Post # 1
Just wondered if anyone else was feeling the same way. Hubby and I have been married almost a year (yay!) and have really enjoyed marriage so far. Over the past year, we purchased our first home and are getting settled into our new neighbourhood. We love the area and want to connect with people in the neighbourhood.
Here’s the issue: many of our friends are either TTC or currently expecting. Some now have young children. Most people in our neighbourhood have been living there for years, and already have 1 or 2 kids – many of these kids are even in their young teens.
We have decided to delay TTC for another year, mostly for financial reasons (daycare costs, anyone?!). So…now we feel a little stuck in the middle. Not part of the dating/getting engaged group, not part of the TTC group, and not part of the married with kids group that seems to surround us. We’re finding it a little hard to get to know people in the neighbourhood since we don’t have children and are in a different phase in life. Where are all the newlyweds? lol.
Does anyone else feel a little isolated? Maybe it’s just us. Thought I’d see if anyone else was feeling the same way…
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.
We are not quite in the same situation (Most of Mr. Aardvark’s friends had kids ages ago and most of mine are nowhere near it) but I can see what you mean trying to find a niche.
Maybe get involved in some local group or something. Plan a block party or neighborhood garage sale? Something that does not revolve around dating/ weddings/kids.
Try the parks and rec department in your town, they may have some adult sports leagues that would be a fun way for you and your husband to meet other adult people (whether married/parents or not)
Best of luck!
Post # 4
Our neighborhood is the same way, we were pretty fortunate with our neighbors that moved in across the street, although they have kids our age we enjoy hanging out with them more than anyone else. It has its advantages too, we always have someone who would drop everything for us if there was an emergency. Since we live hundreds/thousands of miles away from our parents, our children won’t have grandparents around and we won’t have anyone to help. Our neighbors across the street will though. We have kids on our street ranging in age from 2 months old to 19 years old. We have a 20 something bachelor, a couple of families that completely keep to themselves, a 40 something bachelor, and a couple my age that have been married for 3 years and don’t plan on having kids anytime soon. We’ll probably be TTC in the next couple of months and I think that couple will be shunning us lol, they were so grateful to have someone move in that had no kids I think they’ll be very disappointed when we do. We even have the police chief and his wife and kids living on our street.
We got to know one set of neighbors and she and I threw a block party for Memorial Day, we hand delivered the invitations so we got to meet a lot of people in person and chat with them, and people that we didn’t get to meet came to our party. Then we had a housewarming party and word had spread about the block party and how great it was so we had an even better turn out for our housewarming party. We’ll be hosting a Halloween party next month and I’m expecting it to be even bigger.
Just because they aren’t your age, aren’t newlyweds, or already have kids it doesn’t mean you can’t be close with them. Some of those older people party just as hard as we do. Seriously, you should see the pictures from our housewarming party with the 40 year olds and their grown daughters doing the wobble dance in my living room lol. If you just open yourself up and spend time with the people in your neighborhood you’ll see you have a lot more in common than you think.
Post # 5
I think it’s awesome that you want to connect with people in the area…. I do think it’s hard to connect with new couples in a similar life stage. Do you and Darling Husband share any hobbies that might lend to meeting couples? Or do they have meetup groups in your area?
I find myself a tad jealous at the friends my mom-friends meet at kid play-dates, etc – seems like the connection is so much easier when you have kids in tow. But, I’m sure they look at me and wish they had all the down time with DH!
Just keep busy and active in different social settings and something should ‘click’!
Personally, I find it difficult to find couple friends to hang out with – where we both enjoy each side of the couple. Most of our friends are from when we were single or they were single and we tend to prefer one part of the couple over the other…
Post # 6
We’re pretty much in the same place. All of the friends I’ve made since starting working (and moving away or friends moving away) either already have kids, and not just little ones, some teenagers, or they’re all pregnant or just had babies. We’re probably not even starting to TTC for another year. All of our neighbors are either a lot older than us, have a bunch of kids, or are renters that are usually gone in less than a year. So we have kind of lost our group over the years. My friends with babies are hanging out together with the assumption I wouldn’t want to do anything with them since it’s all kid/baby stuff. So yeah, I’m finding it hard to find and connect with other couples in a similar place in life.
Post # 7
Yeah, kind of. I’ve been mostly lucky that with my friends in academia (I’m in grad school now) no one is really focused on having kids rightnow, although they aren’t married either and have long-term relationships they’re working out. For now, none are engaged and none are kid-having and we feel like we’re on pretty even ground. I’m sure that will change as they start getting married – a few have already expressed baby fever, which I totally don’t get in a 5 year graduate program lol.
I find myself a little frustrated that everyone in our “stage” is already looking forward to the next stage – I feel like we’re the only people content where we are at. I hope you have good luck finding people to connect with! Maybe try a MeetUp group or something extracurricular where newlyweds hang out?
Post # 8
Can you hang out with the people who are expecting? Might be fun to get some girl time in now, before they have babies, and afterwards you can get some hand me downs 🙂
I feel the same way, it feels weird to hang out with couples our age because most have kids, and I don’t mind being around their kids, but they seem to think they are imposing by inviting us.
Post # 9
Fiance and I are in a similar situation, except we’re the youngest couple on the block and the majority of our friends live out of the state! But we are the only ones on our street that aren’t retired.
Post # 10
Oh, I definitely hear you! My husband and I are in almost the same boat. Everyone on our street either has young children or is an older couple. We have not felt very welcomed on the block, and we think it’s because we don’t have any kids. Not to say people don’t like us, but I think it’s much easier for those with kids to make friends with other people with kids. I was actually pretty bummed about the lack of friendliness at first; even with our next-door neighbors we had to go over and introduce ourselves!
I unfortunately do not have a whole lot of advice, becaue I haven’t figured out how to make friends either! I do know that ever since we started walking around our neighborhood nightly, people have started waving to us more, and we exchange pleasantries with those we see often on our walks. Maybe that would help?
Post # 11
Thanks for all of your replies! I’m glad to know that it’s not just us feeling way. To clarify, it’s not that we don’t think we’ll have anything in common with people in different life phases, I’m moreso suggesting that it seems harder to connect with people when you don’t have an obvious common ground (I.e. Expecting, have kids the same age, etc,).
We are involved in a lot of activities an have lots of family and friends living nearby, but are still finding it difficult to meet people in our actual neighborhood.
As to the suggestion for girl time with those that are expecting, yes, we do hang out, but the
conversation always focuses in baby-this, baby-that. I mean, I’m so so so excited for your baby to
arrive, but there are other things going on in the world that would be nice to discuss besides baby-
makin. Lol. But I get it, when there are several ppl in the same room that are expecting, it’s natural
to want to talk about it.
@MrsWrangler – I get it. I’m also a little overwhelmed at the fact that everyone seems to have baby fever and are not really content to enjoy time as newlyweds, too.
Oh well…time to go for a walk and meet some neighbors!
Post # 12
@dramabean this is it, exactly. Glad to know it’s not just us! Thank you for sharing!
Post # 13
@Happy2bMrs: No prob, I’m glad as well that it isn’t just us lol! I’m just trying to keep all this in mind for when I DO have kids… I will make such an extra effort to be friendly to any kid-free couples that move in lol! 🙂