Stupid worry… Buying a house away from Mom?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Haruyou:  It’s not stupid, especially if you enjoy living so close to her right now. But FI & I just bought a house halfway across the country from my entire family. I didn’t have to move with my FI – at least not right away – but I chose to. I have moments of guilt, but I know I made the right choice for me. Being away from family has been a good thing for me, and I’m so much more focused on my FI and our future as a team 🙂

Just keep in mind that it isn’t the same, but it’s a chance for growth for you and your FI, but you’ll still have plenty of opportunities to spend time with Mom. 

Post # 3
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

ok my entire post just got deleted so I’ll try to type a bit again.  you aren’t stupid at all for feeling this way and 20 min is not far at all so you will get used to it

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  MangoBreezy.
Post # 4
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I live about 20 minutes away from my mom and I see her weekly and still talk to her daily. You get used to it. It’s not so far that you won’t ever see her again

Post # 5
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Ok this is not working lol …..I’ll try again, I know how you feel because I moved 3.5 hrs away from my parents and it still makes me sad even though it’s been over a year. On the plus side 3.5 hrs is really not that far because I can drive up every weekend if I wanted to. You aren’t stupid for feeling this way but I think this change could turn out to be really positive in ways you don’t know yet  and you could see your mom every day if you wanted !

Post # 6
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Haruyou: why not buy the house next door? 20 – 30 minutes is shorter than the average commute, so if you’re really that attached, why not just have them over for dinner / go over for dinner each day?

Post # 7
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I had to move 6 hours away from my mom after getting married. I would kill for a 30 minute commute from her. 

You will get used to it. Besides, 20-30 minutes is nothing… You can go there every day and see her. 

Post # 8
Member
3530 posts
Sugar bee

Haruyou:  I used to live with my mom until I went to college.  It drove me nuts to be so close to my mother for a few years, but once I grew the fuck up and realized how important my mom is to me, I enjoyed being 15-20 minutes away, but being able to still be close to her.  I can see her everyday if I choose to (drive over), but we usually talk on the phone every day.  20-30 minutes away is not that far.  That’s very close for many people they live a lot further away from their parents.  My family actually lives about 20 hours away by drive.  I do miss them, but think in perspective, you’re still close enough to drive.

Post # 9
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Banquet hall

Twenty minutes isn’t so bad. I always thought I would be in the same village as my parents, but this economy has decimated my home county and in a few years I’m looking at the very real possibility of buying a house and raising children sixteen hours away from anyone I know, parents included.

Twenty minutes, to me, would be the perfect buffer zone to live from one’s parents. Little bit of privacy, not too far away. If there’s a house closer that could work out too though, and you and FI feel strongly, than don’t ignore that feeling. Also remember that a little privacy goes a long way when it’s your in-laws and not your parents, so make sure FI’s willing to take the plunge!

Post # 10
Member
2243 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Haruyou:  20-30 minutes is nothing!

Places I regularly drive 20 minutes to go to:

Whole Foods, Costco, and a pilates studio I like.

I’m sure a 20 minute drive will not hinder your ability to maintain your relationship with your family. The closest I have lived to my parents’ since I went to college, is an hour away. We currently live on opposite sides of the US. I still have a close relationship with my parents and love them dearly. I have trouble understanding what the fuss is about a very short drive.

Post # 12
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Haruyou:  it’s not stupid! Completely normal to feel sad and miss your mom. I used to live walking distance from my parents’ house and moved 40 minutes away because the commute to work was killing me. It doesn’t mean you will lose your connection! It just means you have to plan your quality time a little bit better. Now I go over for dinner every Sunday night, and once in a while my mom and I plan “girl dates” where we shop together or go for dinner and drinks and catch up.

Post # 13
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Its not bad to miss that closeness, but I think you will enjoy the relationship you will have with both her and your FI with the new house.   Having a bit of seperation from your mom will give you a better apprication of the time you spend together.  Living a bit further away with your FI will give room for your relationship to grow.  I’m not sure of your relationship, but the ones I have seen where the parents live that close is that it makes it easy to throw the parent into the relationship.  If you are having problems, living a block away from your mom gives you a very easy escape.  Living 20-30 minutes means that you have to make the decision to go there or work it out. 

Post # 14
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Haruyou:  I feel like I found my twin or something. I’m almost 24 and just recently moved 25ish minutes away from my parents (40+ during rush hour). I used to live less than 10 minutes away. This apartment is MUCH nicer but I constantly find myself missing my old apartment. I miss being able to drop by whenever I want, now it feels like I have to make a special trip to visit. I can totally sympathize with you, because I can’t wait until we start house hunting (Soon!! :)) and I’m thankful my SO is completely onboard with moving closer to them. My mom is my best friend and when I start popping out babies I want her to be able to stop by more easily, I want to be able to stop by her house and not have to worry about traffic and how long it’ll take me to get home. Luckily for you 20-30 minutes isn’t horrible, but I know it’ll be an adjustment for you.

Post # 15
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It is so not stupid.  I live 30 miles away from my parents and am really excited that fi and I are prob going to buy a house in the same town my parents live in. I talk to my mom several times a week and see her at least 2x a month. A house is a lot of work though, so there may be times you say “sorry mom, I have to mow the lawn, rake the leaves, do shizz at the house”…mine is usually laundy, vacuum dishes lol. You will see her less, but make sure you enjoy this awesome time with your hubby~buying a house is so exciting ! Good luck!

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