Post # 1
Well, I guess this is NWR, but there’s only this ‘money’ category, so here goes:
We’re getting our finances straight and working towards having joint finances before marriage. We both feel that we need to sort finances out since that’s a huge part of a marriage, it would be a bad idea to get married and then realise that we cannot manage finances together. So we’re “practising” now.
We already live together. Before we moved in together, I had a bank account connected to a bonus card at one big grocery chain store over here in Sweden. You get discounts and sometimes money checks if you’re a member. I use this whenever I go shopping at one of those stores.
We have a difficult time trying to track where our money goes. We need to go through receipts and calculate who spent how much on what. I suggested that he could start transferring money from his bank account to my groceries account and we could have that account in common. He’s often instantly negative towards new ideas, he hates change, which drives me nuts. He has improved (= I brainwashed him, mohahaha) and is now more open to new ideas. But not this one. He just said that he can give me money and I use them for whatever shopping needs to be done. He won’t be bothered with the groceries account, he doesn’t think it’s unnecessary, but he’s just not into having a joint one.
I’m so annoyed with his instant negative reaction to other people’s suggestions, and that he doesn’t see all the benefits (easier to keep track on how much money we spend on groceries, the bonus checks and discounts) of having this bonus card and account. What can I do to make him a) realise that there are benefits and would make things so much easier, and b) to stop acting so stubborn and negative by default towards new ideas? Or should I just let it go and continue having this account only for myself? Maybe I’m being too controlling here. And just as stubborn as him. 😉
Sorry for this long, boring post. I’m just so annoyed. I’ve tried to talk to him, but he just shrugs it off or feels like I’m nagging and gets annoyed.
Post # 2
Is your FI Swedish as well? For us it was an easy decision – when we counted how much we spent separately (i guess we shop in the same big grocery store:-) it was just unreasonably much more than if i took care of everything from one card and on some schedule.. So that was enough.. We decided i will be taking care of groceries as i have more time and let’s be honest I know more what is missing home so if I sent my FI he would bring “godis”:-)) did you tell him you want to keep track of how much you spend there? Or did you set up maybe some amount you would like to keep your shopping around? do you spend more than you want to? Maybe he ciuld try to take care of it for a while and track and become annoyed so he rather had a joint account:-)
Post # 3
I don’t see what the big deal is. He is transferring money to you either. Your way it is electronic (into bank account) and his way giving you cash. If he feels that strongly about it why not just keep accepting the cash and depositing it yourself into the account? Then you both “win”.
Post # 4
We did something similar to this upon moving in together. We kept our individual accounts and created one joint account. We each would deposit the same amt each month into the joint account, specifically for household expenses. We both had debit cards attached to the account. Bills got paid on the 1st of the month from the account, and the rest was used on groceries, decor, supplies, etc. Whatever was than leftover each month went to our vacation fund.
The money in our individual accounts was at our disposal to save or spend as we’d like. We never questioned what the other was spending. It was awesome, and worked out flawlessly. We never argued about finances. I would def recommend that sort of arrangement for anyone, because it really does eliminate almost all finance related arguments if both people are on board.
My SO wasn’t that stubborn with it, but I did make it clear that my moving in together was contingent on working out every living related dime together first. Eventually, after getting married, that joint account became our sole and primary account. We still have our individual savings accounts that we always had before we met eachother and our own credit cards, but did away with the personal checking accounts.
Lastly, it your SO is really opposed to it, I’md just leave it alone until he comes around on his own. Money is a very personal thing and most people are scared to lose complete control over theirs. It’s also incredibly scary to give someone access to even a small amount of your own hard-earned money, even if it is someone you love and trust. Just make sure you are both 100% comfortable with any arrangement you do decide on. Otherwise, arguments will be inevitable.
Post # 5
Well the good news is that if this is your biggest issue, you guys are in a pretty good place, lol. Anyway, I’d recommend signing up for mint.com to deal with tracking where your money goes – you link it to your bank accounts and then it shows you analytics for how you’ve been spending money. I’m not familiar with grocery store money checks (although they sound awesome!), but if it isn’t linked to your bank account you may have to enter that manually. All in all, should be a lot easier than trying to keep track of every receipt! Best of luck!
Here’s a a screenshot for more info (and I promise I don’t work for them, haha!):
Post # 6
Can you just deposit the money he gives you into the grocery account?
Post # 7
MrsBeck: Yeah…I don’t see the difference between him giving you cash for groceries vs transferring it into the account.
Post # 8
I think I would just deposit the cash he gives you into your account. Maybe he doesn’t understand the logistics of transferring into your joint account.
I think linking your accounts to Mint would be a good idea. We use Quicken (which owns Mint) to keep track of all of our finances.
Post # 9
Ask him how he envisioned this “practice” of joining finances. Maybe this isn’t what he had in mind. However, I would also be annoyed with him too.
Post # 10
MrsJenningsToBe: Maybe it’s this system of looking at receipts that is tedious? I don’t look at receipts. I just look at online banking accounts transactions and record them into my spreadsheet. (In the US we have Mint.com that combaines all your accounts for viewing.) He’d have to give you access so that you can look at his transactions. An issue would arrise if he takes out $200 cash and you don’t really know what it was broken down into.
I also agree – ask him what did he envision when you guys agreed to “practice” merging money. Perhaps you two just are on different pages and you each assumed the other was on your page. See if he can explain what he was thinking.
What does he envision your money methods will be like in 10 years after the wedding? Try to emphasize the big picture.