(Closed) Suck the joy right out of my newly engaged sails! (Long!!)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Gah! I couldn’t even read to the end of this because your friend is so mean!!! I didn’t want to read what other awful things she could possibly say over the course of one weekend! Why are you friends with this person?! She sounds awful!

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

And her family sounds awful too!!!! What the heck is up with these people?! Run far far away from them!

Post # 5
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Your friend sounds like an a**hole.  I’d tell her that you won’t talk about the wedding with her, and she should keep the snarky comments to herself in return.

About the friend’s dad- lots of older folks don’t understand the destination wedding thing.  I’m not having one, but people have gone on and on to us about how rude they are and that they hope we’re not having one.  If you’re happy with it, screw them, they’ll get over it.  This is about you and your FI, you don’t have to justify your wedding to anyone.

People get weird around weddings, they have their own ideas and preconceptions, traditions etc.  Just take it all with a grain of salt.

Post # 7
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with ditching the stupid “friend”. She is absolutely no friend. Why in the world would you want to be around such a negative person? Just quit talking to her and enjoy being engaged!

Post # 8
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

And if you’re having a really sensitive-feeling day, when people ask you questions that could lead to crappy comments just say “we’re enjoying being engaged right now.”

‘Nuff said. Especially around jerks.

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think sometimes it’s important to know when to close the door on a friendship. Despite your knowing her for however many years, it sounds like you two have really grown apart and she’s not positively contributing to your friendship. It all sounds very one sided to me. Maybe you need to take a break from this friendship.

Post # 10
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well my dear, it sounds like you have quickly found out that getting engaged brings out the best and the WORST in people. Even though I had tons of genuinly happy friends and family, FI and I were shocked about some of the rude comments we heard. We had jealous friends make mean and snarky comments, we had family members criticize our chocies to no end. We had people make threats to not show up to our wedding if we didnt do XYZ. *Sigh*

I have no idea why some people react like this but they do. However, I’m sure you have lots of friends and family that are overjoyed for you. Give the critics (like your friend) some distance and see if they come around. Surround yourself with your happy friends, because they will make the planning process fun and give great advice. You cannot control how these people treat you, but you CAN control how you react to them, and that is with grace and humility. Which is more than they can say for themselves.

And congratulations!!!

Post # 11
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ugh I had a similar situation with a friend.  Despite being friends for ten years, I eventually had to let go of the relationship because the more I tried to limit my time with her, the more she acted out.  

You will develop a thicker skin by default because you’ll hear all sorts of weird comments from people.  Weddings bring out a lot of insecurities in others.  Just surround yourself with people that are truly happy for you and your FI.  Life is too short to waste time with those who are not.

 

Post # 12
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

wow your “friend” is really lame. i have a friend who kind of acted in a simliar way, but not THAT bad. i’ve known her for like, 13 years or i would have just stopped talking to her completely (its hard for me to cut someone out of my life when they’ve been around that long). the only advice i would give to you is to ignore her and keep your distance. she obviously has personal issues and maybe a little engagement resentment and it’s not fair for her to throw all that on you. try not to let it get to you, but don’t cater to her crazy behavior either.

good luck and ENJOY the planning process. don’t let the haters get you down!! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, what a toxic girl! I agree with bakerella- maybe it is time to close the door on this friendship. If someone is bringing you down, sucking your joy away and making you come home crying from a weekend that should be fun…that’s not a good friend. Perhaps it’s time to get rid of this negative “frenemy”.

Post # 15
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I feel sorry for your friend.  It sounds like she might be in a pretty bad stage of her life right now and taking it out on you.  Unfortunately, you don’t need people like that around you.  I would discuss her comments with her, and if she can’t tone it down after that, give the friendship some serious distance. 

As far as some of the other comments go… I think people always like to inject their own stupid stereotypes into your own wedding — i.e. your mom will do all of the wedding planning for you, and completely hijack your dream wedding.  Some of those comments you just unfortunately have to learn to ignore 🙁

Post # 16
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m sorry you’re going through this so soon… Unfortunately, it does not stop. The best advice I can give you, is have a few allies with who you can share your plans and get the help you need, and keep quiet for any other person… Because somehow, people feel entitled to tell you how you should do things, and not always in the most gentle way. You’re better off if they only learn about the plans when the time comes that they need to know.

Remember, it’s fun and exciting, and you’re marrying this great man! Don’t let others suck the joy out of you. You’re entitled to be happy right now!

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