stuck in the middle…. bridesmaid drama

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: what should we do for our friend bachelorette?
    what is best for the group - bachelorette are about friends and everyone should be included : (1 votes)
    3 %
    what the bride asked for (even if it might be too expensive or offensive to some) : (4 votes)
    13 %
    something that appeals to the middle ground (less expensive but also less of what she wants) : (6 votes)
    19 %
    something everyone wants to start but then hit a trendy expensive bar and who care who goes home : (10 votes)
    32 %
    sit back and let someone else deal - you aren't the MOH! : (5 votes)
    16 %
    be honest with the bride and let her know whats going on and let her decide : (4 votes)
    13 %
    another awesome idea that solves all the problems (and is explained in the comments) : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    42460 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    littlemisshostess:  If you want to ensure that she has a bachelorette, I would contact the MOH’s, ask them if they have made any plans, make your suggestions and offer to plan the event.

    You can accomodate everyone by planning  a nice dinner out, then an evening of cocktails. The non-drinkers can choose to opt out after dinner.

     

    Post # 3
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    littlemisshostess:  I may have missed this, but what did the bride say she wanted? Personally I’d try to build off that if reasonable.

    And if the MOHs won’t do anything, seriously, just plan it for your friend… even if everyone else complains.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1878 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

    My MOH planned for a dinner at a fancy restaurant, and then my BMs under 21 went home and we went to a bar. I am a Baptist Christian, and I know for a fact that no where in the Bible does it say not to drink. It says not to get drunk. Which I don’t. If I weren’t religious I don’t think I would. I just don’t swe the point. I know there are quite a few legalistic Christian out there that don’t agree with me, but were still brothers and sisters in Christ. I don’t care what they think about that. But anyway. I though the way my MOH did it was awesome because it included my whole bridal party and we still got to have fun (not getting drunk. Haha). I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to feel left out. So I think picking something inexpensive and not offensive(?) for the whole group to do and then go to a bar and party it up. 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    1878 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

    And as far as who plans it. I honestly don’t think it matters, unless the MOH’s want to. But I would talk to them. I would say something along the lines of, “BP is in a couple weeks. I haven’t heard any solid plans. If you don’t want to plan it I would love to. I don’t want Bride to miss out on this.” And let them know what you’re planning.

    Post # 7
    Member
    441 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Her idea of the sushi sleepover sounds awesome, but if you can’t make it happen for her, then don’t sweat it. I think the biggest thing is to talk it over with the bride herself and see what she wants to do. Surprises are less important than everyone being happy with the plan.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2203 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I think you should ask the MOHs what they have planned (if anything), and then suggest what the bride wants.  If they pull the “we have plenty of time” card, tell them that you don’t see the point in waiting to plan at this point.

    And if they still have issues, plan it with any other willing BMs.  I think what the bride has is pretty good.  Non-drinkers can opt out later.

    As an aside, I was in a bridal party where one member didn’t drink and insisted we didn’t go to the bar.  She also had a kid and didn’t want to be lugging him around.  Apparently it wasn’t fair for us to do dinner/chill stuff and go out to a bar later.  (The bride wanted drinks and karaoke.)  Oh no, she had to be there, it wasn’t fair to leave her out.  The bride went along with it and said it was ok, but you could tell she wasn’t happy with the idea.  To “make up” for it, the problem BM offered to plan everything.  Here’s what she planned: nothing.  Another BM and I threw something together days before involving dinner and drinks and games at the BM’s place.  But problem BM still complained about the drinks (and everything really) and wouldn’t participate.  Kind of soured everything.

    Post # 9
    Member
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club

    I agree with the PPs. I would talk to the MOHs and find out what the deal is. If they are not willing or able to plan the party than offer to pick up the slack. I would also suggest a multi-part party so that people can participate in the parts that they choose and feel comfortable with. In the end you will not be able to please/accomidate everyone. Some people’s beliefs, finances, and schedules will get in the way. I would go with what would be accomidating for everyone and if people choose not to attend then that’s fine.

    Post # 10
    Member
    441 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Apple_Blossom:  That sounds like a nigtmare! Did anyone tell her she was being inappropriate?

    Post # 12
    Member
    852 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

     

    littlemisshostess:  My DH was in a similar place with his bachelor party….. one guy came up with the perfect solution that I think will solve your problem……. Perhaps you can schedule a days worth of events…… and let it be known that everyone does not have to attend everything…….. 

    Here is some things you can do in a major city (including NYC)

    • go for a manicure and pedicure
    • find an activity on living social (paint class, jewelry class)
    • dinner- there are cheap sushi places in any major city (use yelp to find one)
    • dinner- look on living social for dinner coupons
    • hotel room- look on living social for hotel rooms
    • get a hotel room and drink back in the room 
    Post # 13
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee

    I did vote for the bride- but I agree also with agree with doing the bar last and anyone who doesn’t want to attend can leave.

    Does your bachelorette have to be in Manhattan? If you are willing to venture out to BK Clover Club has a speakeasy vibe (although there are no reservations so I would suggest getting there early-ish like 8) and there would be no minimum. And Ki Sushi on Smith is awesome and not terribly expensive.<br /><br />Alternately, I would suggest Zest Sushi or Cube 63 (I think the name may have changed), both on LES. They are both BYOB (I would call to confirm, but when I walked past 63 it definetly had BYOB up the other day) and that could save everyone a lot of $$.

    Then after, if there are less than 6 of you, you can head to 2nd Floor on Clinton- no $$ minimum, but there is a max of 6 people per party, but it’s very chill.<br />If you are looking for something more lively but still speakeasy I would suggest Backroom- it’s hidden by a gate you have to go thru and walk thru an alley- if you are not familiar. Not sure if they take reservations, but I’ve never had a huge issue getting in. But if you are doing this on a Saturday- I would recommend showing up by 8:30 with a large group if there are no reservations.

    <br />Where else were you looking? Speakeasies and sushi happen to be 2 big interestests of mine 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    2203 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    LauraJay:  We didn’t outright say she was a being a pain, but tried subtle hints, like telling her the bride REALLY wants to go out, it really is ok to leave your kid with your husband for the night or it’s ok to leave after because we understand, the bride understands if you can’t come, suggesting at the house that we could go out after (“But I don’t want to take [kid] to a bar, we have to stay here!”)…  After the party another BM told problem BM that the bride didn’t seem to have fun, and all problem BM could say was that she was much too worried about her kid to worry about the bride and it wasn’t her fault it wasn’t well planned.  (Keeping in mind that she shot down everything and offered to plan… OK…)

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