Student loans. Are they an engagement factor??

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Is student loan debt a factor in your engagement/marriage?
    Yes, I/him/we would like to get it paid off before we are engaged. : (7 votes)
    7 %
    No, I/him/we will never be done paying & won't let that stop us! : (76 votes)
    79 %
    Other (PLEASE EXPLAIN) : (13 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 2
    767 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    HesworththeWait:  lol in my case I may be like 30+ when I get married and that isn’t happening cause we are wanting kids young. 

    Post # 3
    21 posts

    Definitely not a facotr for my FI and I! We both have student loans. My loan is smaller than his but if I had to wait on him to pay his off that wouldn’t be for another 10 years, so I would be in my mid to late 30s before I got married, and honestly I am not willing to wait that long. Luckily, we both have jobs and are able to budget paying our loans, saving, and paying other bills. I can see why some people want to wait till they get student loans out of the way though.

    Post # 4
    1990 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Not a factor what-so-ever. It just doesn’t seem logical to me, tbh. If your fiance is a responsible person, what’s the problem? You have to invest in your future in one way or another, that’s just the way it goes.

    That said, my fiance just paid his off a few months ago, and I’m putting in every dollar I can spare into getting it off my back.

    Post # 5
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    HesworththeWait:  Personally, I think that student loans would be a ridiculous reason to NOT get engaged- if an engagement if what you both want.

    You will likely have numerous other types of debt as a couple throughout the years- mortgages, car payments, children’s schooling (which may not be a loan, per se, but larger bills), various credit card payments.

    The only thing that matters- is that the two people who have the debt are on the same page in terms of how to pay it. 

    Post # 6
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Iwould love to pay mine off, but it is still a long ways from being paid off. I’d be to old for children and things like that if we waited until it was paid off. I am glad that isn’t a stipulation for us!

    Post # 7
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    My fiancé and I are not taking student loans into consideration. If that were the case we would never get married. I am currently an undergrad perusing my bachelors degree and have plently of student loans to pay off. But he know that and we will work together once we are married.

    Post # 8
    9859 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    HesworththeWait:  it was sort of a factor.  I graduated my first degree in 2005.  DH in 2006.  I graduated debt free in 4 years.  He graduated with loans out the wazoo taking 6.5 years to do a 4.5 year degree (don’t get me started).

    His student loan payment is disgusting.  It’s more than our car payment and insurance combined. 

    I went back to school in 2008 and graduated in 2012.  I have some loans but nothing compared to his.

    We were together for 8.5 years when he proposed.  I had been out of school (the second time) for about 9 months.  Me having a full time job and us being in a good financial state (ish) was important to him before he put a ring on my finger.  He knows that a lot of our debt is really his, but we’re partners and amazingly his loans will be paid off this year (YAY!!!)

    Post # 9
    6448 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I voted no but it wasn’t because I would ‘never be done paying.’ We had mine paid off in a year and a half but we just decided that they weren’t going to affect our relationship because we were on the same page about how to quickly pay them off.

    If someone has irresponsible and they were still incurring it than that would likely stop an engagement for me, however, that would not be because they have debt but rather because we would clearly not be on the same page about budgeting.

    Post # 10
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    HesworththeWait:  Took me 10 years to pay off my student loans. Not a factor at all.

    Post # 11
    3623 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    HesworththeWait:  mine was. DH didn’t want to pay them off. It wasn’t fair for him to pay my loans when he went to school debt free (I maintain I would be debt free too if my parents paid).

    Because I’m in the public service loan forgiveness program, paying them off early made no sense. It was hard for him, but he got over it. But it delayed the engagement and almost ended the relationship.

    I think this is a big deal when you come in having vastly different financial states. I made half as much as DH, had some credit card debt, car loan, private student loans, and federal student loans. I had everything but the federal loan paid off before we got engaged. 

    Post # 12
    3504 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Not a factor at all. I think it’s a silly reason to wait if you want to get engaged. As long as you are making the payments and still getting by financially, I don’t see it as a problem. 

    Post # 13
    988 posts
    Busy bee


    HesworththeWait:  It was a factor for him, but not for me. My situation is very much like MsGinkgo:  (seriously, I read your post and was like…that’s me!!!)

    I completed my undergrad on a full-ride academic scholarship, then immediately started a master’s program and worked my butt off so I didn’t have to take out any student loans. I graduated with my second degree almost exactly a year ago and am incredibly proud to be debt-free. FI’s college journey was not the same. He started, then dropped out of a community college before going to the state school where we met. School didn’t come easy for him and he had a really hard time going to school and working at the same time, so after a couple years of having to repeat classes and whatnot, he fully committed to school…which meant he took out the max in student loans and used them to pay for both tuition and all living expenses for a full three years. Thankfully, he moved in with me the summer before last and has only had to take out the minimum since we can both live on my salary. His student loan debt is crazy, especially given that we didn’t attend an expensive university.

    Although we knew we were going to get married, he was really concerned about how his student debt would affect me. I had to convince him that I love him…debt and all! And for what it’s worth, we’ve agreed to pay that debt down FAST as soon as he graduates and finds full-time employment. We figure that if the two of us can live on one income while he finishes school, we can continue to live on one income (and use almost all of his to pay off loans) until he’s debt-free, too!

    Post # 14
    2007 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    HesworththeWait:  Ha fortunately for me, no. Back when DH and I were still dating, a friend of mine (who legit thought she was psychic) told me that he wouldn’t propose until all of my student loan debt was paid off. Lucky for me, she’s a shitty psychic!

    I don’t have tons (it’s under $15,000 now), but it’s still a pain to write those checks every month. Now we work together to pay them off. When DH has a good month at work (he works on commission), he’ll pay our full mortgage and tell me to put my half toward my loans, since we haven’t combined our finances yet. They should be gone in 2 years or less, at which time I’ll be throwing a party to celebrate. 

    Post # 15
    5769 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    To me, it depends. I would not get engaged to or marry someone who was struggling with crippling debt and didn’t have any hope of ever getting out from under the debt (with the obvious exception being if someone had massive unexpected medical bills) because certain levels of debt show that the person is not making smart financial choices, and I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is foolish with money. $150k in bills for law school would be no problem if my partner was career-driven and motivated; their potential future earnings would likely make that a manageable debt. $50k in bills for a degree in a low-paying, low-demand field and a partner who is not motivated would make me think twice.

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