(Closed) I don’t know what to do anymore

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh no, (((sending you many hugs))) I’m so sorry. I lost my dad a few years ago, so I know how hard it is… and my mom also had to put our dog down who was 17 a few months ago so I can relate on that level as well. There is nothing anyone can say or do to make it any better, but please remember to take care of yourself and know that you will be Ok. Do you have family or close friends nearby that you can be with? I lived in Portland for many years, take some time (if you need to) and maybe take a trip to the coast, or go into the woods and be with the big trees. There is something about being out in nature that soothes the soul… You and your family are in my prayers. Hang in there honey!

Post # 4
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House

((((Big Bee Hugs))))

Take a deep breath and try to relax.  It’s good to see that you’re able to focus on what you DO have, though I know it doesn’t make difficult relationship or the loss of loved ones/pets any easier!  

Post # 5
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m so sorry! ((HUGS)) I just recently lost my favorite aunt too and a friendship where the girl was actually to have been one of my bridesmaids but then found out she was really a frenemy. It does feel like an awful lot and it is. I know there’s a million things you are feeling right now.

I won’t say things will get better, but they will get easier a little at a time and  I can say some good did come out of my situation. The loss of the friendship meant a smaller bridal party. FH had wanted to add another groomsman but with one less bridesmaid we couldn’t.

I realized my old best friend whom I had grown apart from in college was missing from my bridal party. When my aunt got really sick I decided I wasn’t going to give up a once really strong friendship because of something I couldn’t even remember in college. I was able to reconnect with her and she was missing our friendship too

A few days before my aunt passed away I had made and sent my friend a PowerPoint asking her to be my bridesmaid (short version about how that happened, she lives 14hrs away, it’s hard to talk on the phone with our schedules, and mailing a card would take too long because I needed an answer quick to get her dress order caught up with the other girls’) and though she had sent me an email back I never got it and didn’t find out until she came into town (to do some stuff for her wedding) and I got to see her the day of the wake that she said yes. She is one of my only friends that had ever met my aunt and right then that was who I needed to see.

Though someone dear to me is no longer here, an old friend came back into my life. If my aunt hadn’t been sick I don’t know if I would have tried to reconnect with her when I did.  Without the loss of that other "friendship" I would not have had room to include my old friend in my bridal party and I honestly cannot picture getting married without her in it. This also allowed FH to ask his friend.

I know how much it hurts right now but you will be able to cope with it more and more over time. As far as what to do, keep on keeping on. You know your aunt wants you to have the life and wedding of your dreams. Lean on your friends and family (and even us bees) when you need to and be there for your family too.

At our wedding we had planned to have photos of our parents and grandparents on their wedding day (or at least together) on a piano. Now we are also adding photos of the relatives we have lost recently on there as well (FH lost an uncle as well two days after my aunt’s funeral). In starting to clean my aunt’s house I found to cameo brooches. I am going to fasten one to my bouquet and one to my sister’s (who is my MOH). While these relatives can’t be with us physically, they still will be present and a part of our day.

I hope everything works out for you and your friend. Take care of yourself. Your family with be in my thoughts and prayers.

Post # 6
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

*HUGS* I’m sorry for your losses, and for your less than supportive friend. =/

The only advice I can really give you is to grow all the more close to your friends and family who are supportive. *HUGS*  

Post # 8
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hive hugs out to you girl.

So sorry about your dear aunt and your beloved pet.

Why not also open this up to your friend?  Just send out more love to the friend and let them sort themselves out as they have a problem with THEMSELVES .

I know I’m setting up an area for remembrance.  Some pics of my grandparents (paternal) who are gone and my dad.  A few lovely happy pics of them and will carry a pic of my dad in my bouquet so he will walk me down the aisle again. 

Celebrate the joy of her in your life as you proceed ahead and your dog.  We are here too to talk.  

 

Post # 9
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Your friend sounds like a total downer. My sister said the same thing to me, "congratulations… I guess…" when I told her about my engagement. It’s hard when the people who mean so much to you couldn’t care less (or so it seems). I know how much it hurts, especially in light of your aunt’s recent passing. Hang it there and focus on the people who will be there, and who will help make your day special.

Post # 10
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

  I’m sorry about your dog…losing a puppy is horrible they are such good friends and companions. 🙁

 

  As for your friend my reply would be "Yes, I’m disappointed too, that you could not be the supportive and good friend I thought you were. I am sorry I was hoping something of you that you felt you just could not live up to.  I hope on some level we can move beyond this and remains friends."  oooo I hate it when "friends" do things like this.  The important thing you have to remember is that it is not your problem it i theirs! Whatever their issues are they belong to them and you have to let it go.  They are missing out on what will be a fantastic and wonderful celebration I am sure. What a shame for them.

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