(Closed) Stubborn Groom + Bachelor Party = Bride with Headache

posted 10 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I don’t know.  If it’s such a big deal to you, he should probably be willing to compromise and not see her.  On the other hand, he’s marrying you, not her, so i would tend to say just relax and let him hang out with his friend.  If there are some deeper trust issues there (which it sounds like there might be), I would talk to him about that before the wedding. 

Post # 5
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with Livvie, and I will say that when was dealing with jealousy over a guy’s ex that I had to keep hanging out with – he had a REALLY hard time "getting" my feelings, since he didn’t feel jealousy the same way.  In his head, it’s all old history, I’m now really his.  It took a lot of explaining – and fighting.  And it’s not trust issues, it’s that I have jealousy issues, and yes that’s my problem that I’m working on, but something he needs to respect b/c when it comes down to it – soemthing that causes me pain is to be avoided.

 That said, I’d agree with the Bachelor party in general, but I think it’s fine to have her with his group on the day of – I mean, she is on his side of things.  Not that I’d think the "guys" would want her there?

Finally, I think the fact that he wants the 3 of you to hang out very telling – that you can rest assured overall. 

 

Post # 6
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Which side will she be standing on? If she’s standing on your side, then why don’t you ask her to get herself dressed and made up in the bridal chamber and then afterwards tell her she is welcome in either your room or the groom’s? This way she will feel more included in the "girl time" and you’ll get to know eachother better/do some bonding, and she will also get to spend some quality time with her good friend the groom. Everybody wins.

If she’s standing on his side, I would offer the bridal chamber to her as an option for getting ready, but otherwise let her hang out with the groom.

 It sounds like you are worrying that there may be some vestigial feelings between these two, but at this juncture you’re just going to have to trust them both or go crazy, right? Good call on moving the bachelor party so she wouldn’t be going (after all, you don’t want to play with fire…I mean alcohol…). But I dont’ think you have anything to worry about in the middle of the day while you’re getting ready for the wedding. Good luck!

 

Post # 8
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think Chelsea had the perfect combo-advice for day of – offer, let her know you want her to get to hang with the girls too, and let her decide, and hopefully do a little of both

Post # 9
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m sure you’ll get lots of different opinions on this, but if it were me, I’d let it go.  Enjoy the final days leading up to your wedding and let him spend some time with his friends (male or female) whenever he wants.  A few things to keep in mind:

1.  It sounds like they are old friends and even though he may have once had a "thing" for her, he’s obviously moved on from that.  He’s marrying you, isn’t he?  πŸ™‚

2.  Brides are always talking about the importance of having their closest/best friends share in their wedding day with them.  Don’t forget that guys can have this same exact feeling. Remember, it’s their wedding day too and every bit a milestone in their life as it is for you.

3.  Do you really want someone you’ve only met once in the bridal chamber with you?  That seems like a really personal time for a bride and her bridal party and mom.

Oh, and as far as your bridesmaids and your mom are concerned.  They will take your lead.  If you embrace his friendship and are thankful that she is there to support her friend for such an important event in his life, they will too.

Post # 12
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Glad to be of service πŸ™‚ The more you talk about what arrangements your groom is making to hang out the three of you, the more convinced I become that you will all have a great time and that their friendship is absolutely nothing to worry about.

And ynichole is right—your mom and other bridesmaids will take your lead. So even if they initially balk at the idea of her going to the groom’s room at all, treat it as a non-issue. Heck, treat it as a fun issue—she’s going to spy behind enemy lines! πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

Ok, wait, she’s staying with you the NIGHT of your wedding? THAT’s not cool. Even taking it out of context about who this person is, she, or anyone, should not stay with you the night of your wedding. She can suck it up and bunk with someone else. I’d put my foot down on that. Does that mean you have to get up the next morning to make sure she has breakfast? Or to make sure that she doesn’t feel left out? I’m sorry, that just struck me the wrong way. Forgive me if indeed this isn’t the situation.

Post # 14
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I stayed with a Bride and Groom in their home the night before their wedding, and was in the bride’s wedding party.  I think it just depends on what the B&G are comfy with.

Post # 16
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2009

I wouldn’t be ok with her staying the night of the wedding. The night before wouldn’t be a huge deal (maybe because we are staying the night apart) but the night of… I don’t think so! I know that the night of our wedding there will be quite a bit of romance…  I have already informed the four bridesmaids that will be staying with us the week before that they will need other accomodations the night of the wedding since we will be doing what we want, where we want and how loudly we want! hehe!

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