Post # 1
I went dress shopping with my bridesmaids this weekend. It started off just fine and I thought it ended fine. I gave them a few rules, it had to be black, same material and same designer and from there, they could choose a favorite. I’m warning now, this is a long one!
We went to two stores. They all found a dress they loved at the first place. It all happened to be the same dress, same designer, same material. I was happy that they all agreed because I have two extremely opinionated and picky bridesmaids. I have 5 girls all together including my maid of honor. We go to the second store which had a great selection but the dresses were jammed together on racks so we could barely look at them. We go to lunch and discuss the dress and possible shoe options. We all go home.
About 30-45 minutes later. My maid of honor(older sister) calls me to ask how I’m feeling about the dress. I tell her I’m happy that they all love the same dress and we are getting that but she is giving me push back. She kept asking me if I was sure that I was happy and asking what I really wanted but not really agreeing with me. I kept giving the same answer that I really wanted them to have different dresses but it is also great that they selected the same dress. This goes on and on, I’m getting frustrated because I feel like she is trying to push me out of the final decision and trying to tell me I feel differently(I’m also getting frustrated because I really had to pee and took a wrong turn because I was talking and driving!) I tell her I have to go because I’m not paying attention to the roads.
A few minutes later one of my bridesmaids(my little sister) calls me and we have the same conversation. The same pushing of if I’m sure, not really believin me and asking me what I really imagine/envisioned and then disaagreeing with it. They both are telling me they want to make sure I’m happy(which I understand and appreciate it!). My maid of honor calls and texts me repeatedly asking me for a decision for four hours after! I had to turn my phone off. I also had this conversation with my bridesmaid who I dropped home but it didn’t get to the point where she disagreeing with me about how I felt.
The same bridesmaid(little sister) calls me this morning and we have the same conversation. I had to tell her that at this point they are pressuring me and badgering me even if they aren’t meaning to and I’m getting really frustrated and stressed out. She tells me it is all up to me and they want to make me happy and make sure I am happy with the choice but then turns around and says well it is really the maid of honor’s choice for dresses and not mine and I have to accomdate the maid of honor’s body issues and size. I tell her I understand that our older sister(maid of honor) has body image issues and is uncomfortable in her own skin but it is my choice. This goes back and forth between it is my wedding and I have the choice to it is up to the maid of honor.
I’m super frustrated and do not know what to do from here. I feel like no one is listening to me, everyone is shutting me down what I do tell them what any visions I did have and that my opinion really doesn’t count. Any advice on what to do? I’m sick and tired of being frustrated and stressed over this.
Post # 3
I understand where you are coming from! My BM’s all want different things short/long, one Bridesmaid or Best Man even told me she couldn’t wear the color I picked. I finally just stuck with the color told them the fabric I wanted and let them to pick their own dresses. Bottom line it is your day and your vision stay true to that and they will come around!
Post # 4
What’s the difference between the dress the Maid/Matron of Honor wants and what you want? The focus of the wedding is you and your tastes, but it’s always mannerily to consider other people’s body issues when choosing a dress.
Post # 5
It’s your wedding, so it’s your choice. It’s really nice that you took their thoughts into consideration, but they need to stop beating around the bush. Do they like the dress or not? If they don’t like it, speak up…otherwise, you’re choosing it.
Post # 6
If they all like the same dress, I’d consider it a blessing!
I took 4 of my 9 bridesmaids dress shopping a few weeks ago and gave the same parameters–same color, fabric and designer. 3 of them loved one dress, one liked another, and we picked another dress for the sake of selection. Once I presented the selections to the girls, it turned out that no one wanted one of them, which was fine with me! Everyone found something they’d be fine paying for and happy wearing, so no squabbles and no complaining. 🙂
Post # 7
If anyone is curious about an update. My older sister/maid of honor has completely flipped out on me for no reason at all, she got so mean and hurtful to the point people were messaging me, asking if I was okay. All she kept saying to me was fuck you, you’re a bitch, you’re ungrateful and you’re unappreciative. She blasted it all over my personal wall on facebook because she didn’t care who saw. I’ve spent a majority of time trying to please her, and make sure she is happy. My older sister loses her temper very easily and once she is mad she has tunnel vision/hearing. She actually called our mother at one point, crying and playing victim, and made up things I had said, twisted things around I said, and left out how she has been treating me. When my Mom called me and I told her everything, even what I said because I had nothing to hide, she said “I didnt know that, she didn’t tell me.” Not very surprising. My sister has actually gone to the lengths of blocking and deleting me from every social network and ignoring my texts that we are looking at other options. I really do not know what to do with her and I don’t feel like she deserves to be maid of honor any longer, since she isn’t acting like that.
@MayFlower0514: I’ve been more than accommodating on her body issues, I told her she could dress how she wanted within those three requirements, I never fought her on wanting to cover her body up because I completely get where she is coming from. There really isn’t a difference on what I want because my rule was as long as its black, and you all agree on the same material and designer I’m happy. Did I really want them in different dresses? Yes because I wanted everyone’s personal style to shine through but it isn’t important that they have to have different dresses.
Post # 8
Oh wow… I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry you’re going through this!