised to go over the boundaries (name what they are) and try harder the next time we see each other.
@Tiffany, thanks! Yeah, it's close so we'll be fine. I went through that too. When you do devotions it really helps out the relationship. We just have to remember to do our own "God time."
@JSDragon...wow! You go girl! That's a wonderful rule! :)
Hey, I understand what you are going through!!! I think everyone has struggled one time or another. The world wants you to have the easy way out but God always wants the best for you!!! :) So keep fighting the good fight! You are not alone in on this!!! My FI and I are also struggling but we are going to wait til that first night! :D We waited the last 3 years and I know we can go another 7 months.
YOU CAN DO ALL THING THROUGH CHRIST!
My girlfriend and I tell ourselves these same things. We've been together 7 years, and are waiting till we are married. We are planning on getting married Nov 13, 2010. It's never easy though...but when we think about how long we've been together and all the hard work it took to get to this moment, 11 months is nothing to compared to a married started off with a guilty conscience.
@Zakeeus - How great to get a guys opinion on here especially about purity!
i agree to a point about not starting off with a guilty conscience.. but it is more than just worrying about how you feel about it. I am really convicted about seeing it as God sees it. . . sin. which he hates. which he died for. Thank God for forgiveness!
You are so right - It is never easy. We all fall short. . but it is a mind set we have to change.
p.s. Is that your real name? (love the story of him!)
We struggled but we made it. It was very difficult because we each had our own apartments.
Yes, we do struggle at times but we know the vow we have made to the lord and try to keep that promise to him. It is even more important because someday as a preachers wife I might have to counsel young couples on this very issue. I want to be able to give them honest advice and tell them how I made it through that hard time...
Being engaged definitely makes it harder. Granted I wouldn't say distance makes it easier. My fiance' and I used to live 3 hours apart and now that I live 3 minutes away, its easier. But I think if anything I've learned that I've had an inappropriate pride toward my virginity where part of my motivation was to think myself better than others. I'd usually beat myself up when I'd fall a bit more. But where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. I'm learning more and more to rely more on God than on myself. That doesn't mean putting myself in situations that tempt me and expecting God to do all the work. But it is recognizing that God is more of your strength than this. Rely on his graces to give you the wisdom, courage and good will to avoid those situations that tempt you.
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So my FI and I are REALLY struggling with "keeping the boundaries" as we are getting closer to our wedding day. :( The Lord is ALWAYS so faithful to bring us back to Him and has given us the strength to not give in completely (sexually). I thank God so much for that! It's still really really difficult though! Anyone else on the same boat or am I the only one?