Post # 1
hey girls – looking for some opinions from others since its hard to seperate what is the “best” idea vs my personal ideas….
so a little background I am in a bridal party with 8 other girls (9 total) and from the start things have not been good. We know the bride from different times in her life and because of this we are all very different – different incomes, different religions, different ideas of what is fun, different everything basically and there has been a lot of tension between the known her longest crew vs the knows her now crew (I will try to keep this neutral so I won’t say which one I am in)
we barely made it through the bridal shower and in the end I had to recruit the one family member in the BP to tell the girls mom what was happening knowing that she would step up and throw the shower herself if she heard some of the “ideas” (and she did). It worked out in the end but myself and one other friend (who are actually in different “crews” but we were able to get over/rise above the drama others keep feeding into) did the majority of the work while the others made excuses (financial, time, effort, some even showed up hours late with no excuse) – for the record neither of us is the MOH (there is more than one and they are the actually the worse with “contributing” but also the most likely to call up the bride and complain that no one is listening to them and they are being excluded)
now the bachelorette is a few weeks away and we have ZERO plan.. I have sent out like 10 ideas (via email) and not one person has replied (over the past 2 months)… I am not sure what to do at this point. I know we have a big issue with the fact that 2 of the girls are very religious and don’t drink/ like to be around alcohol however the bride to be does (not like a total drunk but likes to have fun you know?) —
what do I do? (also is it totally inappropriate for me to take charge again… I feel like I don’t really care if these others girls are my friends but I don’t want to screw my bride over by not planning anything for her)
Post # 2
littlemisshostess: If you want to ensure that she has a bachelorette, I would contact the MOH’s, ask them if they have made any plans, make your suggestions and offer to plan the event.
You can accomodate everyone by planning a nice dinner out, then an evening of cocktails. The non-drinkers can choose to opt out after dinner.
Post # 3
littlemisshostess: I may have missed this, but what did the bride say she wanted? Personally I’d try to build off that if reasonable.
And if the MOHs won’t do anything, seriously, just plan it for your friend… even if everyone else complains.
Post # 4
she told me that she wants to go out, get sushi and saki, go to a “speakeasy” and have sort of a drunk party night ending with a sleepover (all of this is obviously easy enough but sushi isn’t cheap nor are $15 drinks and $65/pp drink minimums at bars in NYC to reserve a table and the idea of us all having a sleepover together is just laughable)
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN
My MOH planned for a dinner at a fancy restaurant, and then my BMs under 21 went home and we went to a bar. I am a Baptist Christian, and I know for a fact that no where in the Bible does it say not to drink. It says not to get drunk. Which I don’t. If I weren’t religious I don’t think I would. I just don’t swe the point. I know there are quite a few legalistic Christian out there that don’t agree with me, but were still brothers and sisters in Christ. I don’t care what they think about that. But anyway. I though the way my MOH did it was awesome because it included my whole bridal party and we still got to have fun (not getting drunk. Haha). I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to feel left out. So I think picking something inexpensive and not offensive(?) for the whole group to do and then go to a bar and party it up. 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN
And as far as who plans it. I honestly don’t think it matters, unless the MOH’s want to. But I would talk to them. I would say something along the lines of, “BP is in a couple weeks. I haven’t heard any solid plans. If you don’t want to plan it I would love to. I don’t want Bride to miss out on this.” And let them know what you’re planning.
Post # 7
Her idea of the sushi sleepover sounds awesome, but if you can’t make it happen for her, then don’t sweat it. I think the biggest thing is to talk it over with the bride herself and see what she wants to do. Surprises are less important than everyone being happy with the plan.
Post # 8
I think you should ask the MOHs what they have planned (if anything), and then suggest what the bride wants. If they pull the “we have plenty of time” card, tell them that you don’t see the point in waiting to plan at this point.
And if they still have issues, plan it with any other willing BMs. I think what the bride has is pretty good. Non-drinkers can opt out later.
As an aside, I was in a bridal party where one member didn’t drink and insisted we didn’t go to the bar. She also had a kid and didn’t want to be lugging him around. Apparently it wasn’t fair for us to do dinner/chill stuff and go out to a bar later. (The bride wanted drinks and karaoke.) Oh no, she had to be there, it wasn’t fair to leave her out. The bride went along with it and said it was ok, but you could tell she wasn’t happy with the idea. To “make up” for it, the problem BM offered to plan everything. Here’s what she planned: nothing. Another BM and I threw something together days before involving dinner and drinks and games at the BM’s place. But problem BM still complained about the drinks (and everything really) and wouldn’t participate. Kind of soured everything.
Post # 9
- Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club
I agree with the PPs. I would talk to the MOHs and find out what the deal is. If they are not willing or able to plan the party than offer to pick up the slack. I would also suggest a multi-part party so that people can participate in the parts that they choose and feel comfortable with. In the end you will not be able to please/accomidate everyone. Some people’s beliefs, finances, and schedules will get in the way. I would go with what would be accomidating for everyone and if people choose not to attend then that’s fine.
Post # 10
Apple_Blossom: That sounds like a nigtmare! Did anyone tell her she was being inappropriate?
Post # 11
Apple_Blossom: see this is exactly what i don’t want to happen… that a week before all of a sudden its like oh @$@# we have nothing planned! add in that both I and my husband are both in other weddings the 2 weeks prior to this wedding so I have a lot going on this summer and this can’t be a last minute thing (especially since we will be having the sleep over at my house!)
I sent out another email right after posting this and at least everyone is talking (well for the most part… a few girls still haven’t commented) We still have the same issue that we had for the shower – we have a big expectation/plan and not a lot of cash! I ended up personally buying?DIY all the flowers/decorations for the bridal shower and I just can’t do that again…. between the $300+ a night hotel rooms for 2 of these weddings and just my own life I can’t bankroll 8 other girls
we have a few ideas but since we are in NYC its just expensive…. to get a private room is like $1000 minimum spend (which isn’t terrible when you do the math like $100ish each for dinner and drinks) but at least half of the girls refuse to spend that much (and I do respect that – like I said everyone has different incomes) and it just leaves me not sure what to do
now one of the MOH is saying that she is just going to take the bride out herself for a full day of adventure before the “official” bachelorette and that stinks too! who wants to be all run down and tired before your big night out
Post # 12
littlemisshostess: My DH was in a similar place with his bachelor party….. one guy came up with the perfect solution that I think will solve your problem……. Perhaps you can schedule a days worth of events…… and let it be known that everyone does not have to attend everything……..
Here is some things you can do in a major city (including NYC)
- go for a manicure and pedicure
- find an activity on living social (paint class, jewelry class)
- dinner- there are cheap sushi places in any major city (use yelp to find one)
- dinner- look on living social for dinner coupons
- hotel room- look on living social for hotel rooms
- get a hotel room and drink back in the room
Post # 13
I did vote for the bride- but I agree also with agree with doing the bar last and anyone who doesn’t want to attend can leave.
Does your bachelorette have to be in Manhattan? If you are willing to venture out to BK Clover Club has a speakeasy vibe (although there are no reservations so I would suggest getting there early-ish like 8) and there would be no minimum. And Ki Sushi on Smith is awesome and not terribly expensive.<br /><br />Alternately, I would suggest Zest Sushi or Cube 63 (I think the name may have changed), both on LES. They are both BYOB (I would call to confirm, but when I walked past 63 it definetly had BYOB up the other day) and that could save everyone a lot of $$.
Then after, if there are less than 6 of you, you can head to 2nd Floor on Clinton- no $$ minimum, but there is a max of 6 people per party, but it’s very chill.<br />If you are looking for something more lively but still speakeasy I would suggest Backroom- it’s hidden by a gate you have to go thru and walk thru an alley- if you are not familiar. Not sure if they take reservations, but I’ve never had a huge issue getting in. But if you are doing this on a Saturday- I would recommend showing up by 8:30 with a large group if there are no reservations.
<br />Where else were you looking? Speakeasies and sushi happen to be 2 big interestests of mine 🙂
Post # 14
NYCBased: I actually reached out to back room bar bc I have been there before and liked it but haven’t gotten a reply yet.
my (our) big issue is that we expect to be like 20 ppl for the bar (only about 12-14 for dinner) and thats a pretty good size group for any “speakeasy” to handle plus who would get there early to save our spot? we will all be out at dinner?
I have spoken to bathtub gin ($65/pp mini) and a few I tossed out becase there is just no way for it to work (ie PTD)
we also have the issue that while the bride (and I) like sushi we have at least two people who won’t touch it period so we were thinking somehing more hibachi like would be better than strict sushi….
I guess it just feels like everything we plan has some issue for someone
Post # 15
LauraJay: We didn’t outright say she was a being a pain, but tried subtle hints, like telling her the bride REALLY wants to go out, it really is ok to leave your kid with your husband for the night or it’s ok to leave after because we understand, the bride understands if you can’t come, suggesting at the house that we could go out after (“But I don’t want to take [kid] to a bar, we have to stay here!”)… After the party another BM told problem BM that the bride didn’t seem to have fun, and all problem BM could say was that she was much too worried about her kid to worry about the bride and it wasn’t her fault it wasn’t well planned. (Keeping in mind that she shot down everything and offered to plan… OK…)