Post # 1
lol ok I’m sure I’ll be flamed or made fun of, but this was the only place I could go- I tried posting on diet/bodybuilding boards I go to, and mostly it was all men and they assumed I was a troll. I would talk to my friends or family but they always yell at me or laugh at me when I do this. So yeah, bad idea!
Anyway, I’m having an anxiety attack, which I’m prone to anyway, but this time it’s about my hips. I was a little annoyed about them yesterday but today it went into full swing. They are SO narrow. I have a good butt, so my measurements make me sound curvy. But all my “butt weight” is from the side- nothing from the front. I have decent boobs, but if I didn’t, I’d look like a boy. I have bigger hips (but still not as big as I want) when I don’t work out but then I get cellulite and my ass looks bad. I know I shoudl just care about being healthy, but for some reason I’m getting obsessed with this today.
My boyfriend claims he actually prefers my body type but numerous studies have proven that men prefer wider hips for scientific, innate reasons, so he can’t possibly be honest about this. He’s probably just trying to be nice. It makes me sad to think he “settled” for me because girls with more desirable hips just weren’t nice/smart enough, whatever. I know he’d prefer a woman with bigger hips but has settled to suffer with me.
I dont’ even know how he has sex with me or enjoys being around me. I love him so much and I feel like he can’t possibly love me with these awful hips. So many women wish they had smaller hips and I just don’t see why anyone would wish that on themselves or want to be less feminine. i feel like if my boyfriend ever dumped me, no man would even come close to me– or if he did, he would be settling or trying to ignore my awful hips.
I just feel like I hate myself right now. And I just hope I’m not alone in having these silly anxiety attacks. I almost want to leave work.
Post # 3
I don’t mean this with any sarcasm or distain. I really think you should talk to a professional about this.
Post # 4
@HappySky7: Not taking it personally- I do have a therapist but this popped up the week he’s on vacation lol
Post # 5
@pictureaccount: Augh I hate when they leave. It always seems like something comes up right when they do. Did he teach you any exercises to minimize anxiety? Like, My hips are fine, this is just my brain being a jerk… I know my husband loves me the way I am. I can trust him and believe him. Sit there and think about the things you like about yourself or distract yourself and go do something and avoid thinking about your body at all for a while
Post # 6
@HappySky7: Thanks 🙂 Actually, I recorded it in an “anxiety tracker” and magically I seem to feel better. Until next time, I guess! lol
Post # 7
@pictureaccount: “My boyfriend claims he actually prefers my body type but numerous studies have proven that men prefer wider hips for scientific, innate reasons, so he can’t possibly be honest about this.”
Statistical conclusions usually report the average, not ALL possible scenarios. You’re being super paranoid. Guys, for the most part, are pretty black and white on attraction: they are either attracted to you or they aren’t. He is obviously attracted to you!
You are wasting valuable emotional energy stopping your life and productivity over something that most likely, LITERALLY nobody has ever thought about you, or noticed.
Take all that energy and go do something important and positive instead!
Post # 8
@crayfish: well said. OP, I too have no hips AND no ass! Fortunately, my DH is attracted to tall lean, athletic types. With the exception of one, all his exes are of similar build. And even if they weren’t I wouldn’t care bc I see in his eyes how attracted to me he is. I’m well aware of the proven overall biological attraction to wider hips and I admit when I first read an article on that I was a little pouty about it. I also know my DH is also attracted to wider hips and fuller butts to a certain extent. He’s allowed to appreciate different types of women. In fact, I think it’s a good thing bc he’s not so narrow minded. Sometimes I’m astounded at the variation of celebrities he thinks are hot, from the typical Natalie Portman and Halle Berry to Tilda Swinton and towering Olympic volleyball players. Confidence, intelligence and talent are always sexy!
I’m not saying I don’t understand your POV to a certain extent. Sometimes I wonder if he’d prefer to be with a small petite girl he can fit in his pocket. But, 99% of the time, these negative thoughts don’t even register. I hope you can get there too with some therapy given your anxiety condition.
Post # 9
@sept22insf: Thanks 🙂 good to hear someone who’s read those articles and had the same reaction. When SO is being completely candid, he will say his first physical priority is that a girl is thin, and his second physical priority is that a girl has a good butt. He said waist/hip curvature never factored into it- which seems odd to me becuase I thought that was a guarantee with men!
My anxiety attack has calmed down now but now I just feel so ridiculous- I’m glad I didn’t tell anyone in real life about this. lol
Post # 10
Your boyfriend is not lying to you. No man will pretend to be attracted to a woman when they aren’t. If he says he is attracted to you and he and he wants to have sex with you….he is attracted to you. Men aren’t that complicated, they say what they mean.
Definitely work with your therapist towards accepting your body and yourself the way you are. There is nothing wrong with you!
Post # 11
Men don’t lie and say they’re attracted to women if they’re not. Why would he waste his time with someone he’s not attracted to? It doesn’t make sense. So clearly he’s attracted to you!
Post # 12
@pictureaccount: The hips don’t lie. If he says he loves you, he loves you.
Let’s say he actually hated your hips. That’s only one feature… so who cares?
If you continue being this silly over your body, he will think something is wrong with you and leave. I don’t mean that in a nasty way. We all have parts of our body that we don’t like. It doesn’t warrant an anxiety attack, though.
Surely you’re not this critical over his appearance.. why would he be critical over yours? You sound like you have a nice figure. Not too skinny, not too fat. I guess no one is happy with what they’ve got.
Post # 13
@pictureaccount: Trust your guy, he’s telling the truth. I have the exact opposite problem, I’m all hips and butt – I like to tease that I’m part Kardashian. I seriously lost 30 lbs and only went down 1 pant size due to my hips and butt. I recently had a panic attack while picking out outfits for our engagement photos and had to rush out of the mall, it was horrible. I have to say that I certainly have some body issues but I’m working towards accepting and loving my body. I used to think FI was lying about him liking my butt, my hips and all the things I saw as flaws but now I trust him and know he genuinely just loves me, all of me.
Post # 14
Those kind of studies on men’s preferences are referring to an average preference of the whole sample, it doesn’t mean that no one could possibly like something else! Everyone has their own individual tastes, and your boyfriend’s is obviously for you!
Post # 15
I have been hating my body (i want to lose 15 lbs and have yet to do it)
I did a boudoir shoot for my FI…for his wedding gift…
My photographer made me look so FREAKING HOT that I have NO body issues right now….I was amazing! and any good photographer should be able to do this…
I would definitely look into it….it REALLY helped my self esteen and to love my body
Post # 16
This strikes me as a possible symptom of body dysmorphic disorder – I know many sufferers end up fixating on one particular feature. You believe your hips to be flawed. The rest of the world, not having your hips, answers, “Lol wut?”
Sure, on average, most men like (x) or they like (y). That doesn’t mean that variation does not exist.
All right, kids. It’s story time again.
I once joined a community of folks who were either fat or fat admirers to see how it worked. There were men there who found the gold standard of beauty to be women who were slightly to moderately overweight. Others liked a woman with a bit more padding. And still others thought the perfect woman, in terms of physical appearance, had to be pushing 300 pounds. I ended up speaking to several folks in the month or two I lingered, and I learned a great deal about sexual attraction.
I don’t think those people were weird or abnormal at all. I think they were men who found someone attractive even if the rest of society saw it as unconventional, or if it wasn’t currently ‘in.’ These were men who were shamed and cajoled into hiding their physical interests.
I don’t believe for one minute that just because studies suggest that the population tends to prefer certain traits that all men do. Hell, most of the women here probably couldn’t even agree on what they find attractive. I married a short man – 5’6″, shorter than I am – and I find it an attractive trait. I find being too tall a turn-off – I can’t imagine myself being with a six footer. I know I’m not foolin’ myself, no matter what a study says.
Different body types have been in vogue throughout time. The rubenesque Lillian Russell was around 200 pounds at the turn of the 20th century, and she was considered a knockout in her day. Fast forward about 80 years and it’s Twiggy who is turning heads.