Stupid vanity issue, but FI hurt my feelings!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsPhilly:  Your man is an idiot. I’m so sorry. I am sure he does think you’re beautiful. For instance, I will sometimes just stare at SO’s face because he is so handsome to me. At the same time, I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and, for example, Angelina Jolie wouldn’t look twice at him.

 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

You feel how you feel. You shouldn’t apologize for that. But it does sound a little hypersensitive. I have noticed that some people (guys specifically) can be extrememly realistic to the point of being insensitive. Sounds like something my husband would say (and I am gorgeous. LOL.) He probably didn’t mean any harm, but was answering you truthfully. Am I beautiful? Absolutely! Would David Beckham think I am the most gorgeous woman on the planet? Who knows? Probably not! 

 

Cheer up 🙂 He was probably having a dumb guy moment. 

 

Post # 7
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@MrsPhilly:  I hope no one flames you! I think your FI probably just didn’t think about what a loaded question it was, or how bad it would sound to you. I can understand wanting to think your FI thinks you’re beautiful!! I think almost everyone would want that.

Post # 8
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@MrsPhilly:  Maybe when you are feeling a little less emotional bring it up casually. Let him know it makes you feel bad and why. That should help. Some people (myself included) just don’t realize how hurtful being blunt can be. 

Post # 9
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MrsPhilly:  yikes! thats a seriously dickish thing to say. especially twice. i’d be really hurt. but then in the next few days, when he least expects it, i’d probably work ‘well…you’re big enough/smart enough/rich enough….for ME anyways’ into the conversation 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@MrsPhilly:  What if you made a list of things he’s said that you found hurtful, with brief explanations of what YOU hear when he says them, and presented it to him? I think a lot of the time guys are just kind of clueless about stuff like that and maybe if you gave him more info he would be able to keep himself from repeating past mistakes.

Post # 11
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

Like PPs have said, it sounds to me like a “dumb guy” moment and nothing to get too concerned over. From your post though, it sounds like you’re feeling pretty insecure lately, so I think it’s worth it to discuss your feelings with him. We all want to feel wanted by our SO’s, so maybe just the suggestion that you need a little extra attention/support right now will do the trick?

Post # 12
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I totally know how you feel. The other day, I came home after weighing myself and told FI (somehwat jokingly) that I’m sorry he has to deal with me right now as I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I was expecting him to refute that but he just kinda nodded and shrugged. !!*@&$(*^#%. Thanks for the ego boost, honey. I stare at FI frequently and in my head I am just like “daaaaaaaammnnn”. I hope he does the same about me. *shrug* whatcha gonna do.

@missfroggy:  “I have noticed that some people (guys specifically) can be extrememly realistic to the point of being insensitive.” <— This. All of this. Guys don’t realize that what they are saying we are overanalyzing. 

Post # 13
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is one of those loaded questions people should never ask of their partner. It puts them in an impossible position- they have a choice to be honest and hurt your feelings, or lie.

Please don’t make a bigger deal out of this than it already is i.e no list of all the hurtful things he has ever said to you. There will not be a good result.

Post # 14
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My DH and I very much recognize that we’re average and couldn’t score models, and we’ve said so. Most people aren’t up to movie star standard, but who cares. Girl next door is just as pretty.

That said, your FI totally had a dumb guy moment and shouldn’t have said anything. Although you did insist, so I don’t blame him for making his point again. Just let the dogs lie and don’t pester him anymore. He said something dumb, like many people do. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you gorgeous. But I definitely understand it stings!

Post # 15
Member
3362 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

Except “realistically”, it doesn’t take amazing looks to catch a celebrity’s eye. A lot of celebrities are with women who are not traditionally or conventionally “gorgeous”, and they certainly have affairs with anyone and everyone. Victoria Beckham isn’t generally someone people would find “gorgeous”, yet she and David Beckham seem to have a happy marriage. It isn’t all about looks for most people.

I think this speaks more to your BF’s sensitivity level than him being “realistic”. He completely disregarded your feelings, and even the densest of the dense generally catch on that if someone brings something up repeatedly it is something that bothers them. I don’t have a solution, but he sure made himself look like an asshat in this situation.

Post # 16
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yikes. I would be hurt too.

I just asked DH what his response would be and he said, “well, men of the Night Watch can’t have wives anyway.” lol

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