Post # 1
So we already live together in an apartment. We have a microwave, blender, awesome cushy couch, a 50″ flat screen, matching dishware, etc etc. In other words we’re doing well on our own and are not in desperate need of anything. Therefore we never thought of doing a registry because we thought it’d be tacky to ask for stuff. However, his friends and family are demanding to see a registry.
He’s Hispanic, I’m Korean and for the most part Koreans don’t do registries because “that’s what white people do” haha! Ok well that and also we traditionally give a bunch of money. And when I brought up the idea of a registry to my mom she laughed and said we’re too old for one (we’re both 32) and already have everything so a registry will be embarrassing. So I have no personal experience with one and I feel so awkward even starting one online but my guy says I have to since so many people are waiting to see it. My coordinator suggested using HoneyFund where you can request things like funding for a down payment on a home, your honeymoon, or whatever else. Ok I’m down with this, I’d much rather receive money that we can put towards a house and not appliances.
However even this seems kind of tacky. I don’t know, maybe I’m just not used to blatantly asking people to give us things. I’m so weirded out by this whole registry thing that I only have 6 items listed and I tried to make it humorous I guess to soften the blow of our audacity. I listed things like help with down payment, honeymoon funds, help with my guy’s last year of college tuition, and for laughs lottery tickets.
If you saw this kind of registry would you get ticked off since it’s mostly asking for money?
Would you prefer to see more tangible items?
If there was no registry and you’re used to getting a gift off of one, what would you do instead?
For those of you that don’t really need anything what do your registries look like?
Most importantly, would you actually get us the lottery tickets???
Post # 3
@TheyCallMeMrsC: People are asking to see your registry because they want to buy you tangible gifts. My family is Mexican and we always have registries and no one EVER does a Honeyfund. I don’t think you need a Honeyfund, anyway, since your Korean family will just give you cash. The Mexicans will seriously just go pick something out for you at Bed Bath & Beyond if you don’t give them some guidance!!
You don’t need to register for appliences. Do you need some pretty new pillows for that couch? Eventually you’ll need new sheets for the bed. New bath towels. New kitchen towels. Those things get worn out over the course of your life.
Do you have all the serving wear you’ll ever need should you move to a house & want to entertain? Do you want an area rug? What about a new set of dishes that all match? New, fancy knives? Do you camp, bike, throw pottery together? You could register for that too!
Post # 4
Your Koren family will give you cash as normal. Your FI’s family would like to buy you actual tangible gifts. For many people, giving cash, in whatever form, is too cold.
Consider this – is there anything you can upgrade? (microwave etc). How old as your items? Could you now start to plan for the 7 year itch? (the time when things start to fall apart all at once and the financal strain puts pressure on the relationship. Therefore buy backups of items now helps to lesson the blow when the time comes).
How old is your linen? Could it use updating in the next few years? Could you store away the really nice towels and sheets until you need them? What about knives? Are yours of good quality?
What about a nice camera or video camera? Seems a bit odd but it’s something to use to capture your happy marriage memories and not everyone has one.
Post # 5
I went through some of the same thoughts you are describing. My future husband and I are in our 30s, professionals, and we have all the “house stuff” we could need (and we would just go buy it if we needed something), but we did not want to ask (or even vaguely hint) for cash.
I went around for a while saying I was not going to do a registry at all. Eventually I came around when I read that it is more for the guests (so that they don’t have to spend endless hours trying to think of something you might want). I ended up creating a registry full of nice things I would use that I think are beautiful. The registry is not big and there are far fewer items on it than there will be guests at the wedding. I still feel glad it’s there, for those who want to buy from it. I’d say just pick some beautiful things that you would love to have and then put it out of your mind 🙂
Post # 6
If people are asking about your registry they want to purchase you tangible gifts, not give you cash.
We struggled with our registry too and ended up running out of items. We asked for really nice towels, sheets, pots and pans and knives. We already had all these things but they were all from college and mostly second hand. Other ideas were decoration items, dishes to use outdoors (I hate using breakable items outside), tools for Darling Husband and cook books.
Post # 7
If you plan on having a shower, a registry is probably a good idea since most guests bring gifts to this type of occassion.
While I think most people will give us money as a wedding gift, I know that some family members prefer to give gifts so a registry was important to us. (We hope that a registry will also prevent receiving gifts that we really do not like or need).
I would view a registry as the opportunity to replace old/worn out items or upgrade items that you already have. You could also register for decorative items for the home such as pillows, vases, picture frames, etc. New sheets with a matching comforter is always nice to have as are new towels.
I am not a huge fan of the Honeyfund…. put that is just me….. We have friends that are doing them……..
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Agree with PPs that mentioned those who asked for a registry most likely want to give you tangible items. For some reason honeyfunds rub me the wrong way, but to each his own. Like others said, this would be a good time to upgrade items/get replacements for down the road
Post # 9
@mixtaperomance: I’m not really a fan of the honeyfund either. And I do think that it’s kind of tacky to register for people to pay off your fiancé’s tuition. That would definitely rub me the wrong way if I saw that.
Like others said, I would get tangible gifts for your registery. Maybe a nice set of high thread count sheets or some nice decorative items that you wouldn’t normally buy yourself, stuff like that. If people are asking for one, then they want to see tangible items not stuff that you want them to donate towards.
Post # 10
Regarding the humorous nature of your current list, as one who does not know the backstory, I would be horrified. It really can very easily rub people the wrong way 🙁
Post # 11
We struggled with the registry. I didnt think we would as we were quite happy to have one. But finding things to put on it that didnt feel like a waste of money was really tricky.
What we would really like is cash, to help us pay for some of the bigger things we will need when we move into our new house (wardrobes, furniture, curtains etc.)
In the end we have a registry with china, cutlery and glasses on it. Because we would love to have a keep forever dinner service that we can get out on special occasions and if people want to buy us a gift then they can contribute to that.
What we have found is that lots of people so far have written us cheques. Anyone who wants to give you money will, anyone who wants to give you a gift will do that. Can you think of ANYTHING you may want, as keepsakes that can go on the registry?
Post # 12
Thank you all for your wonderful and VERY helpful feedback, I greatly appreciate it!