Post # 1
SO and I have been fighting a ton the past three months (mostly as a result of my anxiety and insecurities). I knew that things weren’t great but I saw it as growing pains that we would get through- we talk about marriage and were supposed to be moving in together in august when his lease was up. On Sunday night, after a huge blow up he came over to break up with me. I basically begged him out of it and told him that things would change. I am confident that the bickering can stop, but was not prepared for the heartbreak that I feel right now over him considering actually leaving me and giving up on us. He also said we are putting moving in on hold. He did tell me to look at this as a positive and that this will allow us to fix things. I want to believe this but am just hurting.
Any positive words from others that have been through this and successfully gotten over the hump? No negativity please as I can’t handle it right now 🙂
Post # 2
- Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park
Been there, ended up breaking up for good and then met my DH which was a great thing! Even if you do end up breaking up it doesn’t mean life is over, you’ll move on and meet someone else and be happy again.
I know its not what you wanted to hear but thats the best I can give you.
Post # 3
Sorry bee but i don’t have any positive experiences with this. Any time I’ve gotten close to ending a relationship…it has wound up eventually ending (though sometimes it takes awhile). And it has always been for the best, although it rarely seemed like it at the time.
If you’re really determined to make this work then I would suggest couples counseling. I do think your bf is very wise to put a hold on moving in together until you sort out your issues.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I don’t have experience in this specifically. But I wanted to add, are you in therapy to address these issues you say you have? They’re clearly interfering in your relationship, and coming up with some coping mechanisms would probably be really helpful. And not to be harsh, but your description of begging your bf to stay with you isn’t a super great reflection of good self-esteem and confidence. That’s something a therapist can help with too.
Good luck. Remember that moving in, engagement, and marriage do NOT fix these underlying issues! They just make them so much worse, really! It’s smart to try to address them before taking those next steps.
Post # 5
I asked for positive success stories……. thanks.
Post # 6
Aw sweetie 🙁 I know you are hurting. While working on fixing things can be very good, you have to be realistic and keep in mind that sometimes damage that comes from an almost breakup, the hurt and trust issues that come with it, can be really hard to reverse. I would encourage you to seek help for your anxiety and insecurities, and if you do decide to work on your relationship with him, explain how they make you feel and discuss how he can best support you, if he is willing.
I had a similar experience to the previous poster. My ex and I constantly fought, for similar reasons that you describe. We did end things and I found a man who is very supportive of me and has helped much of my anxiety and insecurity almost disappear. I’m not saying that you can’t “fix” things with this man that you love. Just please keep in mind there are many roads to happiness, and staying in a relationship after a “close call” is not always the best way to find your happiness.
Good luck, love. I know how hard this can be.
Post # 7
So my story is a bit complicated. My fiance and I used to fight quite a bit. I am a planner, not having a goal or something to work for makes me feel unsettled. He doesn’t plan things that far in advance. In fact, change is very hard for him sometimes (he is on the spectrum). I knew that I wanted marriage and kids at some point, and he couldn’t imagine ever having those things in his future. We almost broke up over it a good dozen times. But I couldn’t stop talking to him, and he didn’t want to give up on me either. In every other area we were and are super compatible. We work in the same field, have the same hobbies, we’re even almost exactly the same height (not that it matters, we just like it)! Finally he realized he likes his life a lot better with me in it, and that although those things scare him (me too!) he is willing to take those risks with me. Fighting is bad, no one enjoys it. But if you are committed to being a team and working through them they can strengthen your relationship. After a hard week, my then boyfriend suggested a conference on healthy conflict in relationships. It helped us and showed how committed we both are to making this work, no matter what. We are a much better team for it. We still have a few arguments here and there, but nothing like we used to. And we always work then out as a team, finding a solution where neither of us feels like we won or lost. It’s possible to overcome relationship turbulence, but it takes both parties working at it.
Post # 8
I think this is a really hard situation. My ex bf and I went through something similar– when I was ready to get engaged he brought up concerns and doubts that he had not previously mentioned. We did not break up at the time (we stayed together about 6 more months), but after that conversation I felt even more insecure and on edge– like I was auditioning or on probation. I think you can definitely overcome the rough patch– and I would definitely sugest couples counseling and I wish we had gone– but it will help a lot if you and your boyfriend can apporach it as a team so it doesnt feel like the burden is on you to make changes in order for him to move forward.
Post # 9
Hey Girl heres my story,
My SO and I called off our engagement about three months ago because of some serious issues in our relationship that we wanted to get resolved before marriage. We took about two weeks apart to think about things before seeing each other again. We love each other dearly, but we didn’t want the stress of an upcoming wedding to create more pressure to have us fixed right now. It was very hard but we are doing great now. Things like this happen! I have been in your boyfriends shoes. My fiance had some issues that I didn’t know how to hadndle, but stepping back from big life choices (like you guys are) has given us room to figure us out.
Post # 10
elzee : I had several “amost break ups” in the 10 years I dated my husband before getting engaged. We are a million times stronger now than we there then. We had growing to do, and luckily for us we chose to do it together. It is certainly possible for your relationship to improve. Sounds like he cares about you. Try therapy for yourself during this period of working on the issues, which will not only help you but show him you’re serious about making your life and relationship better.
Post # 11
elzee : Hey bee, I know this feeling well but I do have a success story for you! My husband and I were together for 5 years and then broke up. I told him I wanted to move on with life and we began seeing other people and he had a son. We were broken up for about a year when we realized we loved eachother and wanted to be back together. We got back together, got engaged about a year later and got married 5 months after that. We’ve been married now for 2 years. If it’s meant to be you 2 will work it out…I truly beleive that! Good luck!
Post # 12
My SO and I met in 2004 shortly after my ex-husband left me for another women. I thought my SO would be my rebound guy but he turned out to be my true love. I was very untrusting of men at the time and after 4 years together, I wanted to get married. He always had a reason why we couldn’t marry & the more he brushed marriage off, the more insecure I became. Fast forward to 2011, we got into a huge fight over something minor which lead me feeling more insecure. We both said things that hurt each other to the core & in our anger fueled with a few drinks, he said he was done with me. He wouldn’t return my calls for a week and I finally stopped reaching out to him and we didn’t talk for 3 months. I was heartbroken but finally decided I needed to get therapy to work on my issues of insecurity. One day he called to ask me a question and we had a pleasant conversation. I told him that I was in therapy & asked him if he’d go with me to a therapy session to help me resolve issues with our sudden break-up. He agreed and we decided to go to dinner that night and talk. Since that night, we’ve been together. We didn’t get back together right away but we started over, went to therapy, learned how to communicate and are very happy today! We will be celebrating our 13 year together in Sept. No, we still aren’t married and the reason why is because I no longer feel the need to get married. In December he bought me an engagement ring but I asked if we could call it a commitment ring and we was OK with it. We will eventually marry but right now, we’re both happy and content. My advice to you would be, Don’t over think everything your boyfriend says, Don’t expect things to go back to normal right away and see a counselor who can offer advice to you. Hang in there, my friend.
*try to ignore rude comments that some people post on this site. I orginally came to this site after googling a question regarding my ring and found pictures and topics that I was interested in. Some people feel since my screen name sounds anti marriage that I shouldn’t be on here & I really don’t care because there’s people like you that reach out for information other than wedding advice.
Post # 13
elzee : I have a positive success story, I don’t really want to get into all the details, but let’s just say it’s very similar to yours, and now we’re married.
I didn’t convince him to move in or get married, he wanted all of those steps, but when times were hard, I was the one convincing him to stay together.
I always pushed for us to improve, to grow together, and we did. We have grown a lot, both together, and individually. While I know I’ve put a lot of effort into improving some of my flaws, and he’s done the same, we are still essentially the same people. We still have the same weaknesses in our relationship, and now marriage. Sure, the weaknesses are more manageable now, and less of a problem. But another thing that still exists, is a slight insecurity, that during the next big fight, he could pull the rug out from under me and say he’s not in it anymore. That in turn makes me want to protect myself during conflicts. So we do everything we can to not have big fights, or long periods of bickering. We have to put effort in every single day to be respectful while handling conflicts. It’s a constant effort. To be honest, I’m not sure this is exactly how it’s supposed to be. Do I love him? YES. I’m happy we’ve worked through our past, but I do wonder from time to time if I pushed too much for us to stay together, and what would have happened if I just let it go.
Listen to your heart. I’m a firm believer in no regrets, and dropping your ego when it comes to love. You just need to know that there are literally billions of men out there, but your time is limited. Make sure you’re happy with the problems, and possible insecurities that might come with staying together.
Post # 14
Hey bee. Me and my DH broke up for a week when we were together 6 months because we thought we were in different places (he wanted to buy a house I wasn’t ready I was 22) and we were fighting a lot so we broke up. A week later he went to a gig without me realised what a mistake he was making and came back and we made up. We’ve now been married 2 years and are expecting our first baby. That was a very short version of the story but we basically needed a little bit of space and to compromise. Good luck, maybe a break is what you need (not to be with other people tho) xxx
Post # 15
My DH and I broke up for a few weeks after being together a year. I kicked him out and he changed his ways after begging to come back. Three years later we’re happily married, built a new home and have a beautiful eight month old baby boy.