(Closed) Stupid bickering :( LONG.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

It is normal to start bickering just before the wedding. The stress seems to get worse the closer you are to the wedding. I am concerned though. If he was a police officer in another state, why can’t he get a job doing the same thing where you are now? His unwillingness to go out and get a job; any job, is a red flag to me. It is hard enough for one person to survive on one income these day; let alone two. If I were you, I would be questioning him as to why he hasn’t been seriously looking for work. It seems to me that he is taking you for granted.

Post # 4
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all of this!! :/

Maybe I’m being awful, but I couldn’t handle being with someone who isn’t making an effort to find a job. My SO works hard and doesn’t make much more than minimum wage, but he works late nights and is always there 40 hours a week. I am a person who really values contributing to the family unit (whether it be financial, or otherwise .. if he doesn’t have a job, he should be the primary house caretaker, all dishes, laundry, etc etc). Is he helping around the house more since he’s unemployed? That would be a huge thing for me.

I really think things would turn around for you if he were to get a job! I know it’s easier said than done, especially with the state of the union right now being so crappy. I don’t know much else about your relationship, but if this is the only problem you have I don’t think you should be concerned for the “big picture”, as long as you KNOW he’ll have a job in the future.

Also — wedding planning stresses everyone out! I seriously hate how men can be so uninterested sometimes. I found that sometimes it’s just easier to leave my boy out of the whole process, lol.

As far as the party thing, yes I too would have been pretty upset had he not consulted me before changing plans. However, I am a big control freak and my SO knows that 😉  Can the GMs not have 2 parties?? Then you can all have 2 parties!

 

Post # 5
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with @noritake22: bickering = normal, FI being lazy and not looking for a job = red flag. What if he just keeps up his routine for months or even years? 

Post # 7
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

On the one hand, after all the wedding stress has subside when it is over, it may be easier for you.. but thenagain there could be new stressors that pop up. I wouldn’t count on it magically getting better after the wedding. It seems he is being pretty dismissive about your wedding and insensitive about how much it means to you. If that continues, it is going to be tough. 🙁

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